(Closed) I Need Major Advice About Wedding Date Change

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
12976 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Well, I think your girlfriend is showing her true colors.  10 months isn’t really that long to be dating, and maybe she’s showing how she really acts.  Is there any particular reason she feels like the wedding has to be no later than May?  I can’t imagine telling my fiance to basically pick between me and his sister (which she is basically doing to you).  I think you need to try to talk to her again and mention that your sister being at the wedding is incredibly important to you and there’s no getting around that, so the two of you need to figure out a solution together that gets everyone there to celebrate your wedding.

Post # 4
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2004

you should be able to compromise. and so should your Girlfriend. talk to her aboutwhy she wants to be married so badly and why you want your sis there. not unreasonable at all. also you may end up regretting it after if you dont get to have your sis there and may resent your wife…

Post # 5
Member
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

I think she is really wrong here, she’s willing to wait until May but not July? That’s only 2 more months? I would ask her why she can’t wait for 2 more months compared to a lifetime together. 2 months is not long… 

Post # 6
Member
1361 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Personally I think if your Girlfriend doesn’t want to wait until July AND you don’t want to wait until July, then your sister will have to miss the wedding.  Your Girlfriend will become your wife and you should prioritize her over yout sister.

 

Post # 7
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Trust your instincts, she is showing her true colors already and it’s doesn’t look pretty. It’s such a short period of time so it selfish and childish of her, I would also really question someone who wouldn’t care that such an important member of my family wasn’t there for my wedding.

I would change my dates in heartbeat if my brothers couldn’t make it.

Post # 8
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I agree with the PPs. Ten months of dating is not long enough to be “ballistic” over a postponement to accomodate a family member’s ability to attend. (If you’d been stringing her along for ten years, and postponing for all kinds of reasons, maybe then she’d be justified.)

I think, if having your sister there is important to you (and you’re not seriously reconsidering getting married to this girl right now anyway because of her unwillingness to compromise) make it clear that it is non-negotiable that your wedding be scheduled so that important family members can attend. If she’s unwilling to do that, then you need to decide whether marrying this girl is more important than having your sister at the wedding.

To some girls, a relationship is a means to a wedding. If I were in your spot, I’d be putting this wedding on hold indefinitely until I was secure that this girl wanted to be with me and I wasn’t just a prop in someone’s wedding fantasy. 

Obviously you know your relationship better than us, but that would definitely be a concern to me if there was a blow up over a legitimate and logical reason for postponing a couple months. 

 

Post # 9
Member
914 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Holy crap. She is doing this and you have been together only 10 months? And you are considering if you want to even be with her at all? I think you guys need to wait it out not for your sister, but to find out if you guys are even compatible.

Post # 10
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

@Beckster329:  I don’t think it’s about the choice, but about the GF’s unwillingness to compromise. 

It sounds like you guys aren’t ready to get married. Has she given you a good reason why she can’t wait? If it’s just because that’s how she wants it, that would be a big red flag. Furthermore, if you’re thinking about breaking up over a disagreement, it sounds like you two aren’t on the same page and shouldn’t be making such a commitment. 

Post # 11
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Yeah what’s the rush? If she cannot compromise, I would be questioning the relationship.

Post # 12
Member
8455 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

Why would a postponed date upset her?  Doesn’t she plan on being with you forever?  What about your want to have your sister attend one of the most important events in your life?  It’s not like you’ve been together for 10+ years.  Is there some underlying reason as to why she is in such a rush to get married (i.e. is older and wants kids, not a citizen, etc)?  From your explanation it sounds like there are a few red flags here.

 

Post # 13
Member
9541 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

I also don’t really see the issue with waiting an extra two months.  It isn’t like it’s two years and she isn’t paying so it’s not like she’s out a lot of money.  I agree with PP, what is her reason it HAS to be in May, when a simple two month delay will allow all your family to be there?  What else will she be throwing a fit about and unwilling to compromise on in the future?  I think you need to have a serious talk with her and think about whether you want to be with someone like this forever.

Post # 14
Member
228 posts
Helper bee

She could be showing her true colors or she could just be feeling insecure. You call her your gf so you aren’t engaged yet, right? That time when you are talking about marriage but not engaged can be very stressful for women, it feels like a constant high pressure audition. Make sure she knows you are not unsure about marrying her, you are 100% sure on that, you just need to postpone the wedding a few months. If she continues to be unreasonable, though , that’s not a partner you want.

Post # 15
Member
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

Relationships are about compromise and setting a wedding date is one of the first big compromises that you do as a couple planning your wedding and future marriage.  Why is May so important?  Why does she not care about your sister not being able to attend when your sister’s attendance is obviously important to you?

When we set our wedding date it was a nonspoken agreement that my FH wanted his friends and family from the UK to attend even though I have never met them and have no idea who they are.  I even did a little research and narrowed down my expectations for a wedding date to the fews months that offer the cheapest plane tickets from the UK.

Find out why May is so important to your Girlfriend and why she refuses to compromise on something that you find so important.  If she really loves you she will want what you want and I don’t think asking her two wait an additional 2-3 months is unreasonable to make sure your sister will attend the wedding.

Post # 16
Member
8455 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

“That time when you are talking about marriage but not engaged can be very stressful for women, it feels like a constant high pressure audition.”

@wilfred: This almost makes it sounds like women aren’t being 100% themselves during the relationship, in the attempts to convince a guy to marry them.  If that’s what she’s doing, I’d run.

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