(Closed) I need some perspective please

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
457 posts
Helper bee

So sorry your going through this. It’s def a hard thing to go through. I am almost 30 and went through the SAME thing with my parents when I was your age. I didn’t hit me until I was 21 though and had moved back home with them after college. I have great parents, but like you I am very independent and it made it hard to adjust and for all of us to get along. I was an adult now and then didn’t get it.

It’s not uncommon to not get along with your parents at this age. I was miserable, unhappy and it destroyed my once good relationship with my parents, which made me even more depressed. I finally went to see a therapist. It helped a great deal to just vent my fustrations out, she surely recommended me moving out. But easier said then done. It took me 3 years to finally be able to move out.

My parents also went through a rough time in their marriage while I was living there which was awful, I was fully involved and knew things about my parents that I didn’t want to know and that hurt me terribly.

My best advice to you is to get out, therapy will help but the best move for you is moving out. I know it’s hard and like I said it took me awhile, but honestly, it was my fear that kept me there. I was independent but scared of leaving and being on my own if that makes any sense. You can make it work if you move out, find roommates, find a studio apartment. Start saving.

There is hope at the end of the tunnel though. I moved out and became even closer to my parents than I was before all the mess started. I have an amazing relationship with them and moving out was the best thing for ALL of us.

Post # 4
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

My parents used to be a lot like that, too. It got so much better when I finally got to college, and I learned I could just tell them no because I had a dorm to escape to. It sounds like they’re controlling you because they’re losing control of their own lives. It does get better, I promise! I’m sorry you have to deal with it now, though :(.

Post # 5
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think everyone over the age of 15 who lives with their parents “dreams about being independent and finally being able to having the freedom to make my own decisions.” Honestly I think you already said it yourself, you live in their house and depend on them financially and so on, so sadly you are bound by their rules… Just try to make the best of it as much as possible.

Post # 6
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I think that if you’re living with them and they are supporting you it doesn’t matter if you’re 5 years old or 50 years old.

Post # 7
Member
3526 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@bells:

Well said.

Sorry to be harsh but the best way to show them you are independent is to self sustain. Otherwise you are still depending on your parents therefore not indepedent.

While I do agree in some instances like you described they do seem a little overboard.

I honestly think alot of it is probably due to living with your parents.

Post # 8
Member
2821 posts
Sugar bee

I get along a lot better with my parents now that I don’t live with them.  Just as you’re going through an adjustment period of being in this adult world but not able to support yourself, they’re adjusting to having their kiddo become and adult and honestly a lot of parents don’t do it all that well (but neither do the kids who are still receiving financial support).  Try your best to start saving and get to a point where you can live on your own but until then try and sit down and talk to them about some of your concerns.

Post # 9
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Now that my mother and I don’t live together, I call her and we chitchat on the phone and are so much better friends than we ever were when I was under my parents’ roof! Maybe try to get some hobbies to help you wait it out?  Keep up the job search and take some time to yourself every once in a while to catch your breath– it sucks but you’ll get through it!

Post # 13
Member
277 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Sorry, I have very little advice to give you, but…

.. I just want to say your writing is EXACTLY like Anne Frank in her diary. Honestly, your post could be a page off the Anne Frank diary. Your problems are exactly the same!

Now to the bad advice bit… Everyone’s gone through the same problems as you, you’re still the child until you leave & have your own life, support yourself etc ect. That’s how it’s always been.

Post # 14
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Awww hon. (((((((hugs))))))))) living at home is really tough. Are you able to move back into the dorms at all? Commuting that much sucks!!! Or could you find a couple of room mates and a temp job to make some quick cash?

Post # 15
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

@Koala Bear: I think when Gerbera says “self sustain” she means live without any financial support from them. Be able to pay rent, groceries, etc on your own.

Post # 16
Member
3526 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@bakerella:

Yup. That’s what I meant.I’m assuming that since you are living at home you are not paying rent, not paying your share of utilities, your share of groceries (buying them dinner once in a while when you feel like it does not count), etc etc. Everything that you use day to day by living there that your parents are paying for. You’ll be surprise what a big bite toilet paper, paper towels, napkins, soda, milk, etc take out of your monthly budget!

There is a systematic set of bills that comes with day to day life and of being independent that you do not have because you are living at home.

I mean try and think of it from their perspective as well. Maybe they are thinking as much as we love our daughter and having her at home is great, she is really cramping our style! Especially since you were gone for a year (?) and they had a taste of empty nest freedom.

I’m sorry if I’m being harsh! I’m just trying to be honest.

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