Post # 17
I think you need to set up a house account and have 75% of both of your incomes go into it. From that, all mortgage, utilities, groceries, and bills come out of. That will alleviate the I pay this, you pay that conumdrum. All bills come out of one account. One thing that might help is having an outside service, like Merry Maids come in once or twice a week, to clean. It’s an expense, but the arguments that this would save you might be worth it.
Post # 18
He sounds like a great guy besides that one little snag (and I know no one or relationship is perfect). You’ll get through this!
Side note, back pain is awful, my sympathes go out to you. I sort of know what you’re going through I have scoliosis and I feel obliterated by the end of the day if I’ve been on my feet.
Keep us posted.
Post # 19
@Alexis22: I haven’t read all of the responses, so sorry if anything is repetitive. We are going to have disproportionate salaries and our plan is to have separate accounts with our paychecks deposited, then transfer an equal percentage of our salaries (whatever the math comes out to) to cover all of the bills, groceries, etc. Then we can both have some fun and some saving money that the other isn’t in charge of. It gives us a sense of working together and independence at the same time and it keeps some arguments at bay.
As for the chores issue, I think you should just sit him down and explain it’s not fair. Maybe you can divide it based on what you like/don’t like to do. When we get married, Fiance will vaccuum and I’ll do garbage because I HATE vaccuuming and he HATES garbage lol. A relationship is a partnership and nobody is doing more or less, you are working together to make things run smoothly.
Post # 20
My husband and I have an income disparity also, he makes about $20k more than I do. We’ve had several discussions around finances, budgeting, goals, expectations, etc. It really helps him to see it all laid out. So we made spreadsheets showing our income, our bills, our debt, our wish list, etc.
Maybe it would help to create spreadsheets and make it visual for him, rather than just having an argument about money.
Our eventual compromise was that we’d each have our play money, we’d each contribute to savings, and we’d each contribute to bills. The amounts we’d each contribute to play money, savings, and bills were determined by these conversations we had while looking at spreadsheets with it all laid out there.
Sometimes guys just HAVE to see it.
Post # 21
Once again my Fiance proved to me why we are together. I finally talked to him about it this afternoon and we already have made huge strides. We agreed to hire a housekeeper to come once per month to do the washing of the floors, (I run our Roomba every other day but actually washing it kills my back), the bathroom, mirrors and windows. We agreed to share this cost 50/50. I don’t really mind doing laundry but carrying it upstairs hurts my back so Fiance agreed to carry it up every evening when I need him to. He also said because he is saving for the honeymoon (he is paying for it all, minus what we get from our honeyfund) he doesn’t really have much extra spending cash either but that he could absorb my cell phone costs. So, he called Verizon today and had them put us on a family plan which he will pay for. I feel like we made HUGE progress today because I know that if I don’t have to do all of the cleaning I won’t feel so burdened and it won’t agrivate my back as much. If my back isn’t hurting as much it will also save my money and liver by not having to take so many pain pills. He also agreed to see the counselor and assured me he is completely fine with using the counselor that I LOVE and used to go to. So, we are going to try to get in next Friday.
I’m so happy I wrote this post. I was VERY hesitant to write it and almost deleted it a couple times before finally submitting it. But, I’m super glad I did. I felt the advice I got from you guys helped me to have a more productive conversation with my Fiance instead of the normal argument. Thanks bees! You are the best!
Post # 22
@Enchanted1: I also have scoliosis, which is where my back pain comes from. I had surgery because my S curve was at 72 degrees and 68 degrees. It was to the point that my lungs were compromised and I was in danger of paralysis or dieing if I didn’t have the surgery. During the surgery they fused my whole spine except for my lower 3 vertebra, so now all the movement and strain which is supposed to be carried by my whole spine is all put on those 3 vertebra. Because of this I have horrible back pain and there are some days I can barely move because of it. Plus, because of the surgery no chiropractor will touch me so no relief there. I do get semi annual massages, but I’m always embarrassed because the masseuse always comments on how many knots I have and how strained my back is. Like I didn’t know that….grrrr……