Post # 1
I’ve been engaged for about a month. Originally, my fiance and I wanted to have a small, traditional wedding. As we started planning it, we both decided it is far too stressful for the following reasons:
– our families don’t live in the same city, so no matter where we hold a wedding at least half the guests will have to travel 4 or more hours.
– the majority of my fiance’s family isn’t happy for us, and there’s a lot of tension between us (except his parents, thank god)
– choosing food that everyone will like is extremely difficult (we have cultural differences. Also, I’m vegetarian and nobody else is).
– we have limited funds and quite frankly, we would rather travel somewhere (which we haven’t done yet as a couple) than drop $5,000-$10,000 on a wedding reception
– we both hate planning this kind of stuff
– none of the local venues we’ve looked at really appeal to us
So we decided it would be easier to elope to Cuba or Jamaica. We could book a stay at one of the resorts that offer a wedding package deal. I’ve always wanted to get married by the ocean, so that would be perfect. We would have the ceremony on the beach, and then just do whatever we want after that. The trip would also count as our honeymoon.
My fiance wants us to invite our close friends and family. I like the idea. But doesn’t that make our elopement a destination wedding? Neither one of us wants to plan a reception, but we would have to at least take them out for lunch or something, wouldn’t we? And I don’t mind doing that of course. I just don’t know where on earth we would go that would make everyone happy. If we’re eloping, aren’t we supposed to just pick a place that we, the bride and groom, want to go? Also, how are we supposed to have a honeymoon there if our wedding guests also spend the week there? I love my parents, but I don’t want to run into them while I’m on my honeymoon.
What do you guys think?
Post # 2
You are correct, when you invite people it is no longer an elopement. And if you invite people, you definitely have to host them (especially if they are travelling internationally for you!).
I agree with you, I wouldn’t want to have family around during my Honeymoon lol.
You could get married at the courthouse, invite whoever you want and take them out after. THen go on your Honeymoon to an exotic local. You can even write vows and exchange them somewhere private on the beach at sunset. Get those nice beach photos taken. This is probably what I would do.
It doesnt sound like either of you are up for hosting a big wedding or paying for family to attend the Destination Wedding. So if you still want family around, I think this is the best idea.
You can also do an actual elopement, hit up jamaica or cuba (look up their marriage requirements first), get married, come back and have a bbq to celebrate.
Post # 3
Just the two of you – you can arrange parties with friends and family when and if it feels right
Post # 4
- Wedding: October 2019 - Chateau Lake Louise
So some Bees will tell you, the definition of elopement is “an act or instance of running off secretly, as to be married” but Merriam-Webster actually wrote an article about this and said “Elope appears to have become shorthand for “small destination wedding,” “wedding that is not financially insane,” or “wedding that allows us to not invite all the people we would rather not invite.”
I think the semantics aren’t really that important. Common usage dictates language, and if that’s the term you prefer, I suspect most people will understand what you are getting at. Personally, I’m calling ours a Lagniappe Elopment – an elopement with a little something extra. We are traveling, but are inviting a handful of people to join us.
I’ve been scolded that since it isn’t sudden, it’s not an elopement. My argument is that since we are keeping it a secret from our respective toxic families, it still counts.
Whatever you call it, invite the people you want. If you want to tell the people it’s a small destination wedding, do that. If you want to tell the people you are eloping, you can do that too. It’s a secret to the people you aren’t inviting, so I think it still qualifies.
If you aren’t comfortable with the semantic distinction, or feel like it would be dishonest, just tell the people you aren’t inviting that you can only include immediate family and leave it at that. You don’t actually owe anyone an explanation about whether or why they are invited or not. But it can help keep the peace if you frame it in a particular way.
Good luck Bee!
Post # 5
an elopement is secret and sudden.
say you are on vacation and on a whim got married. then called home and said “surprise, we are married.” that’s elopement. planning a wedding, no matter how small is not an elopement.
do what works for you!