(Closed) I NEED THE BEE, Please Help a Crying Bee :-( (Long)

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 33
Member
859 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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@ConfusedAnonBee:  You will be ok. Please go get some help. Honestly, your situation is not beyond repair- there is no physical abuse, you aren’t heavy alcoholics or anything like that (at least not from what you’ve said), and if you both WANT it to work that’s half the battle. It really sounds like you and your husband need to get the drugs out of your life and learn how to communicate without being childish or condescending. I think it could really turn your relationship around!

Post # 34
Member
1065 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@ConfusedAnonBee:  Okay, I can speak to the weed thing. It is definitely habit-forming if not totally physically addictive. I know that the times that I have *abused* weed (not just used it casually) I was unhappy with my life, and generally, BORED. Miserable and BORED. 

Get out of the house. I would almost put you and him on pause and work on getting your head fixed. It sounds counter-intuitive, but don’t work on your relationship right now. Put it on the back burner. You have an addiction, debt, and dissatisfaction to work on.

I am so sorry your husband is being mean to you, but it might be his immature way of expressing frustration at your relapsing. He might be terrified of starting smoking again, too, and lashes out at you so you won’t “drag him down.” 

I don’t know what your work schedule is like, but try to do something stimulating in the morning. It’s hard to want to smoke when you’re busy.

Post # 35
Member
723 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I agree with those who say that you, too, are fighting very dirty. If I’m understanding correctly, you are BOTH trying to do a very hard thing: quit a habit which it seems that you have BOTH become dependent on. I don’t understand why, if you’re the one who doesn’t want to sleep with him, he is the one who has to sleep on the couch? Just saying that so you realize that I’m sure he is also very hurt and upset with what is happening. I think you both need to find a free support group–narcotics anonymous, perhaps, and maybe he should look into the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill to see if there’s a support group to help him with his bipolar disorder. There are resources out there for you, and I’m a little pissed at your doctor for basically saying “too bad, insurance doesn’t cover it.” There are sliding scale therapists in most cities/large towns. If your doc’s not willing to help, perhaps a friend or family member will help you look into this? You’re going through some really tough stuff and need some serious help to get through this. Kudos to you and him for trying to improve your lives. It’s not easy, but it will be so rewarding in the long run.

Post # 36
Member
528 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

[content moderated for snark, personal attack]

Post # 38
Member
3770 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

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@NJatTheDisco:  Are you serious? You can be come addicted to pretty much anything-porn, exercise, food. That was pretty rude for you to make those assumpotions because people disagreed with you.

Post # 39
Member
723 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

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@ConfusedAnonBee: That’s totally understandable. Fights are part of being in a relationship–everyone says/does things that are unfair or out of line at times. We’re human. Kudos to you for seeking to improve your situation, though, really. It’s not easy to do and you are on the right track. You both just need some support and compassion to get there.

Post # 40
Member
269 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Your DH is trying to quit something that you are having a hard time also quitting so you basically beg him to fail with you and now you are mad at him?  If you called him for support and he said you were acting pathetic and asked “what character” then I understand being this upset.  But by trying to sway him you were acting pathetic and I would question my DH’s character if he tried to get me to do something I did not want to.  And to top if off you didnt get your way so you stormed around the house and made him sleep on the couch.

I dont think the problem solely lies with your husband.  I think you need to take some responsibility for your actions. 

 

Post # 41
Member
47420 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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@ConfusedAnonBee:  There should be places in Ontario where you can get free counselling and support.

Many doctors have little knowledge about the services available in their communities.

Phone your Telehealth Ontario

1-866-797-0000

(you can choose to remain anonymous if you prefer), explain the situation to the nurses and they will guide you to the appropriate intake or program. Most communities have a mental health intake where you will meet with someone who will guide you to the appropriate program or service.

Even if you start with the drug problem, it will assist you in dealing with the problems it is creating in your marriage.

Post # 44
Member
2238 posts
Buzzing bee

I suggest going to NA meetings to help you stop smoking weed.

Dare I say, it sounds as if both of you are emotionally immature, which can happen when one uses drugs, especially heavily. He also has the added issues of Bi-polar. I suggest getting some books that will teach you and help you to handle your emotions better, express them clearly, argue without things getting out of hand, and to help you understand yourself and others more. 

Even if he doesn’t go to the meetings and read the books with you, you should probably still do them on your own, because issues such as these affect more than just your marriage. You will be better off in the long run if you start addressing these issues now, with or without your husband doing them with you. 

Post # 45
Member
981 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Yikes, chill out! Sounds like you were the one fighting dirty here. Pulling the covers off of him, twice? And sobbing hysterically? Wtf? Go to some meetings and knock off the weed smoking. Don’t put yourself in situations where it’s available. Make better decisions. 

Your reactions to him only throw fuel on the fire.

Post # 46
Member
1191 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

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@ConfusedAnonBee:  But was it fair for him to sleep on the couch and you to sleep in the nice comfy bed after trying to convince him to relapse with you?  Honestly, if my husband and I gave up an addiction both of us had and he tried to convince me to relapse, I’d be pissed at him because it’s just not fair.  it’s hard enough to stop a bad habit.. it’s WAY harder when someone else is going “Come on, I’ll do it with you.. it’ll be okay”

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