(Closed) I need perspective. LOTS of it!!!

posted 4 years ago in Married Life
Post # 2
2350 posts
Buzzing bee

EllasGrace20:  Hey hon, sorry things are so rough for you. I just wanted to speak to your daughter’s health issues. I have a severe degenerative spinal issue that was diagnosed at a young age. I just want to give you some perspective on medical stuff. I was told I would never walk again. I was told I would never live independently. I was told I probably would not even live past the age of 20. I was told I would never EVER have a normal life. It tore my parents up inside. 

Fast forward:

I am 27 years old. I live independently, and have since I was 18 years old. I went to college and lived in dorms. I have a job. I can walk, and more- in fact only 2 years after my 22 hour surgery I was dancing at a professional ballet school. My life has challenges, but it is my life. I also found a wonderful man who was willing and more to take on all that my life will bring. 

My point is this, doctors do not know everything- they are not infallible. Always get at least 3 opinions before taking any kind of action. Take what they say with a GIANT grain of salt. They will always tell you the worst case scenario, because it is all that they know. It may not always come to pass. 

Best of luck and love to you. 

Post # 3
7499 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’m really sorry life sucks right now.

Post # 4
346 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I would go by what’s important.  He doesn’t have a job are you going to lose health insurance now? He needs to find something immediately.  If he has so many occasioms of being so socially awkward to the point that he cant keep a job, has he ever been medically looked over for some sort of mental evaluation.   Maybe there is more of a reason than he is socially awkward and people take what he says the wrong way.  Maybe he has never been diagnosed with something like autism but silently suffers and that’s why it is so hard for people to understand him.   i have a family member that suffers and sounds like your husband.  He can’t keep a job for much longer than 6-8 months.  He’s smart but so socially awkward that things he says either don’t make sense or your slightly offended by it and he has no idea.  


if it means losing everything if I didn’t, I would drop out of college until your feet are back stable on the ground.  Losing your place of residence or not having money for food is 10x worse than dropping out of school for a semester.   Get a part time job or find someone to help you with the baby so you can get a full time job will help a lot.  Many churches offer programs at a fraction of the cost for regular child care or a close friend can help you with the baby.  

Medical bills can be so darn expensive and your child needs this medical care so having a job is essential right now.

Just remember right now now it really sucks but in the end it will all get better.  Nothing stays one way forever and your have the power to direct your life in whatever way you want!

Post # 5
36 posts
  • Wedding: December 2014

I can speak to the unemployment thing, as that recently happened to me. 


Apply for food stamps. That might not be fun or nice or sexy, but it is something to keep food in your mouths.

<br />Stay in school. When I lost my job, everyone encouraged me to stay and finish my Master’s. At that point, I would have ended up paying for the semester, and would have run into the issue of having to pay for the loans in six months. I would not have been ahead. 

<br />As a student, you can qualify for an emergency or additional student loan. Although that isn’t fun or great, taking an extra 10k or whatever (1k) you need might be what it takes to get your family through this rough patch. 

<br />You got this. I promise. Deep breath, take a long, relaxing bath… it might not be okay today, but it WILL be okay soon. 

Post # 8
410 posts
Helper bee

I’m sorry things are so hard right now. I agree with the PPs that mention that your status as a full-time student may actually help you here. Can you take out a student loan? Some colleges and campuses offer emergency assistance to students. Can you talk to your advisor or your dean to see if there are any such programs? Often colleges would rather help students get financial assistance than see them drop out.

Is your husband actively looking for a new job? Does your health insurance come from his job? Can you get health insurance through your college, like a student plan, and add your daughter as a dependent? Actively exhaust all resources through the college. There are often more than people think.

Post # 9
1407 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

With respect, if your husband isn’t capable of holding down a job on a permanent basis, you should really be looking for work so you can support your child. 

Post # 10
1247 posts
Bumble bee

EllasGrace20:  Why did you go back to school? 




According to you, it was to secure a better future.  What will happen if you drop out? I think it will be harder for you to go back. Plus, you don’t want to waste the time or money you have already invested. It appears that you have more to lose if you stop now.At least try to finish the semester. Hopefully you can find resources to help you with the health challenges and financial challenges.  All the best…


Also try not to worry about the medial bills. In the US you have many options. . People often feel pressed to pay the bills all at once. What they don’t know is you can get waivers/price reductions and payment plans.  I know someone who owed tens of thousands and was on payment of only $25 per month. 


Hopefully your daughter’s health improves soon so that you don’t have to worry about her health. 

Post # 12
2711 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

EllasGrace20:  first of all, I’m sorry to hear your daughter is having health issues. I sincerely hope everything turns out ok on that front.  

With regards to your husband’a inability to hold down a job, does he recognize that he is clearly at least part of the problem? Is he willing to work to modify his behavior and improve his performance? In your previous post about his struggles at work it really sounded like both you and he viewed him as a victim in the situation. But, if he has gone through 14 jobs in 8 years, he needs to accept responsibility and be willing to address the issue. If he is not, then you need to seriously think about whether or not this is the life you want for you and your child. In light of the new information you provided in this post, it sounds like the abrasive “bullying” coworker may have been justified in his feelings, even if his delivery was inappropriate. 

In the meantime you should both be out there looking for whatever work you can get to make ends meet for short term survival. The silver lining is that we are heading into the holiday season when tons of businesses are adding seasonal employees. One or both of you should be able to secure at least temporary employment. 

Post # 15
1247 posts
Bumble bee

EllasGrace20:  There is no split as to whether you should stay in school.Each person who mentioned it, suggested that you stay in school. 

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