(Closed) I need some help big time bee’s

posted 7 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
818 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I can completely understand what you are going through! I reached a point where I had to tell my husband that as much as I love him, I needed some alone time. About once a week or so he’ll leave the house for an hour or two so that I can be alone.  I know he’d leave for longer if I asked him to.  I’m sorry your guys isn’t getting the message to give you a little breathing room.

Post # 4
Member
1006 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

This sounds like me 2 years ago! I was unemployed after getting laid off and so I was at home alone all day long and when my Fiance would come home I would be all over him. I was craving human interaction!

He told me that he needed time to unwind when he got home so we worked it out to where he would come in the door, say hi, kiss me and then go into the office. He’d be in there for about an hour and then we’d be together after that. It seemed to help to set those boundaries.

I was craving some human interaction. When you’re in the house alone all day, every day you get stir crazy. I tried to not leave the house because it was cheaper. If you go out, somehow you spend money on something. (food, coffee, parking, window shopping.. it just adds up). So in addition to my job hunting, I started an Etsy business. It kept me busy during the day, gave me something to talk about with friends other than.. so yeah.. still unemployed! and it kept me off FI’s back when he got in the door.

I think your husband just needs something to do. Could he volunteer somewhere a few days a week? That will help to give him some activity for his body and mind and some human interaction. It should help to get him off your back too.

Post # 5
Member
4324 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

@mrsjustinm2b:  I think you might have success if you changed your presentation. His ego has taken a hit, and he probably feels less than worthy right now, so he’s just looking for some reassurance from you that he’s still “good enough” even though he is incapable at providing at the moment. 

It’s not going to help him to hear that you don’t want to be nearby. He wants to feel loved. I completely understand where you’re coming from, believe me I get it. 

Why don’t you try giving him tasks to do that will 1) make him feel worthwhile, and 2) will inherently get him out of your personal bubble. Say things like, “you know what would be amazing? I’ve been wanting to (insert odd job here), but I need your muscly arms to do (this part of the job) for me. You’re so good at things like that!”   <– Stroke his ego. Make him think he’s EXCITED to do these things, and offer a little reward afterwards so he wants to do more things of this nature. Or, ask him to go to the grocery store for you. Conveniently “forget” an item or two that is integral to the meal you are making, and make him seem saintly for saving the day! 

Maybe you could purchase him a little Groupon activity? Those are generally on the cheap side if his unemployment has put a strain on the checkbook. Buy ONE only (so you don’t have to go!), and tell him to go have a blast! He deserves it, after all! What, with unemployment causing stress, etc. 

Try to be positive when you interact with him, because this can’t be easy for him, just as it’s not easy for you to lose your independence because of his clingy nature. OR— you could always go hop in the bathtub and soak up some alone time too. Or will he follow you in and sit on the potty until you’re done? 🙂   j/k 

Post # 6
Member
1798 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

A couple of weeks ago I could have written this post. I told my husband several times to just get out of the house for a few hours a week so I could have some alone time, but it wasn’t getting through. The problem was that while I was at work all day, he was having more than enough alone time at home, so whenever I got home, he wanted to spend time together, meanwhile I just wanted to unwind. What finally helped is that he got a part-time job at 7-11. He works in the evenings, so I can come home after work and have time for myself. Since it’s only part-time, he has plenty of time during the day to keep up with his job search. The extra income has also done a lot to reduce our stress levels.

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