Post # 1
I am horrible when it comes to dealing with stress and conflict. It was a rough school year this year, but I made it through. I’ve had some stress come up with wedding planning. A family member (who is contributing quite a bit, financially) changed our dinner menu without letting Fiance and I know. I talked to the family member about it. The family member (in a flat voice) said that they’d change it back, but they didn’t think it was too much to ask.
Now, that family member says we have a few more things to talk about. My stomach is in knots, and I am tail spinning, fearing the worst. I just re-built myself back up after a conversation I had with my boss. I tend to hear things that are less than positive and immediately assume the worst. Whenever I hear anything slightly negative, I blow it out of proportion.
Does anybody have any advice on how to deal with these things? It is at the point where I dread dealing with conflict, it makes me physically sick, and I get to a point where I shut down. I can’t do anything, I just stay in bed and worry. I know that this gets to my Fiance, and it’s something I really want to work on. Anxiety does run in my family. I know this isn’t healthy for me, either. It’s stopping me from enjoying a lot of things.
Post # 3
I would recommend a Myers-Briggs personality type indicator test followed by some professional help in interpreting the results and learning new coping and communication skills based on those results. You have two or three situations right now— work stress, conflict over wedding planning, school issues– but these will just be replaced by new situations as life goes on, and the earlier you learn how your mind reacts to stress and conflict, the more successful you can be in not letting the stress control your life.
When I say “professional help” I am not implying that you need extended psychological counseling because it doesn’t sound like there’s any real need for therapy; you just need better coping skills. That “professional help” may be an actual psychologist but could also be a career counsellor, relationship counsellor or anyone else who has experience with the MBTI test.
Basically this test is a series of very vague questions that generally don’t have a right answer: when you go to a party, do you prefer to socialize with one or two close friends or become the center of attention telling jokes and meeting new people? Stuff like that. They analyze your results and show you a LOT about how your mind works, what your communication style is, and perhaps most importantly— what are your usual (often unhealthy) reactions to stress, how to spot in yourself that you are becoming stressed out, and how to build healthier coping skills. An unexpected plus is, you begin to see the same traits in others, so you can actually communicate more effectively with them, and eliminate a lot of this conflict.
I’m a big fan of this process and only wish I had done it sooner in life!
Post # 4
@fishbone: No worries! I didn’t take any offense with the professional help. I did receive some counseling/therapy services in college. They can be incredibly helpful. Plus…I figure if I’m asking for help, I should be prepared to hear the advice :-).
With the Myers-Briggs test, can I take that online? Does it cost anything?
I really appreciate you taking time to help me out! Thank you!
Post # 5
I’m not sure if you can take it online; you probably can. But I found a lot more value in the “follow up” activities than the test itself. We had a series of group sessions where we did a little role-playing, and some exercises to analyze behaviors based on personality type. Like our moderator split us up by type and each type had to act out a radio ad for why Company X should hire your type for a big project.
I think the results alone are great, but I think being able to have someone guiding you through what your type means would be even more valuable. I think to really make it worth your while, you’ll need some sort of professional person to work with you, and most websites aren’t set up for that.
I was lucky to get the whole workshop free from my employer but having been through it, and seeing how I’m actually applying what I learned when dealing with everyday stress, I’d gladly have paid for it. We had a total of 6 sessions, 90 minutes each, but we did take the actual test online. The sessions were teleconference with online meeting tools so we could draw on a virtual whiteboard. I have no idea how much my employer paid for it.
Last thing– if you’re researching online, be very careful if someone offers you a free personality test and workshops/career advice/whatever, especially in person. For some reason which I do not fully understand, it seems like many of those offers are coming from The Church of Scientology. They are very aggressive in the recruiting department. If you’re given a free appointment somewhere, ask Google Maps first to make sure it’s not Scientology (unless of course you’re in the market for a new religion).
Post # 6
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
I started yoga earlier this year, and it’s been a lifesaver. After a class I sleep better, my digestion’s improved, I just feel better overall. It’s helped me get through a lot of stupid wedding family drama- highly recommend it!