Post # 1
I’m basically at war with myself. My fiance and I live in a little one-bedroom apartment, that has been “falling apart” more and more as the days go by. I could never bring a baby into this place, no matter how badly my fiance and I both want to be parents.
So, we’re looking for houses and hoping to get a loan from the USDA but the application will take over a month before we hear anything back from the offices. I want to find a place to settle, but I’m worried we don’t make enough money to pay a mortgage on top of other bills. And as far as finding a better apartment that has at least 2 bedrooms seems nearly impossible without having to couch up 1,000+ dollars to pay security deposit, first and last months rent. Again, I want a place to call our own, where I know we’ll be there for 20 or more years and I can feel comfortable and stable for myself and my family.
I’m rational until I see a baby on TV or hear about another one of my friends finding out that she’s pregnant. This is probably the hardest thing that I’ve had to deal with, but thankfully, my relationship with my fiance has never been better, which makes me want to have a baby with him even more.
At my appointment yesterday, my doctor told me she was going to put me on low estrogen pills. She says with the lower dose, side effects as far as mood swings and irritability shouldn’t be as bad. If this doesn’t work, she said we could try the Mini Pill. Things have been so good with my fiance and I’m worried as soon as I get back on the pill, we’ll stop getting along so well. I’ve been off the pill for a month and I’ve been happier and he’s been happier. But I’ve been having symptoms of an ovarian cyst on my left side. It flares up the most right around the time of ovulation so I’m wondering if maybe I have a follicle cyst or something. It only happens on my left side and I thought you alternate each month, left ovary this month, right ovary next month? This, and the fact that I couldn’t get pregnant knowing this is where I would be bringing my baby home, are the main reasons why I’m giving the low estrogen pills a try. I’m crossing my fingers and hoping I don’t slip back under the depression cloud.
Post # 3
If you can’t even come up with $1000 to pay a security deposit on an apartment, how on earth would you pay for a baby? Have you actually sat down and priced out what a baby costs?!
Also, how would you get approved for a mortgage if you don’t have any money saved for a down payment?
Post # 4
Sounds harsh but I agree w. @crayfish. Babies are expensive. I think that bringing the baby into a small apartment isn’t such a huge concern – they’re a baby.. they don’t notice they surroundings. All they need is food, clothes, diapers, love. With that said, though, those things are expensive. I’d be more worried that the baby would pick up on the stress (lack of money). If you can’t afford $1,000 then bringing a baby into this world at this precise moment might not be wise. Save up for a bit and it sounds like your baby can then enter a nice, loving, stable home.
Post # 5
Coming up with a security deposit can be tough, I agree. I’ve certainly never gotten one back. Is it possible to take $200 a month out of your food/spending budget? If you do that for 5 months, you’ll have your deposit.
Post # 6
@crayfish: your approach is SUPER harsh:(
I do agree with her overall idea though. Maybe something has to change in your spending habits or even in both of your careers in order to be able to fufill your dream of home ownership and parethood.
My thing would be to save for a deposit and rent for as long as it takes and get that new apartment. And all while your pregnant….save money there too. Even take on seconds jobs. Maternity leave will leave you with nothing for those 6+ weeks and then daycare is super pricey too. So, your only solution is to save,save,save beforehand and to possible reconsider your jobs and consider one of you or both, taking on another job.
Post # 7
Have to agree with crayfish… it’s not harsh, it’s just reality. It just might have to wait a bit until you are able to afford parenthood better. If $1000 is a struggle, having a baby will be a disaster financially. Hope you find a better BC pill solution! I have cysts too and they are a royal pain!
Post # 8
chelseairene0008 I got pregnant end of my senior year of highschool and moved into my own place the end of that year. We brought our daughter into our little one bedroom apartment…it isn’t as bad as you think..your child will not notice yes it will be small but you need to worry about taking care of your child before jumping into more financial debt. My daughter is a year and a half now and we can now afford a house. Honestly living in the small apartment made us closer and appreciate our house now. Things will fall into place. Don’t jump into something like a house just because you are having a baby. They will love you either way. Its not a apartment that gives them a home its your love that gives them a home and comfort. Cheer Up(:
Post # 9
If you can set a timeline on when you will be out of the apartment and how soon you and your Fiance will be able to try for a baby it might make you feel a little better. Also, try to focus on your wedding first. And there don’t neccesarily have to be a lot of startup costs for a baby because sometimes family helps, you can go to 2nd hand stores, and a lot of stuff the baby can do without. But once that baby comes you either need to be in a place to lose your income and stay home with the baby or pay for day care. So if $1,000 seems a lot right now, you won’t be able to handle $1,000+ that day care may cost.
Post # 10
@crayfish: Like I said already, I’m rational. I know well enough I couldn’t afford I baby right now.
Post # 11
Just to make things clear because I didn’t mention it in my original post, I know I shouldn’t have a baby right now. I’m just saying that I’m having a hard time because all kinds of other women who “shouldn’t” be having children are getting pregnant left and right and it’s not fair for the child. I just needed to vent my feelings. I have goals and I plan to stick to them because I want to be 100 percent sure I can raise a baby, and give it everything it needs when the time is right. My apartment isn’t safe for a child, I don’t have the money for a child, so I won’t be getting pregnant all willy nilly just because I want one. So please don’t think I’m naive because I’m not.
Post # 12
I think while some of you may be correct in saying that it’d be tough for OP to afford a baby, you guys were a little harsh and quick to reply without really getting the point of her post! She recognizes that she can’t really have a baby right now and just wanted to see if anyone else is in the same situation.
Chelsea, you’re not alone in your conflicting feelings. My husband and I REALLY REALLY want a child. We have for a couple of years already. Like you, we live in a place where we couldn’t justify having a kid. Now to us that means we have to wait. But when my SIL heard my husband say that we couldn’t have a kid here, she turned to me and squealed “That means if you get knocked up, you get to move, too!” Um, no, that’s doesn’t magically happen, that’s something that I’d have to work at. She’s pregnant with her second, and while I’m happy for her and love her first child, it hurts so bad sometimes. I just have to keep reminding myself that I’m working towards the security and happiness of my future child. Also, it’s like, we’ve made it this far (been together 7+ years since we were in high school and so not ready to care for a kid), what’s a few more years?
So we’re waiting. He’s got one year left before he has his master’s in teaching, and we may be relocating after that, so we’re in what feels like a never-ending wait. It’s like, I can’t even have a countdown or plan ahead for anything because it may be a year, or it may be three, and either way I’m sad right now and it sucks. He and I both have times where we’ll get misty eyed thinking about kids and we just have to hold each other.
Take care of each other, and you be there sooner than you think. Know that you’re not alone and your feelings are very valid. Also, do try to set some cash aside each month, even if it is just a little bit. It could end up being your deposit, or a down payment, or even savings to help out when you are finally able to welcome your own little bundle into the world.
Post # 13
@crayfish: With the USDA loan, you don’t have to put any money down on a house. Your debt to income ratio has to be below a certain percentage and you have to make under a certain amount to qualify. That’s it.
Post # 14
@LittleSu: Thank you 🙂 We’re currently saving money so my fiancee can take a welding course this October. We try to save money all the time for a possible deposit in case this apartment got so bad that we have to leave, but whenever we get a little into the savings account, something comes up and the money has to be put towards something else.
Post # 15
@chelseairene0008: I hear you! Our appartment is small (probably tiny by US standards) and is very old (1840’s) and needs work doing to it. We are TTC regardless and will have to do it up to make it baby-ready should I fall pregnant. Yes, we could wait until our lives were 100 percent perfect before TTC but you can plan for everything and then things change. We both think we can make it work where we are and so are TTC.
Best of luck to you!
Post # 16
@chelseairene00 I am in a very similar boat! I feel for you, and I hope things work out in a relatively quick manner so that you can have a home and start a family. You are not naive, and that is such a good thing. Well done, keep working towards your goals! Blessings to you! 🙂