Post # 1
I need help with how to tell my “maid of honor” that I dont want her to be my MOA anymore. I only have a few friends and thought she would be the best out of all of them but I was wrong. So far she has shown no interest in my wedding and when we went on vacation together with another friend she said some bad things to my face about me “complaining” about my daughter. Now I dont want her to be at my wedding at all. What should I do??
Post # 3
@LindsayF: Just be honest and upfront with her.
Post # 4
I would be honest with her, but realise that she will proably not be your friend any longer (which it sounds like you won’t mind).
Post # 5
What about sitting her down to discuss your concerns and hear her POV prior to axing her as MOA? Is there some root cause of her snarkiness or lack of care? See if there is, and if that can be addressed and then decide if you want her out… since axing a MOA or Bridesmaid or Best Man usually results in killing a friendship. 🙁
Post # 6
I agree with PPs — talk to her first and see if she has other things going on that are distracting her. Otherwise, you’re likely to kill a friendship. Personally, I think it’s very rude to kick someone out of a bridal party, so be aware that there may be consequences from this.
Post # 7
@LindsayF: been there… done that… unfortunatly her doing this isnt a very friendly gesture at all whether she is your Maid/Matron of Honor or not… if your gut tells you to drop her from your weding party, i back you up 100%
The photos you take on that day will be with you for the rest of your liife and you dont want there to be someone in there who doesnt support you or who doesnt act like a friend all the time
Post # 8
@Pappy8: You make a very interesting point. I’m in the same situaton, on the fence about cutting a Bridesmaid or Best Man.
Will I look at the pictures and see my friend who I’ve know for 15 years and be glad she was there?
Or will I look at them and remember the grief and stress and hurt she gave me while I was planning the most exciting day of my life so far.
I don’t know.
Post # 9
Girl, this is your day. Rip it like a bandaid and tell her. Don’t make an enemy out of it but sit her down and let her know you made some changes to the wedding. Maybe say how busy she is and you feel someone else might have more time to help as a Maid/Matron of Honor. Good luck.
Post # 10
@actime: Good advice.
As other Bees have said there are many factors to consider and it could result in you losing a friend and yes many consider ‘booting’ a Maid/Matron of Honor or Bridesmaid or Best Man very rude. On the other hand its your wedding and who you decide to have stand up there with you is an important one. Sit her down and have a talk. How you approach the subject with her will determine her reaction, so choose your words and tone carefully, especially if you would like to retain her friendship. It will be a good idea to consider how this will affect your other BM’s as well. Good luck and hope it goes smoothly for you.
Post # 11
thanks everyone……heres the deal….the only things that are distrating her is alcohol and some guy that shes lusting over. She has no job, lives with her parents, and has nothing to stress over. Our vacation made me realize that she isnt really a good friend at all. She was (at the time) the best person to ask to be my MOA but after all this drama Im changing my mind. The only other friend who I was somewhat close to is a compulsive liar and is not very reliable….other than those 2 I have no friends 🙁
But thanks again everyone for their input 🙂
Post # 12
If I were you I would scrap having a bridal party altogether. The point of having attendants is to have important people in your life stand up with you and your husband in support of your relationship. These girls don’t sound like they fit that description at all. It sounds like you are having them in your wedding just because you feel like you are supposed to have a bridal party. I understand that feeling, but think of all the hassle you would save if you just focused on the aspects of your wedding that were truly important to you instead.
Post # 13
Having a conversation with her is the way to go. Talk to her calmly and hopefully the problem will be resolved with your friendship in tact.