- 5 years ago
- Wedding: July 2012
I went back and forth on creating this post, and whether I get some tough love or buck up, sweetie, I don’t care anymore. I probably can’t feel worse than I do already.
I’m stressed. I am a high anxiety person to begin with (and winter already gives me the blues when I’m not pregnant), but with my Mother-In-Law issues (being the biggest), Christmas, work, and being pregnant I feel like everything is crashing down all at once. I haven’t been saying anything to anyone about it, and I am pretty good at putting on a happy face, but I can’t tell you how many times in the past few weeks I have sat in my office at work and cried. Or went to the bathroom at home and just gave it a good silent cry.
I dread Christmas Day. I dread my belly being touched. I am uncomfortable, crampy from ligament pain and baby kicking, tired, stressed, and hormonal, and my Mother-In-Law has been told over and over again not to touch my belly by both my Darling Husband and I that I am afraid she is going to, once again, disregard my feelings and touch it, and I will lose it and have to go into the bathroom and cry all day or some shit. She just doesn’t care that I feel the way I do and that it bothers me. I know to some women belly touching isn’t an issue, and I really don’t have a problem with it if it is Darling Husband, but my Mother-In-Law doesn’t know how to touch a belly properly, and two, I just feel so gross and violated after she does it, especially since she has started to ask how “her baby” is doing. Right now, with all the things I am feeling, I feel as though there should be a consequence for her continuing to touch me after I’ve already told her no. I am dreading hugging her on Christmas Day.
Then there is Christmas as a whole. I am tired, guys. I don’t sleep well anymore, and Monday I travel an hour and a half to go to the dentist and then have to travel 3 1/2 hours to go see his family for Christmas and 3 1/2 hours back. Then, lucky me, I get to work the next day.
My job is equally as stressful. With me leaving come end of March/beginning of April I am already feeling the stress of getting projects done all at once. Reporting period starts mid-January and goes until end of March, and it is the most stressful time of year for me and my job, and I have no idea, with how I am feeling, how I will manage.
I have been taking deep breaths, locking myself in a room for 30 minutes each night and listening to calming music, and I just can’t shake that feeling of letting stuff bother me.
I don’t know what to achieve by posting this. Maybe people who are going through it too so I don’t feel alone? I don’t know. I just want to dive into the pan of chocolate truffles in the freezer, put on my comfy pants, and hide under the covers until April. Wishful thinking…