(Closed) I NEED HELP! How do you tell someone their whole family isn’t invited?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
274 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think it depends on if you actually told her the family is “in”.  I think it also depends on where you see your friendship going with her.

I don’t think it’s very nice to “retract” invites after they’ve been made.  I also understand your disinterest in inviting her entire family.

If you havent committed to inviting her family you would probably want to call her and tell her that while you’d hoped to accommodate the entire group, it just isnt possible.  I would definitely NOT just send the invitation with only her on it if you care anything about this friendship.

Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
467 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Wait…. she’s still invited to the wedding?

I know you said she’s your only friend. But honey, I’d rather have no friends than someone like that in my life. She treats you like your wedding (and by extention, your feelings) doesn’t/don’t matter, doesnt help you plan, bails on you and spends money on other things AND wont let your Fiance pay for it and pay him back? Sweetie, it just sounds to me like she’s not a friend worth having. I’m sorry if this is harsh but if it were me I’d rather not have her at the wedding if she doesnt care enough to make an effort.  (this actually happened to me recently and it was the best thing I did, letting that friendship go!)

if you are going to invite her to the wedding, however, just say that you’ve reserved/included 1 seat for her. If she puts down more than one (for her boyfriend or family) then call her and say that you’re sorry but you can no longer afford to have her family at the wedding. She doesnt need to know that you’re inviting other people in their place.

*hugs*

Post # 5
Member
1690 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

i really dont think its a case of being selfish ,  about the bridesmaids dress……if she honestly cant afford it then why should she go into debt with your fiance to buy it.  it is your wedding after all,  in Uk  the brides pay for the dresses and i wholeheartedly agree with that.  if i want them, and i want them to wear that dress for me…….i pay. 

it doesnt matter how big a pay check she had last month or how many times she eats out,  her finaces are really none of your concern. 

she might be able to buy the dress, but if she had other plans for the money,  which she has every right to do, then maybe she cant afford the dress.

she has prioritised and the dress did not come into her priorities,  and if you was my friend i would be mega insulted if you questioned my finances that way.

that being said,  she should have not agreed in the first place to be a bridesmaid for you.

and also i think you are being very generous inviting her family,  how close are they to you and your hubby to be?  because its about who you want at the wedding really,  not who your bridesmaid wants. 

money is not worth losing a friend over. 

 

Post # 6
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee

Unless you are super super close to her family, I wouldn’t invite them. I would send her an invite addressed to friend + guest. That way her family won’t get any wrong ideas. And if she asks about her family just explain that finances are tight and you needed to cut the guest list. It’s your wedding, you don’t owe this girl an explanation.

Post # 7
Member
2788 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I agree with Bostongrl25. She’ll understand your reasoning about finances being tight; especially since she is giving you the same reason for not being in your party.

I know it hurts to have close friends who don’t share your enthusiasm for your wedding (I know from personal experience) but at the end of the day, don’t let this ruin your friendship. There maybe more at play than just the money – not everyone handles their best friend’s marriages well.

Post # 9
Member
1876 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@BLC824: Wait – so you guys are both in high school? That changes things a lot. I’m sorry but I just don’t think (most) high school girls understand the importance and signifigance of this. I also don’t how in the world in high school I’d be able to afford a bridesmaid dress. Also – if you’ve made it seem like paying for the dress is a HUGE deal then maybe she thinks you don’t want her in the wedding. Why don’t you offer to buy her the dress? You say she’s your only friend – is a dress worth losing a friend over?

Post # 10
Member
1810 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I agree with Bostongrl25 about inviting her family. Just her plus one guest and she can choose who she wants to invite. Unless you’re close to her parents, in which case, invite them too, and her plus one.

Regarding her finances, I don’t think it is really anyone’s place to make judgment calls on other people’s financial situation, and criticize what they spend money on. You may do it differently, but you are not her and she is allowed to spend her money the way she wants. If she doesn’t want to spend the $120 for the dress, she does not get to be in the wedding. She has made that choice and now you know where she stands on that.

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