I need tips on how to deal with a toxic wedding guest…

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 16
1044 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

I would just ask your caterer if they can accommodate them all. It doesn’t seem worth starting a feud if you can avoid it, and I think your Fiance basically brought this on himself by refusing to take the RSVP in person.

Post # 17
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Ugh. At this point I would also ask the caterer first. It’s just not worth the stress or continued drama for you if it’s something that they can add on (though I know the money aspect can be frustrating).  

Not sure what to say otherwise. Sorry 🙁 weddings really seem to highlight some of people’s best or worst traits. 

Post # 18
568 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

News flash– all those Yes’s on the RSVP’S?  10-15% will be no-shows so this rude guy and his brood will have seats and all the food they can stand.

–//–So she DID RSVP but your Fiance refused to just take the envelope.  Or he may have taken the envelope and forgotten all about it.  

To tell this lady there wouldn’t be enough food for him and he could maybe have a snack and dessert was a little ridiculous, and her being unreasonable, of course this comment made her crazed!  

Reaching out by texting obviously is no way to “reach out.”  Next time pick up the phone and call her!  She feels she DID RSVP and she didn’t need to stop and start answering your repeated texts asking her about it.

Call her and say you spoke to the caterer and he reassured you there was plenty for one and all and you had no idea.  You will love to see the whole family there!  Be gracious even when people are idiots!

Post # 19
1306 posts
Bumble bee


So the son is 24 years old…can you just contact him directly and explain that he’s welcome but so sorry, can’t accommodate the last minute add of the gf? 24 years old is an adult…old enough hopefully to understand. That way you communicate directly to him that he’s welcome (if that’s what you want to do) without her drama in the middle.

Post # 20
4036 posts
Honey bee

Hmmm… My daughter invited 250 guests and 225 accepted. There was only 1 no-show; the guest’s father fell very ill, on another continent, and she had to fly-out that day.

Had they had additional guests RSVP late (they requested online responses – all but 1 couple responded, 10 days before the due date), the venue could have accomdated them with food, but they wouldn’t have had a tablecloth, chair cover, or centerpiece.

Post # 21
12114 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

palebluepetals :  In general the guideline is that 10-15% will RSVP with regrets, not that 10-15% will no show after saying they will be there. I don’t know anyone who had no shows at that rate, though I’ve read one or two stories on here to that effect. I always find it hard to believe that anyone could be that awful and rude. When it does happen to that extreme, it seems like a shocking outlier. 

Post # 22
477 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

Bee, I just wanted to chime in to say that I don’t think it’s ridiculous that your Fiance wouldn’t accept the RSVP by hand. I’m probably in the minority, but that is the whole reason RSVPs are sent out with return postage. Once you start letting people RSVP the way they want to, it gets incredibly hard to keep track. We had several people try to RSVP by text or fb (and sometimes not even directly to me, but to my mother…), and I thanked them, but asked that they also still send their RSVP back since I was using the RSVP cards to keep track of and form the table assignments.

Anyone trying to make you feel bad about the way you reached out to these folks to try to get a response is off base. It is the week before your wedding. It was kind of you to even try to attempt to contact people who can’t follow a simple instruction for an RSVP. Do what you can, but don’t stress yourself out.

Post # 23
506 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

If this is how you answered her, her applaud you for staying calm and straight forth.  You are welcome to ask the caterer if they can make any changes but you are definitely not obligated too.   Glad that her husband stood up for you!

Post # 24
7643 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Why are you communicating with this woman at all? Communicate directly with the 24 year old ADULT son. I’m willing to bet that he doesn’t care so much, it’s just his mother pushing on his behalf.

Post # 26
12114 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

MsSparrow :  You might want to  ask your caterer more specifically whether you can add last minute rather than guaranteeing ahead of time.  That way you won’t be out any money. Some caterers will tell you to intentionally undercount by a few guests for that reason. Tables were still set up the way we planned etc. 

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