(Closed) I need help! When should we get married?! (long)

posted 7 years ago in Family
  • poll: When should we get married
    After college and stress me out : (11 votes)
    44 %
    Summer before graduation : (9 votes)
    36 %
    Justice of the peace wedding and then church wedding after graduation : (3 votes)
    12 %
    Your other awesome idea (see below) : (2 votes)
    8 %
  • Post # 3
    4046 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    His brother graduates from high school in May or June? Why not get married at the end of summer, like August? Then it is almost 2 months later. I don’t see why this would be stealing his thunder, as long as it’s not the same month or something like that.

    I do think it’s pretty petty of his parents to say they will never give him money again. That is probably not really true, just an empty threat.

    Post # 4
    3257 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I’m a little confused. His brother is graduating the same summer if you get married in 2012 or 2013? 

    I am just starting my second year of teaching and am only 23 myself, so I’m not judging your age or anything at all. My SO and I were also friends forever before getting together!

    One thing I will tell you is that student teaching is perhaps the most stressful time of your life. I’m not telling you that to scare you but rather to prepare you for what’s coming and to tell you that you do not want to be hammering out wedding details during this time. You will live and breathe teaching 24/7 if you are doing it well.

    We had a 1.5-year long engagement; we got engaged right before my student teaching and decided to wait to get married until after my first year was completed. This was the most awesome decision we could have made because it gave us more time to plan the wedding and also provided us with income to pay for our wedding. I was bust-ass broke during my student teaching, but I finally had a regular paycheck coming in once I started teaching. We also have parents who don’t support us financially, so it really made the stress less intense for us.

    Yes, there were times when I wished we had just done it because I was so excited to be his wife, but it was worth it. The anticipation is kind of fun anyways. 🙂 

    Think about it this way: If you get married before you get your first teaching job, all your money will go towards the wedding and you’ll be in trouble for a while. 

    Let me know if you ever need to talk about your student teaching or anything; I know what it’s like!! 

    Post # 5
    3257 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Also, the name change thing is totally not a big deal after the first year. I’m sticking with my maiden name, but I had two friends who also got married this summer and both of them are going by their married names this year even though they didn’t last year. People will still know it’s you! 🙂

    Post # 7
    7293 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Do you guys have married student housing? 

    Will you guys have lots of student loans?


    I just graduated from a private Christian college and your situation was very normal 🙂

    If your not religious , JOP is a fine thing to do and do your wedding later. I would say why not just have a small family and friends church and reception wedding in like August or july before yall go back. (unless of course saving/money is an issue)

    Just make sure regardless that your Fiance is ready to provide for you and prepare your nest for your future family.

    Post # 8
    2161 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I wouldn’t do a JOP and then wedding later.  I never really understood those to be honest.   I would just wait unless your student loans were dependent on your getting married.

    Post # 9
    2321 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    Just do the wedding when you can do the wedding. If you do JOP now and put off the reception for next year, I can tell you that there is a GOOD CHANCE that will continuously get pushed. You will get surprise bills. Heck, you already have student loans! Something or other will get in your way. Just do the wedding however SMALL, at the time you can do it.

    Post # 10
    82 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I disagree with the last two comments.

    I’m a grad student.  I know LOTS of people who had a JOP/courthouse wedding first and then had a vows renewal/wedding/reception/wahtever you want to call it later when they could afford it.  I mean, some people say just do it when you do it and have a small wedding, but a lot of people (including myself) want to get married the way we want to get married, and are willing to wait longer so that we can save money and have the wedding we want instead of having something smaller than we desire.  We’re considering getting married legally before our projected April 2013 wedding, even though it’s not really a necessity (we have jobs, separate health insurance, plenty of school funding, we’re already independent students, etc.)

    It’s really a personal preference.  Is it important to you to get legally married on the same day you are spiritually married?  For some people, it is.  For us and a lot of our friends, it’s not.

    Getting married legally this summer and having the wedding the next gives you the best of both worlds.  You get your independent student funding and the legal benefits of getting married (which is kind of the point of getting legally married in the first place – otherwise we would all just throw big parties without that part).  Your future BIL gets to have his moment in the sun all by himself; you have more time to plan (because let’s face it, June 2012 dates are probably all booked up – people are planning farther and farther out now) and to save; and you’ll have your ideal timeline, which seems important to you.  I don’t see the point of waiting just so you can sign the paperwork on the same day as you have the ceremony and reception, unless that is really important to you.

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