I need tips on how to deal with a toxic wedding guest…

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
2579 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

My caterer will let us go up in numbers after the final count but not back down. It may be worth it to ask yours and avoid this whole situation. 

Post # 4
Member
403 posts
Helper bee

It is rude not to let the bride or her family know about who will be coming. It is beyond rude to add extra family members who were not on the list. This needs to be communicated clearly to this family.

Post # 5
Member
12078 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

It was inconsiderate not to RSVP, if that’s the case, but in my experience, almost any decent caterer can and will  add a handful to the count last minute. Saying there will not be enough food a week out  is probably disingenous. Is being right worth the risk of creating a rift with a close family member? IMO it’s not. 

There also seems to be some miscommunication. The cousin’s wife says she told Fiance months ago that her son would be coming. A verbal reply is still a reply. Your H may or may not recall the conversation accurately. As you say, he’s not focused on wedding stuff at work. Personally I’d give her the benefit of the doubt, bite the bullet and add him.

The “girl he’s been seeing” and his children are another story. I’d stand firm there. They mentioned nothing about them until the last minute and may not have even been invited in the first place. 

Post # 7
Member
2579 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

She’s family. Whether you like her or not. What other ways could she possibly have you accommodated her? We have a toxic cousin’s wife as well. She’s full of drama and judgement and called our wedding an inconvenience because it’s near the beach during the summer. So I understand not wanting to change things for one person. However I think you’d be better off letting the son come (since you invited him anyway) and playing nice. 

Post # 8
Member
12078 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

MsSparrow :  I’d definitely stand firm on the Girlfriend of less than a week. He doesn’t get a +1. 

Post # 9
Member
2146 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I dont understand at all why she couldnt just hand the RSVP to your husband when she saw him at work, thats common sense and could of avoided all of this as it would of been written confirmation… to be honest you making it harder for guests to RSVP lead to this, who turns down a garanteed RSVP return for a could possibly get lost or forgotten about postal one undecided

Post # 12
Member
1890 posts
Buzzing bee

Don’t let her stress you out the week before your wedding. She is just one small woman who always finds a way to be unhappy. There are much more important people in your life coming to celebrate with you, who are going to be so happy to be a part of your day. Focusing on this woman right now would be doing your other guests a disservice.

Post # 13
Member
6146 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

I don’t think you should do anything more. You reached out to them multiple times. Your Fiance has a right to focus on work at work and it shouldn’t have been that big of an issue to reply to one ONE of your messages if mailing the rsvp back was so insurmountably difficult.

In last week before my wedding, the last thing I’d be willing to do is call caterers and make accommodations for people who have already made extra work for you.

I would put her and her son out of mind and focus on the final details before your wedding. Your Fiance doesn’t seem that concerned by her and neither does her husband, I’d follow their lead.

Post # 14
Member
265 posts
Helper bee

I would try and accommodate the son and his kids, the people you originally extended the invite to. If you can, great. If you can’t, well you tried. Then I would wash my hands of it and think happy thoughts about the wedding. 

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