Post # 1
This is my first post. I have known my bf for 9 years since high school, I am 26 and he is 27. Since then, we would on/off keep in touch, and that lead to casual dating between us. We were always best friends and had this amazing connection that couldnt keep us apart for long. Until about 19 months ago, when we decided to give this a real shot. It was going great, I have loved him since high school and he has commanded most of my adult dating life. We pseudo lived together for 9 months but I had to move across the country for medical school 5 months ago. We have never mentioned a future life together, or getting married, or kids. I have asked him when he would want those things, and if he wants them with me and his response is that he doesnt know yet. He is the type of person who has to know something 100% before he does it but I just wish he felt sure about us. The other problem is that he is thinking of moving to the UK,(we both live in the states), for a year for school.
My plan is to transfer schools, to be only 2 hours away from where he is as opposed to 25! And now he is considering moving out of the country! I don’t think I am strong enough to do long distance across the world, it is hard enough doing long distance across the country. I guess I am wondering how long I should wait for him?
I honestly feel like he should know me and us by now, after 9 (on and off) years. He should know us enough to know if he wants to keep this. I have told him all of this, I just don’t know how much more I can wait around with no committment. I would like to be engaged in a year… looks like that ont happen.
Thanks bees, sorry its so long.
Post # 3
Well, I guess it comes down to, are you willing to wait indefinitely for him? Are you sure he’s The One for you? If you want to wait and you know he’s the one, well, there’s your answer. Otherwise, I’d be honest with him, and tell him what you want. Give him a timeline of sorts (not an ultimatum, hopefully..) and see if he can work with that.
On another note, I hope you’re transferring med schools for the academic opportunity, and not to be closer to him. I know distance is really hard, but your education is also incredibly important, and, especially with med school, you should be in the best academic situation for yourself. He’s considering going abroad for school, and that may be in his best interest…don’t sell your career short for something you don’t even seem positive that you want!
I hope this all gets figured out soon!
Post # 4
Thank you for your advice. I do have a lot to think about.
As for transferring, I would be going back home, to Florida, from Pennsylvania. Where the weather is beautiful, my whole family lives, my 90 year old grandmother (who is the light of my life) lives, and my amazing newborn niece. Family is my main priority. The move would make it easier on me so I could see them more often, it isn’t mainly for my relationship. I was just mentioning the benefit of transferring quickly because I didnt want to make the post longer than it already was 🙂
Thanks again, I really appreciate it!
Post # 5
I feel like after this amout of time and at your age, he should know if you are it for him.
And moving away from you doesnt seem like something he would do if he was thinking of settling down any time soon.
All you can do is express your desire to marry, and if he says hes not sure if your the one aftER 9 YEARS, you might have to reevaluate things.
Post # 6
@abbie017: – I agree, you shouldn’t move to be closer to him, especially as he hasn’t said there’s a future.
My SO is moving a 14 hour flight away too, but I can do that in the short term. AND we know we want to be together, marriage is on the cards. If you’re not strong enough to do long distance across the world, tell him. If you’re ready and he’s not, tell him. It takes two, and it’s give and take; it sounds like he wont compromise, why should you always be the one doing the compromising?
Post # 7
It sounds like your reasons for moving are bigger than him, mostly because of your family. Don’t move just for him. If he’s moving a year for school, that amount of time is tough, but doable for a LDR (I know because I’ve done it).
I just read the part where you said you guys haven’t talked about a future together and he doesn’t know what he wants yet. I’m sorry, but he’s old enough and you guys have been together long enough that he should know that stuff by now.
I’d say for now just think about what’s best for YOU. You’re going to med school, that’s really stressful. Find fun things to do that’ll relieve the stress of school once it starts. I hate to say it, and I don’t want to jump to conclusions based on a couple paragraphs, I don’t know you and your guy, but I wouldn’t count on a serious future with this guy.