(Closed) I need help moving on…

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
116 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Only time can heal your pain. Just live your life to the best of your ability.

Post # 4
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

Wow, this must be really hard for you. I would just resolve to put her out of your mind. You’ve got so much going on right now – try to focus on the positives. 

Post # 5
12247 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

That really stinks! Try spending more time with your other friends. Or making new ones!

Post # 6
8103 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@diyboudoirr:  Your pain is so clear — I’m sorry you’re in such a seemingly hopeless situation. I’m also torn regarding what advice might be most helpful to you. I’ve suffered from severe depression and withdrew from all my friends, so part of me wants to say continue to be loving and supportive during her time of need. But I’ve also been on the receiving end of mentally ill people’s hurtful behavior and neglect, so part of me wants to say cut her loose for your own peace and sanity.  Is she treating her depression? A lot of people shy away from medication, but it can be a lifesaver — literally! And it can take a long time to find the right prescription and right dosage too. I tried 4 different antidepressants over a year and a half before finally getting on the right one. I was on it for a couple years and it made life bearable. It made a big difference, and I strongly recommend that anyone with depression be open to the idea. Maybe you can suggest it to her husband? 

If you decide to move on, please don’t hate her. You should not feel guilty for protecting your own heart and emotions, but I hope you will understand that she is ill, and is not deliberately abandoning you. If she recovers from her depresion and reaches out, I hope you’ll consider forgiving her. I never did reach out to my friends when I got well, because I was too embarassed. I thought surely they all hate me or just don’t even care any more. I didn’t blame them for “moving on” — not at all. I love them as much today as I ever did, I just hope they know I’m sorry I wasn’t there for their important moments. I always loved them, just like I’m sure your friend still loves you.

Post # 8
1469 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m sorry this sucks. Given that she sees other friends and her lack of consideration for you and  her treatment of you leading up to her wedding, I’d say she’s just not a good friend anymore, if she ever was, whatever depression she’s going through. I’m sorry you have a non-communicative “friend” who won’t give you the time of day or give you the courtesy to at least acknowledge she’s been MIA. I can be a flake, but this is over the top. I would have a real talk with her. Ask her why she hasn’t been talking to you, responding to messages, gifts etc and tell her that you’re beginning to wonder if you’re friends anymore. If she shrugs it off or still doesn’t respond, I’d get a new MOH! 



Post # 10
9181 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

OP, if your friend is having actual mental health troubles instead of just a blue spell: Unless any of us have been truly clinically depressed, we are not in a position to judge.  It’s easy enough to think “WTF, just man up and send a nice quick note”, etc.  But having had very close experience with mental health troubles, all I can say is that it’s truly impossible to understand if you haven’t been in that position before.

I think you just have to accept that she is not in her right mind right now.  It’s nothing personal, she is physically unable to act like the friend you have always known.  It’s your call if you want to cut her off because of it.  Otherwise, just try to support her as best you can and hope that she will come through on the other side.  (The part about her husband getting pissed when you mentioned treatment, etc is a whole nother issue.  There’s a lot of new research out showing that the longer depression and other mental issues – eg bipolar and psychophrenia – go untreated, the more permanent damage it does to your brain.  It’s really really bad to just ignore it.)

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