- 9 months ago
Attention: Very long, but please read and give advice.
I started dating my fiance December 2015 and we got engaged December 2016. We first met a few years before we started dating, and about 6 months to a year before we started dating we became really good friends.
Well we’ve been engaged this long and there’s absolutely no wedding plans. He says he started having ‘second thoughts’ a few months after we got engaged. He says I pressured him to get engaged (I was always talking about marriage and children when we were dating, but I couldn’t help it, I love him and it’s been my lifelong dream) But is that really pressuring? He’s also always trying break up with me over arguing with him about why there’s no wedding plans.
In the middle of 2017, we were with a realtor, and were looking for a house together. My Dad even gave my fiance a check for 10k, to help with a down payment. But then he decided he didn’t want to buy a house anymore. He even gave the down payment back to my dad without telling me (I found out from my Dad). He also recently renewed his apartment lease without telling me, and I was hoping to finally move in together and get an apartment or a house.
It is also partly my fault that we weren’t planning our wedding in 2017 because I went to cosmetology school and I didn’t have a lot of free time. But I also truly feel the only reason I went back to school was to make his family happy so they would like me. My fiance had told me right before we got engaged that he thinks the reason his siblings don’t approve of me is because I’m a college dropout.
Also, in December 2017 he told he doesn’t feel comfortable planning a wedding because he has depression and suicidal thoughts. He has actually battled suicidal thoughts ever since his mom died of breast cancer 6 years ago. But in certain aspects I feel like it’s a cop out and just an excuse for him to say we can’t plan our wedding because of that because I suffer depression and bipolar (and take medication for it) and not once have I used that as an excuse. He has since started his own therapy. He is not yet taking medication though.
My fiance, my dad, my dad’s girlfriend, my therapist, and my psychiatrist…..ALL of them seem to tell me I’m immature and have all this growing and maturing to do before I’m ready to be married and have children. And they’re saying it because I’m bipolar. I feel like they’re ganging up on me and they’re all against me.
Also, my fiance’s 2 big complaints about me are the fact that I don’t have a driver’s license and/or a car. But I also went to driving school last year, and I’m doing lots of driving practice so I can get my license. My dad will buy me a car after that. His second complaint is he’s upset that my house is always messy. But it’s REALLY hard to keep a clean house when you suffer depression and bipolar. And I’m a product of my environment, when I was growing up my parents were hoarders, they never cleaned anything, and they didn’t teach me how to clean.
I don’t know if it’s because of my bipolar, but I’m also literally obsessed with getting married by a certain age and having my first baby by a certain age. For the longest time I believed the perfect age to get married is 22 (but I can give up on that dream since I’m way older than that). I’m almost 26 and I feel beyond paranoid that I’m going to be ‘old’ when I get married and have a baby. I honestly don’t know how to get over this particular obsession of mine. It’s all I constantly think about and it’s taking over my mind.
The last few months, he’s not very affectionate with me anymore. Anytime I try to hug, kiss, cuddle, initiate sex….most of the time he pulls away. I mean, we still do thaf stuff here and there, but not nearly as much as we used to. He doesn’t really tell me he loves me very often anymore; or sometimes I’ll say it and he won’t say it back. He’s just not giving me the love and attention I need. I’m also starting to get upset because I’m always the one to initiate a text, I always text him ‘good morning’ or ‘good night’ first, and even if he’s not busy he never texts back immediately.
If you’re curious about our ages, I was 23 and he was 24 when we first started dating; and now he just turned 27 and I’m almost 26.
He’s also the only guy I ever seriously dated, I never really dated anyone else before him. I know I’m a late bloomer with that.
I just don’t know what to do, I feel at such a loss. I love him so much with all my heart, and I want so badly to be his wife and the mother of his children. But I’m also an extremely impatient person. The anticipation is literally killing me.
I don’t know what to do…..