Post # 16
I would just ask your caterer if they can accommodate them all. It doesn’t seem worth starting a feud if you can avoid it, and I think your Fiance basically brought this on himself by refusing to take the RSVP in person.
Post # 17
Ugh. At this point I would also ask the caterer first. It’s just not worth the stress or continued drama for you if it’s something that they can add on (though I know the money aspect can be frustrating).
Not sure what to say otherwise. Sorry 🙁 weddings really seem to highlight some of people’s best or worst traits.
Post # 18
News flash– all those Yes’s on the RSVP’S? 10-15% will be no-shows so this rude guy and his brood will have seats and all the food they can stand.
–//–So she DID RSVP but your Fiance refused to just take the envelope. Or he may have taken the envelope and forgotten all about it.
To tell this lady there wouldn’t be enough food for him and he could maybe have a snack and dessert was a little ridiculous, and her being unreasonable, of course this comment made her crazed!
Reaching out by texting obviously is no way to “reach out.” Next time pick up the phone and call her! She feels she DID RSVP and she didn’t need to stop and start answering your repeated texts asking her about it.
Call her and say you spoke to the caterer and he reassured you there was plenty for one and all and you had no idea. You will love to see the whole family there! Be gracious even when people are idiots!
Post # 19
So the son is 24 years old…can you just contact him directly and explain that he’s welcome but so sorry, can’t accommodate the last minute add of the gf? 24 years old is an adult…old enough hopefully to understand. That way you communicate directly to him that he’s welcome (if that’s what you want to do) without her drama in the middle.
Post # 20
Hmmm… My daughter invited 250 guests and 225 accepted. There was only 1 no-show; the guest’s father fell very ill, on another continent, and she had to fly-out that day.
Had they had additional guests RSVP late (they requested online responses – all but 1 couple responded, 10 days before the due date), the venue could have accomdated them with food, but they wouldn’t have had a tablecloth, chair cover, or centerpiece.
Post # 21
palebluepetals : In general the guideline is that 10-15% will RSVP with regrets, not that 10-15% will no show after saying they will be there. I don’t know anyone who had no shows at that rate, though I’ve read one or two stories on here to that effect. I always find it hard to believe that anyone could be that awful and rude. When it does happen to that extreme, it seems like a shocking outlier.
Post # 22
Bee, I just wanted to chime in to say that I don’t think it’s ridiculous that your Fiance wouldn’t accept the RSVP by hand. I’m probably in the minority, but that is the whole reason RSVPs are sent out with return postage. Once you start letting people RSVP the way they want to, it gets incredibly hard to keep track. We had several people try to RSVP by text or fb (and sometimes not even directly to me, but to my mother…), and I thanked them, but asked that they also still send their RSVP back since I was using the RSVP cards to keep track of and form the table assignments.
Anyone trying to make you feel bad about the way you reached out to these folks to try to get a response is off base. It is the week before your wedding. It was kind of you to even try to attempt to contact people who can’t follow a simple instruction for an RSVP. Do what you can, but don’t stress yourself out.
Post # 23
If this is how you answered her, her applaud you for staying calm and straight forth. You are welcome to ask the caterer if they can make any changes but you are definitely not obligated too. Glad that her husband stood up for you!
Post # 24
Why are you communicating with this woman at all? Communicate directly with the 24 year old ADULT son. I’m willing to bet that he doesn’t care so much, it’s just his mother pushing on his behalf.
Post # 25
I want everyone to know that I’ve been reading all messages and taking them to heart. I soooo appreciate each and every one of you for taking your time to comment.
For those of you who are asking why I’m not communicating with the son instead of his mother; I reached out to him first and asked if he was planning on coming. We reached out to him a handful of different times, in fact. When he didn’t answer rather than assuming he didn’t want to come, as I probably should have, I asked his parents and his siblings if they knew whether he would be coming or not. The rest of his family was coming, so I didn’t want to leave him out. When I still didn’t get a firm answer either way I assumed he wasn’t going to come, which is kin of what started this fiasco.
I do have an update, though. I was able to call the caterer today. I didn’t call yesterday as expected because when we woke up and I went out to my car we discovered that a pellet gun had been shot through our car window..nothing was missing, no one was hurt, I assume it was a kid playing around because we live in a college community, and I was busy with Safelite all day. Anyway, I called the caterer and added him and his kids on, and for good measure I added a few more plates to our order in case we have some other stragglers. It’s kind of a pain in the rear to have to pay more this close to the wedding, but I’d rather my guests be able to eat and to have fun than have to worry about someone going hungry. So there’s that.
Post # 26
MsSparrow : You might want to ask your caterer more specifically whether you can add last minute rather than guaranteeing ahead of time. That way you won’t be out any money. Some caterers will tell you to intentionally undercount by a few guests for that reason. Tables were still set up the way we planned etc.
Post # 27
Hey guys! Can’t believe I’ve been married almost a month. I just wanted to give an update. The caterer laughed when I talked to him and said this kind of stuff happens all the time. He said we could add the son and his kids. The day rolled around, and they didn’t end up coming because the mom backed out of watching the kids. Yes, you read that right – he ended up not wanting to come because he had the kids, even though we paid for their meals as well. Anyway, there was tons of food left over (they told me they always bring way more than needed just in case more people showed up) and I want to say other than them 2 people who said they would come ended up not being able to for personal reasons. I didn’t let it ruin my day, and it was amazing!!!