(Closed) I need help! PLEASE!

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
819 posts
Busy bee

I often think about my exes and how some things with them were nice. But they’re exes for a reason, and as long as you’re not considering getting back together with this guy, give yourself a break. I think this is more normal than you realize.

Post # 3
Member
1023 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

Exactly what concordbee  said. I am marrying the love of my life, and I cannot imagine not waking up next to him every morning. But I have ex’s that I cared very very very deeply about and took up years of my life and I find it completely normal to think of them.

Post # 6
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee

Funny. I just posted my own post asking how long it took people to stop thinking about their abusive ex. I left mine a month ago and think about him A LOT daily. I don’t miss him in the least. In fact, I currently feel nothing but hatred and disgust toward him. Also, I want him to be miserable, which I don’t think he is. I can’t wait until the day comes when he doesn’t enter my thoughts at all.

Post # 7
Member
819 posts
Busy bee

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lovesoctober21 :  Because I just don’t want to go back. Like I said, they are exes for a reason– they were awful to me, or things just didn’t click; any number of things. If they were worth a relationship, they wouldn’t be an ex, if that makes sense. I can think of “oh, I wonder how my life would be different if I had stayed with so and so,” but the answer to that is always “worse. my life would definitely be worse.”

Post # 9
Member
819 posts
Busy bee

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lovesoctober21 :  See, there you go! Like I said, it’s totally normal to wonder “what if?” But as long as you recognize that you’re better off now than you would be if you’d stayed with them, it’s all ok and you’re not doing anything wrong, so don’t stress! Enjoy the start of your marriage and take care of yourself 🙂

Post # 11
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2017 - Living Desert Zoo and Gardens

I’ve had relationships with good men that have ended well… and one relationship that was just awful, emotionally and mentally abusive, and just really took a toll on me. He was who I was dating before Fiance and I got together, and I still think about him pretty much every day. I don’t want to get back together with him, ever, he just occupies more of my thoughts than anyone else I’ve dated. I think those abusive relationships take a toll on you mentally… This person trained down your self esteem and treated you in a manipulative way that made you dependent on them in one way or another, and it takes the brain years to get over it. Don’t be too hard on yourself about it or read too much into it. I think it’s really just the natural processing that fades with time. Focus on building up the relationship with your husband, and if it really continues to bother you there’s no shame in seeing a therapist to work through it. Whether you realize it or not, there still could be residual damage just dealing with everything he did to you especially over such a long time. Good luck bee! <3 

Post # 13
Member
1709 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2016 - Garden

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lovesoctober21 :  don’t think of it that way bee. You are with a great guy!! Don’t let the past get to you like that. It looks like you have fear in you. I don’t know what it is but its there, or maybe guilt on how you guys ended things. 

I’m the same way. My ex and I didn’t last that long but I broke up with him because he just wasn’t the one for me. I think of him from time to time because we were good friends and we ended on a bad note, i felt a bit guilty afterwards, since he was my first boyfriend. (he didnt take the breakup so well). I just wished things ended differently, still being friends and not strangers. It’s hard for him now because he knows I’m getting married in a month from now and it’s hitting him hard even if it passed 5 years since I’ve been with him. 

Its a process of getting him out of my head. Once I’m married to my future husband I won’t be thinking of him at all. I don’t know why you’re feeling this way if you’re married to a great guy already if he treats you like a queen. Don’t start thinking about the what if’s bee. It’ll tear you apart. Just be happy with who you are with now and live that life of luxury with your amazing husband. What works for me is out of sight out of mind. 

Post # 15
Member
1709 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2016 - Garden

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lovesoctober21 :  I know how that can be. Sorry you’re going through this bee 🙁 my sister is going through the same thing as well minus the marriage thing. He has been her first as well and when you give yourself up it’s kind a hard not to think of that person, emotions get the best of you. My sister has a really hard time forgetting about him even though she knows he’s not for her but she still wants to try to make it work. He really is such a great guy but they have differences they just can’t tolerate. She’s trying to move on like you did but it’s hard sometimes. And seeing this for my sister I can only imagine what you’re going through bee. *hugs*

All i can say is stick with your friends and stay near positive people. And continue to love your husband. It’s only going to get harder if you don’t stop thinking about him. 

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