Post # 1
I think I’ve been very positive about this whole waiting thing for a long time. I’ve been trying to see the positives. But right now, I am feeling the sting of the waiting bee.
I just saw that one more of my SO’s and my couple-friends just got engaged.
I don’t know why this one is getting to me. Maybe because I found out at 1:15 am when I had finished putting together a big-ass conference poster and I’m dead tired. Maybe because the girl is a little braggy at times. Maybe it is because they haven’t even been together half as long as I’ve been with my SO.
I can’t help right now but think of all the couples we’ve been friends with that had not even been together for the first two SO and I were dating… and now are engaged. I can think of 5 in our group of friends and family without giving it much thought.
I am happy for them. Really. And I know everyone’s life follows a different path. But right now it just sucks for me. Especially because SO and I can’t get engaged right now, but that’s mostly because of what is going on in his life, not mine. My life is together enough to make this step, and now I’m waiting for him. Only he’s had a little bit of a setback just recently, pushing back our already vague timeline. Maybe that is why I’m upset right now.
What I really want to do is point this engagement out and say “See! They’ve been together less than half as long as we have been!” In the moment want to tell him that after being together this long and not being able to get engaged it is starting to hurt. Really, though, I know I shouldn’t. I don’t want to be a reason we get engaged before we should. I don’t want him to feel pressured to propose because he feels bad, because that would feel far less special. I don’t want to be the poor waiting girlfriend to him.
I just had to get that out here so I wouldn’t vent it to SO. Thanks for reading.
Post # 3
@qwerty2k1: I hear ya its hard….even harder when its a sibling and it almost makes you feel like they think your a less valid couple because there is no ring….but it passes….im still waiting and everytime i turn around another person is engaged who has only been together a few years…..so i COMPLETELY understand how you feel…..
I really dont have any advice other then to say itll be ok *(wich i know is crap advice….but ehhh….its all we can do is remember this too shall pass….) just breathe….ive taken up a quazi online journal….well computer journal…..i never save what i write….i just open up a document in my folder and let out the crazy….and then take a deep breah and delete it….it does help because i can say all the “gosh….the B***H dosent deserve it….” out of my system and erase it and move on….
good luck hope he dosent make u wait much more….
Post # 4
@qwerty2k1: I’ve decided that it’s all a mass conspiracy. Everytime something engagement related comes up, I just tell myself it’s a conspiracy, then I laugh and move on. Waiting sucks, especially when there are setbacks, and when it’s something you want, it sucks even more. Just try to breathe and vent here, and that will help somewhat. The rest of it you just have to find a way through. You can do it though. -hugs-
Post # 5
Hang in there girl. I’m sorry you are hurt and sad about this, but there isn’t anything you can do about it. If you are sure you will marry this guy, than think it’s just a matter of time, and time passes 🙂 At least is what I think to myself. I have a great relationship, I love my boyfriend and i’am 100% sure he loves me too and wants me to marry him, it’s just a matter of time, till his ready and things settle down.
I feel very ready to this step, but since marriage is a team, I have to wait till my partner is as ready as I am, no?
Enjoy your relationship and everything that its good in it, and don’t let this engaged couples let you down. Your turn will come too, and will be as precious as you think it will be, so don’t despair 🙂
Post # 6
That really blows! I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.
Post # 7
@qwerty2k1: Someone shared a tip with me that i’ll share with you: ask yourself if you would want to be in that relationship.
At first I thought it was dumb, but when I started doing it and really examining the ins-and-outs of these “lucky” ladies relationships, I most definitely am NOT envious of them beating me to the altar.
A couple examples from my personal life:
Couple A: male fiancee is a good friend of ours, proposed to a woman he’d known for only 3 months. She is a 30-something who parties like a teenager and cant hold her liquor, and he’s already trying to rope my Boyfriend or Best Friend into scheming with him on how to get to a strip club for his bachelor party…something she has expressly forbid. Both have previous marriages.
Couple B: another good male friend of my Boyfriend or Best Friend. He started dating his now fiancee long after we started dating. We rarely saw his Girlfriend because he was always too busy hanging out with a female friend of his, and he even let her sleep over at his place after they’d hang out. His GF/now-fiancee is hopelessly naive and her BF/now-fiancee is perhaps THE most dull individual I’ve ever met.
Couple C: good friends of mine. Fiancee is a known flirt and possible cheater, and everyone knows it. The female half lets him do whatever he wants because she wants to be the “cool wife” and not have him resent her. What she doesnt realize (or does but is in denial) is that because of her laid-back attitude and no standards, he has ZERO respect for her.
I could go on. These are people I used to be jealous of until I really looked at things under a microscope. I’ve been using this “technique” for a couple of months now and currently when I see someone else has been proposed to, I dont feel so bad.
Post # 8
This is why I love the bee 🙂 Thank you everyone. I’ve been reading your messages over the day (sorry, I would have responded earlier but it’s been a crazy busy day!) and they’ve all made me feel a little better. I’m glad to know I’ve got the company of you all. I’m going to tell myself it’s all a consiracy (haha, love that one). I’m going to consider why my relationship is what I want, not theirs. I’ll write out my frustrations and delete them.
I do feel much better about it all today. I also happen to be going on a week long trip tomorrow with my SO, so I’ve got that to look forward to 🙂
Post # 9
@badabing88: This is actually SUCH a great idea…
The funny thing is, my SO always says it to me whenever we talk about people we know getting engaged. He had been saving for over a year (we bought a house and a dog in the middle of it…) and I had a really rough time last summer with a lot of friends getting engaged. He would laugh and then tell me, “But babe…they’re MISERABLE and he only proposed because she had an heirloom ring and cornered him on her birthday sobbing and begging! I’m going to be so excited to propose the minute Ihave the ring!” Or, he would say to me “but is your friend really happy? It sounds to me like she complains about their relationship a lot…this seems more like a bandaid than ap roposal, no?”
I’m amazed at how smart he is but I think sometimes being male helps being able to see things without the cloud of emotion a waiting girl gets 😉
Post # 10
@qwerty2k1: I know EXACTLY what you’re going through! Isn’t it funny how it’s possible to genuinely be happy for the people who have what you want but it still doesn’t negate that longing feeling that reminds you that you still feel a void? I’m sorry and I really wish teh circumtances were different so you could have it be your turn! And, I’m so glad this site exists so we can take those feelings here and not vent to our SO!