(Closed) I need to get over this like NOW!!!

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
774 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think you need to ask yourself “How would I feel if my Boyfriend or Best Friend was having the exact same feelings I am?” But towards one of his lady friends.

Post # 4
Member
883 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@Ashley_B:  I second that! : )

Do you think you might want something different? 

Is the other guy absolutley perfect or just hawt?

Or is he just like a guy that is like a girlfriend to you?

My main thing is if you aren’t so sure who you wanna be happy with the rest of your life, than maybe give it a second look?

No pun intended, because I AM SURE THAT YOU ABSOLUTELY LOVE YOUR FIANCE! : )

 

Post # 5
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

@Ashley_B: I totally agree. I have a feeling that the OP wouldn’t be so happy if she knew her SO had these type of feelings towards someone other than her.

@ay-yiyi:  You need to distance yourself from this guy if you can’t keep your feelings under control. 

Post # 6
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

It’s pretty normal to have a crush, especially when you’ve been in a long term distance.

It is not normal to feel like you love the person. Lust is one thing. Love is a whole ‘nother story.

Post # 9
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

@ay-yiyi:  The fastest way to lose both your SO and your friend is to tell this friend about your feelings. Do not do it. 

Post # 12
Member
1371 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@ay-yiyi:  What I found, in my personal situation, is that when I am not fulfilled with my Fiance, other attention is desired.  Fiance works a lot, and when we first moved to a new city, I was very neglected, when I need him the most.  SO I started flirting wiht a cutie in my new job.  It escalated, got more and more blatant.  He told me things I wanted Fiance 9then BF) to tell me, and insinuated things that I wanted BF/FI to feel for me.  It was an ugly, unhappy place.  But my feelings for the other man were just deperation to get the attention from my Fiance, a need that wasn’t being fulfilled.  And though I tried to talk to Fiance about it, he was too busy to  listen.

It sounds like this friend is someone you genuinely like and respect, and he is fulfilling a need in you that is maybe not being fulfilled at home, be it comfort, support, or even just his time and availablilty.  And while you feel like it’s a genuine emotion, chances are you are projecting what you want form your Fiance onto this surrogate man, combining them into the perfect fulfilment package.

Now, if those feelings are REALLY strong, then you need to decide whats more important…the unknown maybe with the friend, or the certainty of your Fiance.  Don’t mess them both around.  If you have legit doubts, take a step back, gain some space and use the time to decide what you really like in both.  I think maybe taking a breather from your “friend” might be a good idea also, put some space in there.  It is natural that someone you are with/in contact with very closely will develop into something more.  That’s why so many office romances start for people like lawyers and such who work ridiculous hours with each other and not spend as much time with their spouses/loved ones.

Post # 13
Member
1110 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I was talking about someone in a similar situation recently and my friend gave her great advice. She said “I feel like it’s like a little kid in a store, then they realize it’s time to leave and they suddenly start grabbing things off the shelves and try and get their parents to buy it for them just to stall.”

You’re committing to someone and you friend sees this, he’s suddenly seeing you as an option because you’re soon to be off the market, and he doesn’t want to miss his shot. The thing is you guys didn’t have anything significant enough to make a lasting romantic relationship, and that hasn’t changed. You guys also may be getting closer because you’re holding on to your friendship due to subconscious worry that you’re relationship will change once you’re engaged. I’d say take a couple weeks to not hang out with this guy and remember why you love SO, then slowly start hanging back out with your friend when you realize it’s nothing. Just be careful, you don’t want to lose your man over this.

Post # 16
Member
1371 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@ay-yiyi:  I hear ya honey!  But honestly, I think there are multiple issues at play here. 

I don’t think any relationship will give you everything you want, I think that’s natural.  But thats part of being an adult is recognizing your needs, and a good avenue of communication will allow you and your partner to work through it together.  Life is all about compromise, and in a marriage, without it, you WILL never be satisfied. 

This could also be cold feet talking…I know I have days of aprehension thinking that this is IT.  I look up ex’s, reminisce on past relationships, see an friend in a new light, whatever.  I think that’s ok, and natural.  Mariiage is a big commitment (or should be) and I think it’s healthy to have thsoe thoughts, without action.  I hope you resolve your emotions and find peace.  Just remember to handle both your Fiance and your friend gently, their emotions are as viable as yours.

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