- 5 years ago
- Wedding: October 2013
Hi all. I am going to make this as short as possible. I have one sister who is 5 years younger than I. We grew up together from day one. Our maternal grandparents raised us (my mom had huge issues) and we both have different dads. We don’t know either of our dads.
Growing up, we were reallly close. I mean super super close. Especially when my mom died (sis was 12 and I was 17) and then a year later my grandmother who raised us died.
Since as young as I can remember, my sister always wanted to be a nurse. I was the first one to go to college in my huge family and she followed my footsteps. She got her nursing degree (I have different degrees). I was so proud of her.
During this time in college she worked as a bartender. She never left. She took the nursing license test 7 times and failed all seven times. She goes to church only when she needed to pass the test. Like on that sunday she would go pray to God. Her then boyfriend wanted her to go all the time with him and told her you just don’t go to church when you want something. she ended up dumping him after she became really close with her coworker.
She started dressing extremely racy and just so over the top with her appearance. I know I should not judge her but I feel l ike she is screaming out for help. When I was 27 I moved 800 miles away with my first husband. I had my daughter and my sister planned my baby shower except it was cancelled because she told me she ended up in the hospital with belly pain? I could not fly to see her due to me being in my last trimester. None of my family came for the babyshower so did not end up having one. Which made me sort of sad in a way but I got over it quickly. I definitely was now the one who “moved away” or so I felt that way.
Some relatives have visited me throughout my years here in a different state. My sis has come out the most to see me. After I had my daughter she told me that she had an abortion at the time during my baby shower and it went all wrong and was hospitalized. I felt so bad I cried with her. No one knows about it. She got so close the female coworker and they moved in together as roommates and go to work together, shop together, do everything together. I thought for a minute they were dating and I was so happy for her but I do not think they are as the coworker is dating another guy and seems to be straight.
As time has passed they have come to visit me. Both of them. They are extremely inseperable so much that my sis won’t even come out to see me or spend time with me alone anymore like she used to. She would fly out before now she has to drive 14 hours when she comes and take the coworker with her and the corowker does not drive because she has no license. THey have to be in same room at all times.
This coworker is an illegal immigrant and I am not saying this in a bad way but I have to mention that because of what I am about to say. I feel that my sister has been doing so much for her coworker and her family (coworker’s family lives in same apartment building as they do). Like going to her brother’s visitation in jail which takes 6-8 hours for the entire process while coworker sits and waits in the car because they can’t go since they are immigrants as they say.
The coworker does not have a car or drives my sister has to drive her all around. They are 2 years apart in age. I just feel that my sister looks so stuck and then when she turned 30 this year she got super depressed. They both were in my wedding in 2013 (second marriage) and would sit around and talk and gossip about people that would walk in for the rehearsal that they didn’t know. I swear I should have just picked two different girls to be in my wedding so I didn’t have to deal with the immature BS I dealt with. As if they were in JHS. I got upset and mentioned that they are always joking about people and they both just stared at me in embarrasement.
The groomsmen had my sis (Maid of Honor) go up to give a speech and she freaked out and kept asking for the coworker while the coworker hid and played dumb walking another direction. I don’t get it. I am not understanding any of this. She wanted to wear shawls and I said wear what you feel comfy in.She said this was the biggest she’s every been. I think she is so self consious she can’t be seen without anyone next to her.
Its not like they both don’t text me to see what is going on but now I feel like it’s to just talk about me. But I am so confused. We have went in two different directions. Completely. And I do realize that people grow apart. But I feel I did or said something to her for her to be really upset? I am wondering if I should contact her.
She did tell me via text not too long ago that she was over being upset about turning 30. I asked why she was upset about it in first place and she said because she does not own anything or is not settled yet but that she is over it.
Hubby, my daughter, and I went to visit them. We did not end up staying in their tiny apartment well because it’s tiny…one bedroom, because they were complaining about losing their heat a few times and I have a daughter that is 5 I am not having stay there during the winter for 4 days like that and because we wanted todo a lot of sightseeing in my old hometown and felt we would be confined to the area they live in. Luckily hubby’s job paid for a hotel as a wedding present for us which was so amazing. I feel that she is very upset that we did not stay with them. As I texted them the info on where i was staying I got a text from the corowker back that said “well we don’t have any proof” “so sorry that was not for you” i wonder if she wrote that to my sister as in they didn’t believe me when i said the company gave us the hotel gift.
Out of the four days out there we visited with them 2 times for a couple hours. My sister’s apartment is a wreck full of stuff….just stuff, big brown bags of stuff. She said she is going to purge. She looks so unhappy. I told her that if she wants to go back to school for hair and makeup because she is good at it and she said she’s too old. We met up again at my uncles house out there and she could barely look at me. We all sat in the living room and she would put her head down and look at her phone while i spoke to everyone. I could feel the tension. She got an iphone for christmas from her coworker…I loved it so we can stay in touch through instagram but it’s like she does not even take a pic alone with the coworker.
I have tried getting info for the coworker to become a citizen and she said that if she gets it her family will be in trouble and get sent back to their country. The coworker was originally here on a student visa and it expired and she stopped going to college. My sister opened up a Corp this past year and is doing a side business of cake pops for parties through the place she works at already as a bartender. She signed up the corowker on all papers as her partner. The coworker is not doing any of the work whatsoever. I just feel like my sister is getting suckered. I just feel that if someone is complaining they haven’t done anything with their life they should put their big girl panties on and make something out of life that will make them happy.
Any advice? Or should I stop worrying about all of this and let sleeping dogs lie? I do understand that everyone is different so please don’t get me wrong.