Post # 1
It is a long, complicated story. The short, pointed version: I took my fiance to Bermuda for her birthday last year. We rented a scooter, we had an accident, and I crashed us into the wall. It was an accident, but still my fault b/c I was the one driving. She got a nasty gash in her shin and knee. It’s been nothing short of catastrophic since then. She now has a scar on her shin, lost all of her confidence in me, and needless to say there is no more wedding. I really don’t know where else to turn at this point, so I am looking everywhere I can. I need help with two tangible things at this point:
(1) Does anyone know of a good product to help conceal a scar? It’s probably about 2″ x 1″ on her shin. She’s Asian, so I’m not sure what color that would equate to because I get lost on the makeup sites.
(2) Does anyone know of a good plastic surgeon? I’ve asked my Dad (a Dr.), looked all over on-line, and it’s hard to know quality, so I’m hoping someone out there had a great experience with someone and can point me in the right direction. All of her consultations thus far have not gone well. We are from the D.C. area, but I’ll fly us anywhere in the world if they can give us hope of having the scar removed.
I’m sinking here and I really appreciate any help you guys can give me. I know of this website because she used it a lot in the past, and I’m grabbing at straws at right now.
Post # 3
Wait…she’s not going to marry you because she got a scar on her shin? Accidents happen, not to sound brash, but tell her to get over it.
Post # 4
I’m sorry, I hate to be the meany here… But she’s calling off the wedding because of a 2 inch scar from an accident ya’ll had?? That’s pretty ridiculous.
There has to be more to the story, and if there isn’t then I have to ask… you REALLY want to marry this woman??
Post # 5
Unfortunately I don’t know of any good products or plastic surgeons. After reading your post I am very surprised the wedding is off because of a vehicle accident. Has she lost faith in your “driving” ability or she has lost faith in you? If it is the latter, I’d be more concerned about her calling off the wedding because of the scar than about trying to hide a 2″ scar.
Post # 6
She’s being pretty childish. I mean, granted I would be a little upset with my Fiance for the accident, but I can’t imagine calling off a wedding for a tiny scar on my leg.
That’d be like wanting a divorce for getting stretch marks during pregnancy or something, ya know? Maybe you should talk to her and let her know that she’s being incredibly unreasonable and that you are heartbroken that your relationship/future was worth less than a scar.
Post # 7
Is scars were removable, they wouldn’t be called scars 😉
Most surgeons can do scar revision, which will minimize it.
Sadly, her confidence in you will not be restored by flying her anywhere in the world for surgery- though I admire your gusto. There is something a lot deeper going on.
Get counseling and realize what you really want and deserve in life , your girl the same. You will mess up many more times in life as a human, not necessarily phsyically….many coping and communication skills are in order!
Best of luck!
Post # 8
I was in a horrible car accident at 17. For years if I wasn’t driving a car, I would panic the entire time and I lost a lot of faith in a guy I was dating who used to do stupid things in the car to show off.
I’m telling you that from my experience, she is equating you with the trauma. Maybe she has PTSD and is just using your relationship as a way to cope with it. I think that the best and only way for her to properly deal with this is to go to a therapist to work through these issues.
I also have scars, and as much of a reminder as they may be, when I got over the trauma and my PTSD was resolved through therapy, the scars went from being a serious reminder of a horrible moment to just a mark on my skin. Fixing her scar will not fix anything but the scar.
Post # 9
I second this… @takemyhand:
I wasn’t in an accident or anything but it definitely sounds like what you need to do. Get her to talk to some one (like a therapist) and work through it. This has to be more than a scar….. No one calls off a wedding because of a scar.
Post # 10
Yeah, it’s definitely about more than just a scar. Like I said, it’s a long, complicated story. I’m trying to help with the facade b/c it’s a constant reminder and takes a heavy emotional toll on her. Was just looking for some help finding a decent concealor for her and consult with a plastic surgeon. We’ve been to therapy. Probably will return. Errr…thanks for the rest.
Post # 11
This is so sad to hear. I am of the school of thought that scars tell the story of our lives as we live them.
About a year ago, my fiance and I were cooking, and he was very tired and accidently knocked a pan into me and hot oil splashed on my hand. Was it painful? Of course. Was I incredibly upset at him? Sure. Did I eventually realize that they call them accidents for a reason- because in NO WAY are they intentional? You bet.
My fiance felt absolutely horrible, as I can see that you feel now. I was treated for a severe burn, and now it has faded to a darker patch of skin on my hand that you can still see. Am I self conscious? Absolutely not! It is not like it is on my face or something (I mean it is on her leg for crying out loud). At least once a day, my fiance will hold my hand and kiss the mark because it is a memory of a time in the past – even if it was not a fond one!
My take is, if this woman really loves you, she can get past this. What is next? Will she blame you if her body changes with children? What if this was actually a severe accident?!? It is just a scar on her leg, and you did not mean this! Cut yourself a little slack.
One last thing, it sounds like she may have had HUGE insecurities before this accident. Perhaps you can gently lead her toward a good therapist that can help her discuss why she is using this scar to displace insecurities about herself and your relationship.
Post # 12
@takemyhand: I was going to suggest that maybe she has PTSD. Otherwise, calling off the wedding for an accident (especially one that only left a 2 inch scar on her shin) is pretty unreasonable.
OP, how was your relationship beforehand? Did she suffer any more serious injuries when you crashed? Was she hospitalized? Has she ever been in an accident before? You can only do so much to help your girlfriend, and it sounds like you have gone above and beyond. I would recommend encouraging her to get therapy because her reaction is beyond what is normal or healthy in this situation. The accident isn’t something you should still be feeling guilty over, a year later, when the wound has literally healed–particularly not to the extent that you are willing to research & fly her to god-knows-where to get a small scar removed. As for concealing the scar (I’m not trying to be too judgmental here, but unless she’s a model or an actress, is not a big deal…and even so, there are models and actresses with more noticable scars than that), she should probably see a dermatologist and/or makeup artist. But seriously, a reasonable reaction to this is that she loses confidence in your driving ability, is scared/reluctant to ride in a vehicle with you for a while, and gets over it in a year or so (maybe with the help of therapy). I’m concerned that she’s taking advantage of you, given what you’ve written and how eager/willing you are to finance her obsession with this scar. Hopefully I’m not being too hard on her, and there are some details about the situation that have been left out that would paint her in a more favorable light.
ETA: I know that may not be the response you’re looking for, but I felt the need to chime in becuase it really doesn’t sound like any plastic surgery or makeup will fix what is really wrong here. It’s wonderful that you’re willing to support her and I can understand wanting to be proactive in the situation, but taking her around the world to find a top-notch plastic surgeon may actually exacerbate her obsession with these “imperfections.” All I can really recommend is therapy, therapy, therapy. Do you have a physician? You should ask for plastic surgeon referrals from them. Yelp is a good resource for user-generated reviews, and a quick search for plastic surgeons in the DC area yielded quite a few well-reviewed results, including some dermatologists that might be able to minimize scarring without surgery. Here’s a link, in case you’re curious: http://www.yelp.com/search?find_desc=plastic+surgeon&find_loc=washington%2C+dc&ns=1. Good luck!
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Post # 15
I slammed my forehead on a table last year and had 11 stitches through my eyebrow and up through the middle of my face. I used Scaraway silicone patches religiously for several months and within about 6-9 months, my scar was practically invisible. I don’t even need to cover it with makeup.
You can buy these in drugstores or online. I paid about $25 a box. http://www.myscaraway.com/
Post # 16
I agree with others about everything they’ve said and that it definitely sounds like it’s about more than a scar but I posted about a product I used on a scar a while back and thought it might help at least a little.
For those with scars they may want to minimize (Warning- semi-gross picture)