(Closed) I need help planning my elopement! Should we invite people?

posted 3 years ago in Elopement
Post # 2
8384 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

You are correct, when you invite people it is no longer an elopement. And if you invite people, you definitely have to host them (especially if they are travelling internationally for you!). 

I agree with you, I wouldn’t want to have family around during my Honeymoon lol. 

You could get married at the courthouse, invite whoever you want and take them out after. THen go on your Honeymoon to an exotic local. You can even write vows and exchange them somewhere private on the beach at sunset. Get those nice beach photos taken. This is probably what I would do. 

It doesnt sound like either of you are up for hosting a big wedding or paying for family to attend the Destination Wedding. So if you still want family around, I think this is the best idea. 

You can also do an actual elopement, hit up jamaica or cuba (look up their marriage requirements first), get married, come back and have a bbq to celebrate. 

Post # 3
1573 posts
Bumble bee

Just the two of you – you can arrange parties with friends and family when and if it feels right 

Post # 4
2266 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019 - Chateau Lake Louise

View original reply
browncoat :  

So some Bees will tell you, the definition of elopement is “an act or instance of running off secretly, as to be married” but Merriam-Webster actually wrote an article about this and said “Elope  appears to have become shorthand for “small destination wedding,” “wedding that is not financially insane,” or “wedding that allows us to not invite all the people we would rather not invite.”


I think the semantics aren’t really that important. Common usage dictates language, and if that’s the term you prefer, I suspect most people will understand what you are getting at. Personally, I’m calling ours a Lagniappe Elopment – an elopement with a little something extra. We are traveling, but are inviting a handful of people to join us.


I’ve been scolded that since it isn’t sudden, it’s not an elopement. My argument is that since we are keeping it a secret from our respective toxic families, it still counts.


Whatever you call it, invite the people you want. If you want to tell the people  it’s a small destination wedding, do that. If you want to tell the people you are eloping, you can do that too. It’s a secret to the people you aren’t inviting, so I think it still qualifies.


If you aren’t comfortable with the semantic distinction, or feel like it would be dishonest, just tell the people you aren’t inviting that you can only include immediate family and leave it at that. You don’t actually owe anyone an explanation about whether or why they are invited or not. But it can help keep the peace if you frame it in a particular way.


Good luck Bee!

Post # 5
9538 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

an elopement is secret and sudden. 

say you are on vacation and on a whim got married. then called home and said “surprise, we are married.”  that’s elopement.  planning a wedding, no matter how small is not an elopement.

do what works for you!


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