Post # 1
Ok bees i am in need of some major help.
First a little back story: My Fiance and I have been together for 2 years (best friends for 7 years). We are both in college and but get little to no help from our parents finacially. Before you judge our age we are both responsible people that know what we want in life. I have always dreamed of marrying young and having kids soon after marriage because my life goal is to be a wife and mom. Now ik many of you think I am crazy for wanting to start trying for kids when I am 22 but thats all I ever wanted.
The dilemia: Now when we first got engaged we agreed we would get married the following june the summer before we are to graduate from college. I wanted this becasue of many reason.
1. Planning a wedding, graduating from college, finding a new job, changing my name, and moving all within a 3 month period of each other is crazy!
2. I want to get married before student teaching (elementary major) so my name wouldn’t change and I would get assigned to a school in my location (married people get first pick to avoid uprooting families).
3. We can combined finances, get more grants for school, and have my name changed before the stress of getting a job/moving/graduation.
4. We could be married for a year before we started to try for kids (married at 21, kids at 22) What I always dreamed of for a timeline.
Now everything was fine until my Fiance talked to his father and step mom and they changed is mind. They apparently do not agree with our marriage during school and listed of the reason why it was a bad idea. First they tried convicing my Fiance that he is not ready to get married (so not true) and he needs to “find himself” first. They both were married before and got divorced young and now remarried to each other. The are very sinical of marriage. Now my Fiance and I do not believe in divorce, call me old fashioned but I see marriage as death do us part no matter what. We both know that we are ready and have been for a while but his parents have a great way of making him doubt himself. They also went on to inform him that they will totally cut ties with him finacially which I can agree with, all they pay for is $10 for his phone and $50 for his car insurance which we can easily handle. They also told him they will never give him money again, which freaked my Fiance because he is worried if we ever get in a bind he could not ask them to spot us the money but I told him my parents are ALWAYS there for us and even though they do not have a lot they will always find a way to scrap up the money for us. The only argument they have that I find of any worth is that my Fiance brother graduates from high school a month before our wedding. This concerned me because I in no way want to steal his brother’s thunder of graduating.
So my idea to make everyone happy is to get married justice of the peace this coming summer and then have the big church wedding/reception the following summer after we graduate. That way we get the benefits of marriage without taking away from his brothers day. What do you think? What arguements do you think his parents will have against this so I can prepare myself for what they will say? THanks bees!!
Post # 3
His brother graduates from high school in May or June? Why not get married at the end of summer, like August? Then it is almost 2 months later. I don’t see why this would be stealing his thunder, as long as it’s not the same month or something like that.
I do think it’s pretty petty of his parents to say they will never give him money again. That is probably not really true, just an empty threat.
Post # 4
I’m a little confused. His brother is graduating the same summer if you get married in 2012 or 2013?
I am just starting my second year of teaching and am only 23 myself, so I’m not judging your age or anything at all. My SO and I were also friends forever before getting together!
One thing I will tell you is that student teaching is perhaps the most stressful time of your life. I’m not telling you that to scare you but rather to prepare you for what’s coming and to tell you that you do not want to be hammering out wedding details during this time. You will live and breathe teaching 24/7 if you are doing it well.
We had a 1.5-year long engagement; we got engaged right before my student teaching and decided to wait to get married until after my first year was completed. This was the most awesome decision we could have made because it gave us more time to plan the wedding and also provided us with income to pay for our wedding. I was bust-ass broke during my student teaching, but I finally had a regular paycheck coming in once I started teaching. We also have parents who don’t support us financially, so it really made the stress less intense for us.
Yes, there were times when I wished we had just done it because I was so excited to be his wife, but it was worth it. The anticipation is kind of fun anyways. 🙂
Think about it this way: If you get married before you get your first teaching job, all your money will go towards the wedding and you’ll be in trouble for a while.
Let me know if you ever need to talk about your student teaching or anything; I know what it’s like!!
Post # 5
Also, the name change thing is totally not a big deal after the first year. I’m sticking with my maiden name, but I had two friends who also got married this summer and both of them are going by their married names this year even though they didn’t last year. People will still know it’s you! 🙂
Post # 6
Sorry I will try to clear things up.
May 2012 – His brother graduates from high school
June 2012 – we wanted to get married but now will propably just have justice of the peace.
May 2013 – Fi and I graduate from college
June 2013 – Church wedding/reception
Post # 7
Do you guys have married student housing?
Will you guys have lots of student loans?
I just graduated from a private Christian college and your situation was very normal 🙂
If your not religious , JOP is a fine thing to do and do your wedding later. I would say why not just have a small family and friends church and reception wedding in like August or july before yall go back. (unless of course saving/money is an issue)
Just make sure regardless that your Fiance is ready to provide for you and prepare your nest for your future family.
Post # 8
I wouldn’t do a JOP and then wedding later. I never really understood those to be honest. I would just wait unless your student loans were dependent on your getting married.
Post # 9
Just do the wedding when you can do the wedding. If you do JOP now and put off the reception for next year, I can tell you that there is a GOOD CHANCE that will continuously get pushed. You will get surprise bills. Heck, you already have student loans! Something or other will get in your way. Just do the wedding however SMALL, at the time you can do it.
Post # 10
I disagree with the last two comments.
I’m a grad student. I know LOTS of people who had a JOP/courthouse wedding first and then had a vows renewal/wedding/reception/wahtever you want to call it later when they could afford it. I mean, some people say just do it when you do it and have a small wedding, but a lot of people (including myself) want to get married the way we want to get married, and are willing to wait longer so that we can save money and have the wedding we want instead of having something smaller than we desire. We’re considering getting married legally before our projected April 2013 wedding, even though it’s not really a necessity (we have jobs, separate health insurance, plenty of school funding, we’re already independent students, etc.)
It’s really a personal preference. Is it important to you to get legally married on the same day you are spiritually married? For some people, it is. For us and a lot of our friends, it’s not.
Getting married legally this summer and having the wedding the next gives you the best of both worlds. You get your independent student funding and the legal benefits of getting married (which is kind of the point of getting legally married in the first place – otherwise we would all just throw big parties without that part). Your future BIL gets to have his moment in the sun all by himself; you have more time to plan (because let’s face it, June 2012 dates are probably all booked up – people are planning farther and farther out now) and to save; and you’ll have your ideal timeline, which seems important to you. I don’t see the point of waiting just so you can sign the paperwork on the same day as you have the ceremony and reception, unless that is really important to you.