(Closed) I need some advice and perspective on our arguments

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 17
1398 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I think you need to set up a house account and have 75% of both of your incomes go into it. From that, all mortgage, utilities, groceries, and bills come out of. That will alleviate the I pay this, you pay that conumdrum. All bills come out of one account. One thing that might help is having an outside service, like Merry Maids come in once or twice a week, to clean. It’s an expense, but the arguments that this would save you might be worth it.

Post # 18
235 posts
Helper bee

He sounds like a great guy besides that one little snag (and I know no one or relationship is perfect). You’ll get through this!

Side note, back pain is awful, my sympathes go out to you. I sort of know what you’re going through I have scoliosis and I feel obliterated by the end of the day if I’ve been on my feet.

Keep us posted. 




Post # 19
1723 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Alexis22: I haven’t read all of the responses, so sorry if anything is repetitive.  We are going to have disproportionate salaries and our plan is to have separate accounts with our paychecks deposited, then transfer an equal percentage of our salaries (whatever the math comes out to) to cover all of the bills, groceries, etc.  Then we can both have some fun and some saving money that the other isn’t in charge of.  It gives us a sense of working together and independence at the same time and it keeps some arguments at bay.  

As for the chores issue, I think you should just sit him down and explain it’s not fair.  Maybe you can divide it based on what you like/don’t like to do.  When we get married, Fiance will vaccuum and I’ll do garbage because I HATE vaccuuming and he HATES garbage lol.  A relationship is a partnership and nobody is doing more or less, you are working together to make things run smoothly.

Post # 20
466 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

My husband and I have an income disparity also, he makes about $20k more than I do. We’ve had several discussions around finances, budgeting, goals, expectations, etc. It really helps him to see it all laid out. So we made spreadsheets showing our income, our bills, our debt, our wish list, etc.

Maybe it would help to create spreadsheets and make it visual for him, rather than just having an argument about money.

Our eventual compromise was that we’d each have our play money, we’d each contribute to savings, and we’d each contribute to bills. The amounts we’d each contribute to play money, savings, and bills were determined by these conversations we had while looking at spreadsheets with it all laid out there.

Sometimes guys just HAVE to see it.

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