(Closed) I need help ladies! FI doesn’t want the wedding gift I picked out for him.

posted 9 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 17
Member
532 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I want to share with you something that my Dad told me about giving gifts and presents. A present is somthing the recipiant wants to have and a gift is something the giver wants the recipiant to have. There is a difference.

Sometimes the most special gifts are those we aren’t really thrilled about when we first recieve them but come to appriciate later in life. When I was 8 years old, my gradmother gave me a huge framed print that was a copy of a famous painting. I hated it because all I wanted was candy and toys. Now, years later, it hangs on my wall and reminds me of her everytime I look at it, and I LOVE it. I am so grateful that she gave me that gift.

If you decide to give your husband a present (the Droid), yes, he’ll be excited, but you already know that he probably won’t even have it in a year. However, if you decide to give your husband a gift (the watch), he may not be super excited about it the day he gets it, but I can guarentee he will have it for years and every time he looks at it or wears it he will think of you and your wedding day.

I say, get him the watch. Write him a lovely letter about why you chose it and how special it is. Tell him about all the thought you put into the metal, the stones, and so on. I really don’t think he will be dissapointed. Good luck dear!

Post # 18
Member
218 posts
Helper bee

I have strict orders from my fiance not to get him a watch as well.

You probably shouldn’t do it. Get him something he actually wants.

Post # 19
Member
767 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I feel conflicted. If it were me I would get him the watch, but he really wants the droid. Another idea I had was to gift him an experience. I know it doesn’t last, but the memories would. So a ticket to a play/sports game/concert. Or even better, a day trip on your minimoon or honeymoon like a chartered sailboat, private tour, etc (it really depends on where you’re going).

I think it’s fine to get him either gift. But like PP said, if youre not getting him the driod make that perfectly clear beforehand.

Post # 20
Member
2194 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I really do think there is some better option here.  Yes, it’s a letdown that the amount of thought you put into your initial wedding gift idea could be wasted, but I know that at least my Fiance would be very resentful if I got him a gift he explicitly told me he didn’t want.  I had a very similar thing happen when I proposed to Fiance.  I had talked to all his male friends and consulted with other men I knew about what would be the best sort of ring to get him.  Additionally, what I got him had elements that were significant to our relationship.  But when he saw it, I could tell he didn’t like it and wouldn’t be comfortable wearing it every day, so we scoured the city and internet looking for something he’d actually want.  

It’s nice to get someone something you feel the recipient should have, but if they’ve alreayd told you they *don’t* want it, then they are most likely going to want it even less than when you first brought it up.  They were expecting a sweet gift that they would like and you bought them something that, while sweet, was not something that they wanted.  I know I would feel upset, like the money spent on the gift had been wasted, and like the gift giver had been a bit selfish and certainly very stubborn.  This isn’t really on the same scale, but last year, one of FI’s gifts to me on a holiday was a lingerie set that I had told him very clearly, on many occasions, was NOT my taste and would be a tremendous waste of money.  Despite this, he bought it for me, when I had told him that I was in dire need of some new bras and underwear that I actually could wear (I told him this after he *asked* me what sort of thing I wanted for a gift).  He bought it because he wanted me to have it (he thought it’d look hot), even though I told him how much I didn’t want it and how much I could use a different item.   I was actually pretty angry with him for that.  We’re students and don’t have all the money in the world, so it just seemed like a big waste.

I say, nix the watch idea.  It sucks, because you thought it’d be a great gift, but your Fiance has made his thoughts clear.  Do yourself a favor and get him something sentimental that he will actually appreciate.  There must be some middle ground (I agree you should not get him the Droid or another piece of technology that’ll be outdated in a few years).

Post # 22
Member
5827 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

@MissChirpie: That was really beautifully put

@Bunny2010: I think you should get him the watch, everything you said sounded so thoughtful and meaningful.

Post # 23
Member
704 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I wouldn’t get the watch.  Even if you’re explaining why you bought it and why it means so much to you, he blatantly said, “I do not want a watch.”  There has to be something that is not a gadget or a watch that you can get h im.

Post # 24
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I totally agree with the others.  If he said he doesn’t want one, don’t get it.  It’s probable he wouldn’t wear it.

Also, Wii’s aren’t going to go out of style anytime soon, and it’s something you BOTH can do together.  There are constantly new games coming out for it.  

Another option you could do is get him a gift card to some really techy site.  

 

orrrr… if you want to be a real stinker (and I would soooo do this with my FI) go to http://www.thinkgeek.com and look around there.  There’s a lot of really fun and cute things there that might be perfect.  (They have interactive tribbles… just sayin’…) 

Post # 25
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee

ooh, how about a briefcase?  A nice one will last a very long time.

A book of poetry, signed by you.  (I love that we have some my grandad gave my grandma).

Does he like to cook?

 

Post # 26
Member
3563 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

What about something related to the honeymoon or minimoon you’re going on?

Or, does he like to drink? My Fiance loves good scotch and he would always appreciate a nice bottle (or a vintage bottle of wine or something like that).

Post # 27
Member
247 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2011 - The Viceroy

I totally understand how you are feeling!  I had a birthday gift all planned out for my Fiance, and then he told me he didn’t want it and I had to find something new–but it worked out.  Here are some gift ideas: cufflinks, a nice swiss army knife, a pocket compass, a piece of art, a musical instrument.  Good luck and let us know what you end up doing!

Post # 28
Member
950 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Is there absolutely anything ELSE that he LOVES? A favorite team, or hobby?  You can always get him something reminiscent of the team or hobby, or a gift experience with that team or hobby…

If you’re set on something “jewelry” related, does he wear anything else? Earring? Wristcuff? Since you’re a writer, you could get a wristcuff imprinted with a line, or something. 

If you prefer something techie that will last awhile, you could get him an external harddrive or computer program that he works with. 

Or, if you want to get personal & not so object-y, you could give him coupons for favors that he likes.  A massage, promise to cook his favorite meal, let him pick the movie with no argument, etc. 

Your hubby sounds tough to shop for, I don’t envy you. Good Luck!

Post # 29
Member
9028 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

i may be in the minority here but i thought the wedding gift should be more about the sentiment than anything else.. my man could give me a pencil sharpener n i would still treasure it because it was given on a special day

Post # 30
Member
2194 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I think the couple’s wedding gifts are ALL about the sentiment–and it doesn’t say you thought very much of your fiancé if you bought him something dumb, like a pencil sharpener (unless, of course, it’s a nice one and a pencil sharpener does have some meaning to you guys, like you first met while sharpening pencils, or he’s a writer who likes to outline in pencil, or something).  It seems really silly to me to present your new husband with just anything–especially an expensive gift he already said he didn’t want!–and say to him, “Love it anyway, because it’ll always remind you of our wedding day.  Who cares if you have any use for it or if the hundreds or thousands of dollars could have been put towards something you would have actually enjoyed and been able to use.”  I think OP was on the right track in trying to pick out an emotionally significant gift that shows she values her husband and the significant things in their life.  But he made clear that he didn’t want the gift she was planning to give him, and giving it to him anyway would devalue the thought she put into the gift.

Post # 31
Member
1251 posts
Bumble bee

Boudoir pics?

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