Post # 1
Member
8 posts
Newbee
Hello Bees!
This is my frist post! Some much needed advice would be appreciated!
Venting… My my bf and I will be together for 3, we have talked about getting engaged and the ring should be ariving between Sept-Dec. of 2012 which seems like a life time since we have talked about this for a while. Evrytime we talk about the ring he keeps saying he needs more time to save up and he pushes the date back. I could care less about the size and all the bling I just ultimitly want to be his fiance, but he is the type who likes tp “show off” for a lack of a better word.He keeps saying (“I dont want you to need to upgrade later in life, I want you to be proud to show it off”) He wants to spend between 10-12 thousand on the ring, but I dont want to wait any longer 🙁 Obv. every girls dreams of a beautiful ring 🙂 but I feel like I would settle just to be engaged.
So my question to you ladies ( ladies in waiting, engaged or married) if you had the chance to set back your engagment/waited longer to have a bigger/flashier diamond would you do so? or would you stick with getting it sooner just to finally be engaged?
Im very confused, should I keep pushing the fact that I want to be engaged regardless of the size or do I just keep my mouth shut wait longer but get a better ring? Helpppp!
Thank you!
Post # 3
Member
359 posts
Helper bee
You can get a gorgeous ring for under 10 grand, much under 10 grand. I’d rather be engaged so we could start our life together. I’d feel like waiting a year would just be pushing things back for no reason, especially if you’re both ready to get married now. 🙂 You can still save and use that money for your wedding, or for a nice wedding band.
Post # 4
Member
8 posts
Newbee
@canadianplum: Thats exactly how I feel, Glad I am not the only one who feels this way! The hard part is to convince him haha. Thank you so much for your advice!
Post # 5
Member
750 posts
Busy bee
wow 10 grand?! that’s a lot! I think I would definitely rather contribute the money to say the honeymoon and just get engaged now. Not saying it has to be a crappy ring but it doesn’t need to be that expensive!
Post # 6
Member
357 posts
Helper bee
I got engaged in July after 4 1/2 years. I received the same speech from my guy, he wanted to wait and save up and get something that I would be so proud of and really loved. I was the same way, often offering to pick something out inexpensive but it was important to him to be proud of the ring he worked hard for to give me. I guess it’s important to realize the ring is about both of you and it means different things to people,by Fiance said he wanted to work hard for it and get me something more then what it would take to just walk into a store and buy a ring without taking much work.
It was well worth the wait for me,I am obsessed with my ring and he is so proud of it. I am glad we waited this long too. In the end we were in a much better place after 4 years then we were at 3 and it is so nice to be moving forward without any serious issues.
You will be happy if you wait!
Post # 7
Member
5891 posts
Bee Keeper
I got a gorgeous 1 ct CZ in a platinum setting (Tacori). I wanted a house more than a $5000 diamond. No one can tell the difference. Tell him a CZ is fine and get a move on.
Unless the diamond cost is just a way for him to really say he just isn’t ready which is valid. But if that is the reason, discuss that, not the cost of a diamond.
Post # 8
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee
Waiting is no fun, but there isn’t much you can do if you have told him that you don’t care if the ring is $300 or $3000. I think trying to limit how often you bring it up to him is important, considering you have already spoken to him and he knows how you feel.
After a lot of similar fuss we picked out a wedding ring setting august of 2009, his job stopped paying him for a while so we finally got engaged feb 2011. Part of his reluctance was definetly based on feeling like he needed to pay a certain amount for the ring, despite my not caring. The other part was that he was very uncomfortable buying the ring, didnt know where to go, who to ask, what to do. He was very nervous about screwing up, and is weird about confiding in other people (who arent me.) If you have a mutual friend perhaps they can talk to him if he is having problems, if talking to him one on one has not helped.
He also had the ring for at least 2 weeks before he was able to figure out how he was going to ask. Men can be silly! I hope everything works out for you 🙂
Post # 9
Member
8 posts
Newbee
Its so hard because I just want to be his fiance but he refuses to let my ring be something that hes not proud to give me, he wants it custom made and high on the 4’c (I feel like he is the woman in the relationship with so many standards) and no matter what I say he wont change his mind. I think the money could be used towards the wedding, honeymoon, or a home, but he is so picky.
Its a very bitter sweet situation
Post # 10
Member
8 posts
Newbee
Thanks for all your advice ladies, YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST!
Post # 11
Member
2554 posts
Sugar bee
My ring is beautiful, diamond, and cost just over a thousand. I like that you don’t care if it’s big or not. My friend’s bf is the same way as yours, he wants to spend a significant amount on a ring. I actually read here on a Wikipedia article on engagement rings that “the idea that a man should spend a significant fraction of his annual income for an engagement ring originated from De Beers marketing materials in the early 20th century, in an effort to increase the sale of diamonds.[1] In the 1930s, they suggested that a man should spend the equivalent of one month’s income in the engagement ring; later they suggested that he should spend two months’ income on it.” That I found very interesting!
I want my wedding band to have diamonds too so I wouldn’t have wanted a big huge diamond engagement ring. I want rings I can wear every day.
Post # 12
Member
8 posts
Newbee
@NewfieBullet: I feel like there is so much pressure on the men to make sure that the ring is huge and perfect. Its over looking the real reason the ring is given to a woman in the first place. I know he feels pressured to get a huge diamond no matter what I say to him. ( Most people wouldnt complain about this lol) but I just want to move to the next level.
Post # 13
Member
5891 posts
Bee Keeper
Are there other areas that you don’t agree about money priorities? It sounds like he wants to impress other people. And you think other things are more important. Right now it’s about the ring, but in a few years it will be about what kind of house to buy or how much to spend on a car. If you’ll be happy in a toyota and he needs to be in a BMW, that can be an issue.
I think you need to discuss your overall money priorities and come to some concrete compromise about what the next 5-10 years will hold for you. Once you do that, see if buying an expensive ring fits into those priorities. For instance, if you want to buy a house in 1 years and he wants to buy it in 5 years, that a problem. Maybe you compromise on 3 years. Once you do that, you realize that you can’t afford an expensive ring and buying a house in 3 years.
Post # 14
Member
5891 posts
Bee Keeper
The other thing you can do is tell him to get you a CZ in the size he wants to get you. And get engaged. Then before you get married, he can change it to a diamond. Seriously, no one can tell the difference.
Post # 15
Member
8 posts
Newbee
@KoiKove: Such a great point, he came from a family where he had to work for everything since a young age, he had to leave school to help support his mother and family and he also helps supports his family members still. He does enjoy the finer things such as the expensive car and all the fun things men buy, but he tells me that hes proud to say that he has nice things since he has worked very hard for them, I guess the ring is something else he just wants to be proud of. Such a sticky situation :/
Post # 16
Member
5891 posts
Bee Keeper
Does he want to be proud of it at the expense of what you are feeling? Why are his wants more important than yours?
You want a less expensive ring, so you can use that money for other things. That is valid and needs to be heard. This ring is the first thing that will define how you can compromise on the big important things. Don’t frame it in the–I want to be engaged now, so stop saving and buy me something now because I can’t wait anymore.
You need to frame it– my fiscal priorities are different that yours. I’m not comfortable about how much you are spending when I feel like there are other things that the money can go to. Can we discuss how we feel about such a large purchase? Can we come up with a figure that we are both comfortable with and takes into account our share money priorities?
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