I need help picking bridesmaids… so torn.

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
20 posts
  • Wedding: Bed and Breakfast Overlooking Pacific Ocean

Clearly I don’t know the complete dynamics of the situation, but I can relate to some extent. I only have 2 female cousins (who also happen to be sisters). I have always been close to cousin A but not so much with B. I am going to ask A to be my MOH but am not going to ask B to be in the wedding. I will ask her to contribute in another way (reading,etc). I feel awful since they are sisters and my only girl cousins, but at the end of the day, I think it’s more about who is closest to you and who you want to be there to support you on your day. If that is not your sister and you feel like you will not have regrets about it I’m the future, then it would not have her. I understand your mom’s point of view, but you should not be forced to ask her because everyone eel wants it for you. This is your wedding. 


As as far as friends A, B, And C, it sounds like A thinks the wedding will be small so maybe she thinks that you will also have a small bridal party without room for C. I would take all your special ladies out for a lunch or brunch and ask them together. I made all my girls mini-paper suitcase boxes that say “will you be my bridesmaid” when you open them. Then they had little related goodies and my wedding colors inside. There are tons of ideas for ways to ask the ladies on Pinterest. Since you will be asking them altoghter there is no room for A to get upset in the midst of everyone’s happiness. Also, this allowed you to asnwer the MOH question when it comes up and let them know thy they are all important to you so you will not be having a MOH (which I think is completely fine and legit btw). 


Hopefully this helps you some. Good luck and let us all know how it went!

Post # 4
8067 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

OneDayMrsL:  how far off is your wedding? It is just that you mentioned your sister will be two years older than she is now by the time your wedding rolls around. I would suggest not thinking about this now and waiting closer to the wedding to ask your BM’s. A lot can happen in a year never mind two. 

Post # 6
1760 posts
Buzzing bee

Do you spend time with b & c without a? Do you spend time with your sister? Know if she wants to be a bridesmaid? 

Post # 8
8067 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

OneDayMrsL:  if anyone asks at the engagement party just say you haven’t planned that far ahead yet. As I said a lot can change in 16 months. Friendships end, new friendships are formed and friendships change. Just look over some of the posts on here about brides who regret asking their BM’s too early or asking people they are not sure about. It usually ends in disappointment or anger.

Post # 9
7871 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

OneDayMrsL:  I think you should have your sister as a bridesmaid, somehow. My sister is 5 years younger and I had her. We weren’t especially close but now, many years later, she is closer to me that my best friend who was my other bridesmaid. I can almost guarantee that a similar thing will happen with your sister – as you grow older, the 7 year difference won’t matter so much. And having as a bridesmaid means just letting her wear a matching dress and being in some photos – it’s no big deal to include her.

There’s nothing wrong with not having a MOH.

Post # 11
65 posts
Worker bee

A doesn’t really have any reason to feel awkward about you asking B and C, so don’t even worry about that.

You should ask your sister just because she is your sister. She will always be in your life! Even if you aren’t that close now, I think it is important to include family in that way (especially if it will cause tension in your family if you don’t)

You don’t need a MOH, don’t have one if it’s too hard to choose. But another option would be to have your sister as MOH, as this would avoid ranking your friends.

Post # 12
1760 posts
Buzzing bee

Based on your explanation that you have developed these separate and strong relationships with B & C that A just might not be aware of.

I agree with asking A, B & C together to avoid an awkward conversation with A and to avoid singling her out so that its clear you value all three of them as friends and want them as bridesmaids. 

With your sister.  I’m close to my brother so its hard for me to judge but I think a lot about who do you want in your wedding pictures for years to come?  Do you think you would want those pictures with your sister? 

Post # 13
773 posts
Busy bee

OneDayMrsL:  I also like the idea of asking A, B, and C together.

As for your sister, given how you described your relationship, I would ask her.  I think when choosing bridesmaids, you should consider your past, present, and likely future with the people you are considering.  Your sister is part of all three.  While you may not be close now, since you anticipate being close with her in the future, you may regret not choosing her.  And what is the harm?  If you had a bad relationship and she made your life difficult I would say it was OK to leave her out, but that’s not the case.  I am having my 15 year old sister in my wedding, and we are 17 years apart!  I wouldn’t call us good friends due to the age difference, but she is so excited to be in the wedding, and I was an only child for a long time so I’m happy to have a sister who can be in the wedding.

As for the MOH question – you don’t need one if you don’t want to choose.  I’ve opted not to have a MOH, and no one has an issue with it. 

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