Post # 1
So my younger sister is my MOA for my June 2, 2012 wedding. However, she is currently 5-6 weeks pregnant which means she will be 7-8 mos pregnant @ my wedding. She is currently still with the father of the baby, but they have no intention of getting marrried anytime soon. The thing I do not get is why does my fiance’ and everyone else expected me to kick her out of the wedding? (even she asked me if she was kicked out) No way is hell am I kicking my only sibling out of my wedding just cause she is pregnant. Am I completely out of touch here?
A little backgound info–I am not currently catholic ( I am considering converting when I am done with college 2 years). My family/sister is not catholic. I am getting married in the catholic church to please my fiance and his mom. I would get married outdoors if it were up to me.
Any other brides have pregnant bridesmaids?
Post # 3
that’s ridiculous! why on earth would you need to kick her out?? i’ve known plenty of pregnant women that have been bridesmaids. i don’t understand why people think that’ll ruin a wedding! just a tip though…if you don’t want your sister to hate you for the rest of her life, pick a dress that is flattering for a pregnant woman…even if it’s not 100% what you had invisioned
Post # 4
I think kick her out is not a good way of putting it, but when you’re 7-8 months pregnant sometimes you don’t feel up to standing a lot, dancing, and being on the go all day long. I would say of course there are lots of people that are totally fine up until they go into labor but I have some friends that were on bed rest at 7-8 months. I have 1 bridesmaid that is trying to get pregnant after her Feb wedding, so if it turns out that she is pregnant (very pregnant, like 8-9 months) for the wedding we said she probably wouldn’t be able to be in the wedding.
Post # 5
@Jamie42003: I am Catholic and don’t understand why you would need to remove her! Don’t allow that to happen, unless, of course, she herself feels uncomfortable being part of the wedding (it might simply be too draining for her).
Post # 6
@Jamie42003: I doubt the questions/assumptions about kicking her out have anything to do with getting married in a Catholic church (if that’s what you’re asking;) I would assume that it has more to do with the practicalities of having someone who is “that” pregnant be fitted in a dress, have those extra duties, etc.
Post # 7
I wouldn’t “kick her out”, is Fiance fam “hella” catholic? For some VERY traditional families i could see why they would be over reacting to that. I don’t see anyhting wrong with having a prego bm! I think it’d be cute! but otherwise I am with you OP I don’t see what the big deal is. 7-8 months isn’t that big of a deal, besides if her due date was on your wedding date MAYBE then I would question it. Being pregnant doesn’t disable you, I am sure she could attend a 45 min ceremony. At a catholic cermeony the gm and bm dont stand up there the whole time with you anyways.
Post # 8
That’s silly, don’t kick her out. I agree, though, she might not feel up to being a full blown Maid/Matron of Honor for the wedding being 7-8 months pregers so just keep that in mind. I would definitely talk to her and ask if she wants to stay and if so, keep her! But if she doesn’t feel comfortable with it since she can’t run around all day I would let her make the decision to step down.
Post # 9
I agree. Don’t kick her out just because she is pregnant. But make sure she is okay/able to participate. If she isn’t then I would let her step down if that would make her more comfortable and is what she want’s to do.
Post # 10
If she still wants to participate, I don’t see why you wouldn’t let her. I would be very upset if my sister wasn’t my Maid/Matron of Honor.
Darling Husband & I did get married in a Catholic ceremony and all of our groomsmen and half of the bridesmaids were not Catholic and did not receive Communion and it was completely fine. I don’t see why this would be much different.
Post # 11
THanks guys! No way am I kicking her out! I feel a little less “crazy” now.
Post # 12
No, I think kicking her out would be inappropriate. The priest should remind guests that only Catholics in good standing with the Church (or known as being in a state of grace) are permitted to go to communion. As such she should not be receiving communion but that doesn’t mean she can’t be in your wedding party.
Post # 13
She’s your sister! Don’t kick her out if you want her there! Really, most of the guests that would possibly be bothered by an unmarried pregnant woman won’t even know that she isn’t married! You’re definitely not crazy… YOU get to pick your maid of honor!
Post # 14
@Jamie42003: Agreed – please don’t exclude her.
If the reason would be for her comfort/health because of advanced pregnancy, I’d say, check in with her to see what she’s comfortable with and do the best you can to accommodate her needs.
If the reason would be because people would be scandalized and think it was inappropriate to have an unwed mother to be in the bridal party at a church wedding: a generation or two ago that probably would have been the case, and some of the older or more hardcore traditionalist Catholic family members might raise an eyebrow. If you get any static, though, I encourage you to remind them of three things.
1) Forgiveness is an absolutely central tenet of Catholicism and all branches of Christianity. (n.b. I realize that you may feel there’s no reason anyone needs to forgive your sister. If they are judging her, though, then clearly they feel differently, and need to be reminded of what Jesus said to the Pharisees who were about to stone the woman caught in adultery.)
2) The Catholic church is so strongly pro-life that if they want to call themselves “good Catholics,” they should be doing everything they can to help and encourage your sister in her decision to have her baby, instead of stigmatizing her.
3) Finally, it wouldn’t hurt to remind them that Mary was a unwed mother when she got pregnant with Jesus.
Have a lovely wedding!