(Closed) I need some validation! (vent)

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
131 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

If you are paying for everything and are happy with what you are doing, there is no reason he needs to know anything. He may be a groomsman but seriously, why does he need to know anything but what to put on, where to show up, and what time to be there? It’s people like that that made my husband and I elope. Everyone had an unwelcome opinion about what we were planning and we got sick of it…

Post # 4
2891 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

My Poppy always said: “Weddings sure bring out the worst in a family. Everyone sticking their noses in where they don’t belong. ….”

sadly too true!

Post # 5
1253 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Sounds like he knows you’re in debt, and doesn’t want you to get more in debt for your wedding. Maybe he’s worried about his brother, who knows. In anycase, I would just shrug it off and ignore him.

Post # 6
5657 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

Your money is your business, not theirs. Just ignore your Future Brother-In-Law and try not to let his negative attitude bother you.

Post # 7
5977 posts
Bee Keeper


a) B/c we want a band and a DJ and NOT just a CD player. Do you want to man the CD player? I didn’t think so.

b) It’s actually perfect for our budget, but thanks for sharing your thoughts about our wedding!

Or you could just punch him in the face :o)

Post # 9
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m with bostonmom,  he is most likely worried about his brother since you guys are already in debt.  I would feel the same way if my brother were in debt and was spending lots of money on a wedding. I think he is just concerned

Post # 10
5885 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

“Thank you for your concern (because we are going to assume the best here and assume it’s concern and not that you are being judgemental), but we’ve worked out a budget we are comfortable with. We’ve made that decision with the budget in mind.”

Post # 11
2606 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I, too, agree that he knows you are in debt and thinks it’s unwise to drive yourself further into debt for a wedding.  He is concerned about his brother (and probably you) and it just expressing it poorly.  

After all is said is done, a wedding is a one-day event, and if you’re already in debt, it could take you months or years to pay it off.  A better thing for him to say might have been, “I know it’s your wedding, but I am concerned about what’s going to happen when the bills start rolling in.  Are you guys going to be able to afford all this?  Maybe a band OR a DJ would be better than both.  And perhaps we could help you find a venue that is nice but a little more affordable.  Maybe two dresses isn’t a good idea when you are already low on funds.”  But he’s a guy….they say what comes to mind without thinking about how it sounds.  Without knowing him, I can’t say for sure, but to me, he sounds like a worried brother and nothing more.  Listen to the message behind what he’s saying rather than the actual words coming out of his mouth.

If you guys know your financial situation, are comfortable with spending the money you are spending and are comfortable with what it will take to pay off the additional debt, and if you guys won’t later be going to family members asking for money to pay off said debt, then the decision of what to spend on the wedding ultimately falls to you and your husband-to-be.

Post # 12
767 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Like Dr. Joy says, “smile and act stupid,” which means just smile and act like you didn’t just hear the rude comment your Future Brother-In-Law made.

This has been my mantra during the wedding planning process.

Post # 13
5110 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2011

As long as you and your Fiance are happy with what you are doing, then do it and dont worry about what anybody else thinks. You know what you two want out of  your wedding. Go for it.

I guess I can understand their worry if you are already in debt.. But its not their business and they could express it in a diffrent way.

Post # 14
470 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I’d say “You’re not paying for anything so shut your whore mouth”

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