Post # 1
If any of you remember my previous post, you’ll know that since Darling Husband has been unemployed he has been under foot and driving me bananas. I really, really, REALLY need some space from him. I finally decided to talk to him about it, and I thought he would be fine but it seems he’s been more clingy than ever! I think he’s worried because I told him I need space (like time to do my own crap on the couch in front of him like read a book or work on a blog, not wander the counrtyside lol), and also he is bored.
He is very much all about me, most of the time I don’t mind, I love doing things together but LEAVE THE DAMNED HOUSE ONCE IN AWHILE!! Go see your mom, your friend a town over, hell stay overnight if you want but please for the love of god stop acting like if you are not touching me or beside me or talking to me that I am going to disapear. Thanks be that he had a job interview and it went well. He was only gone two hours for that and I actually didnt sleep after my night shift I could be alone in the house for a few hours…Why do I all of a sudden feel that I’m being smothered?? How can I get the space I need and still make sure Darling Husband feels loved and not neglected? I feel terrible for feeling this way but he’s making me want to scream! I love him to pieces but we are not attached at the hip! I do go out By The Way, but when I am home he is literally ALL OVER ME. Has to be on the same piece of furniture I am on at all times…or sneaking up behind me in the kitchen, I want to scream “FOR GODS SAKE GO AWAY AND FIND SOMTHING TO DO THAT ISNT ME!”
Post # 3
I can completely understand what you are going through! I reached a point where I had to tell my husband that as much as I love him, I needed some alone time. About once a week or so he’ll leave the house for an hour or two so that I can be alone. I know he’d leave for longer if I asked him to. I’m sorry your guys isn’t getting the message to give you a little breathing room.
Post # 4
This sounds like me 2 years ago! I was unemployed after getting laid off and so I was at home alone all day long and when my Fiance would come home I would be all over him. I was craving human interaction!
He told me that he needed time to unwind when he got home so we worked it out to where he would come in the door, say hi, kiss me and then go into the office. He’d be in there for about an hour and then we’d be together after that. It seemed to help to set those boundaries.
I was craving some human interaction. When you’re in the house alone all day, every day you get stir crazy. I tried to not leave the house because it was cheaper. If you go out, somehow you spend money on something. (food, coffee, parking, window shopping.. it just adds up). So in addition to my job hunting, I started an Etsy business. It kept me busy during the day, gave me something to talk about with friends other than.. so yeah.. still unemployed! and it kept me off FI’s back when he got in the door.
I think your husband just needs something to do. Could he volunteer somewhere a few days a week? That will help to give him some activity for his body and mind and some human interaction. It should help to get him off your back too.
Post # 5
@mrsjustinm2b: I think you might have success if you changed your presentation. His ego has taken a hit, and he probably feels less than worthy right now, so he’s just looking for some reassurance from you that he’s still “good enough” even though he is incapable at providing at the moment.
It’s not going to help him to hear that you don’t want to be nearby. He wants to feel loved. I completely understand where you’re coming from, believe me I get it.
Why don’t you try giving him tasks to do that will 1) make him feel worthwhile, and 2) will inherently get him out of your personal bubble. Say things like, “you know what would be amazing? I’ve been wanting to (insert odd job here), but I need your muscly arms to do (this part of the job) for me. You’re so good at things like that!” <– Stroke his ego. Make him think he’s EXCITED to do these things, and offer a little reward afterwards so he wants to do more things of this nature. Or, ask him to go to the grocery store for you. Conveniently “forget” an item or two that is integral to the meal you are making, and make him seem saintly for saving the day!
Maybe you could purchase him a little Groupon activity? Those are generally on the cheap side if his unemployment has put a strain on the checkbook. Buy ONE only (so you don’t have to go!), and tell him to go have a blast! He deserves it, after all! What, with unemployment causing stress, etc.
Try to be positive when you interact with him, because this can’t be easy for him, just as it’s not easy for you to lose your independence because of his clingy nature. OR— you could always go hop in the bathtub and soak up some alone time too. Or will he follow you in and sit on the potty until you’re done? 🙂 j/k
Post # 6
A couple of weeks ago I could have written this post. I told my husband several times to just get out of the house for a few hours a week so I could have some alone time, but it wasn’t getting through. The problem was that while I was at work all day, he was having more than enough alone time at home, so whenever I got home, he wanted to spend time together, meanwhile I just wanted to unwind. What finally helped is that he got a part-time job at 7-11. He works in the evenings, so I can come home after work and have time for myself. Since it’s only part-time, he has plenty of time during the day to keep up with his job search. The extra income has also done a lot to reduce our stress levels.
Post # 7
Thanks everyone for letting me vent, I feel alot less like a crazy evil beeotch right now lol
@scadadle15: I totally get that he is bored to tears, the thing is he has no outside hobbies, no real friends that he hangs out with too too often, most of them are busy with their own stuff or far enough away that fuel cost is a real issue to get there. He needs coworkers. I am trying so so hard to be very very kind to him and just give him lots of attention when I come home after leaving the house to go visit my sister and her cats 🙂 (DH is very allergic and usually will pass on hanging out with mom and sis if its at their place and it isnt an event where weve cleaned and locked that cats up prior to his arrival lol. This has become my new hideout to avoid blowing cash at the mall.
My mom and I were talking about relationship patterns and I realized that one of mine is that when I feel finally secure and safe in a relationship I tend to push back for a bit more “me-ness”, and want to pursue interests outside things we do together. I have had past BF’s that I actually broke up with for being clingy when I really needed my space and causing drama when if they had just given me a few nights with my gals and a week or two of allofness I would have been great. Give me somthing to talk about other than work ya know? (which I hate right now By The Way so I dont like to rehash too much at home with Darling Husband and cause myself more stress)
Its odd that if we were not married I would probably have told Darling Husband to hit the road, but now that we are married I seem to care way more about how the whole thing is affecting his happiness and our releationship. I just need to take the space I need, but I still feel evil for rolling my eyes everytime he inturrupts me when I am doing somthing else, for example reading. It’s beyond annoying, but I just have to smile cause I know he feels like shit for not having a job, and I do not think now is the time to talk about my need for space. I think maybe I should save this one for a time when Darling Husband isnt feeling low about the job thing and I am not cranky for lack of space. I will just be extra “busy”. A trip to the mall so be it if it saves us a fight 🙂