(Closed) I need some advice ..somewhat long thanks in advance.

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

No matter how long you are together it makes no difference on your future. 

If he says he needs to work on himself, he needs to.

Think of the qualtiies you need in a man. Does you current man supply those? Not promise those, but give you them now? If not move on.

Its possible you are giving more to the relationship tha he his.

If he doesnt make a move to improve his life, dont trust he will imrpove both your lives when you are together.

Post # 5
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

Its OK o be different, it is. But you need to find a compromise that you BOTH are OK with. Ist not about being the same person, but abou him seeing it through your eyes as much as you seeing it through his eyes. If you are always seeing his side, then you have more talking to do.

Post # 7
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

Forget about your history

Is he the kind of person you want to grow old with? As he is now?

Is he the person you trust to pay bills on time? To be able to save money for your future together?

Do you trust him to consult you on big decisions like a new car or oher large expense?

Is he someone tha you can see having fun with no matter the day or time?

If all the above are not a yes, I would be worried.

Post # 8
Member
7413 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@lefeymw: <– Listen to her cause she’s is breaking it down!!!! I agree with everything she has said so far.

And OP please don’t blame his dad for your SO’s behavior. He’s fully capable of making his own choices. You seem to focusing alot on him and what he needs but your clealry NOT getting what you NEED. maybe you should stop pouring so much of yourself into him and take stock if this is really where you need/want to be. One sided relationships never work out in the long run. Best advice I can offer is to “accept people for who the ARE and not who you WANT them to be”.

Post # 9
Member
2907 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@bridalblush:I learned this in highschool. YOU must be your first priority. You cannot provide for others if you yourself are falling apart. Your boyfriend has it right. Trust him. A person always must work on him/herself, just as a wife or husband must always work on his/her marriage.

 

You know him better than we do from just this post, so you know if this is a problem in the *way* he told you. But from *what* he told you, everything sounds fine.

Post # 10
Member
1723 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Let me try to explain this from the opposite scenario:  my Fiance is very close with his family and I come from a family that never got along.  You have a feeling of peace, security and roots.  He may never have that and it really doesn’t have anything to do with you.  Coming from a broken home causes people to realize they have to protect themselves first.  It sort of shatters that romantic ideal of “love can conquer everything” when you’ve seen that’s not true.  I think you have to tell him how you’re feeling and get a better understanding of what he meant.  Honestly, if you’re with the person who makes you feel at home, home is wherever you 2 are and that might mean a compromise.

Post # 12
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee

Twice you have mentioned that he said/says things with no emotions behind it/them. I get the impression that there were great heaps of emotions – just not the loving, sentimental kind. 

He sounds down trodden, for whatever reason. While you cannot blame his dad/parents/family as the source of this, do try and understand how they have helped shape him today. The more I learn about DH’s family’s nuances, the greater clarity I have about some behaviors of his. 

Is it possible your man is experiencing some anxiety/general fear as the stakes of the relationship increase? He wouldn’t be the first man, or woman, to realize how serious their life is becoming. Depending upon one’s perspective and life experience, such realizations can spawn lots of freaking out and general anxiety. 

Go easy on him, try and understand him and love him; your love and support will do so, so much. These are real life issues that can arise whenever. Definitely something a couple can successfully work through! Best wishes.

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