(Closed) I need to know I am not a bad person…

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
3848 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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toodles2018:   You and your SO seem to have a strong, solid relationship, and I admire so very much your own desire to be a strong woman and a good example.   Family can be the people we choose – most of my “family” are chosen, not blood related.   Maybe your sister can benefit from your example, maybe not…  In any case, follow your own star in life.  

Post # 3
Member
10286 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

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toodles2018:  she sounds really toxic, and not because of her profession. 

Post # 4
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

wow, you have every right to cut her out completely. It sounds like she may not have had a very good role model growing up and needs to have someone to guide her through a more appropriate lifestyle. Only you can decide if you want to rebuild you relationship wiht her and have some ground rules.

Post # 5
Member
975 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I’d cut her the ef out of my life so fast her head would spin. No no no. 

Post # 6
Member
1617 posts
Bumble bee

Just because you share a little blood doesn’t mean you need to or should let this toxic person into your lives. Toxic is toxic….family or not.

Post # 7
Member
9758 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Your sister is a hooker trying to bang your FH. Nope, wouldn’t feel guilty cutting her out of your life.

Post # 8
Member
8674 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

her career choice is her own business.

everything else is toxic garbage and not worth putting up with.

Post # 9
Member
174 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

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toodles2018:  CUT HER OFF right now! just because she is related, it does not mean that she is “supposed” to be in her life. Your poor SO was probably so freaked out! glad he came clean, I know he was just trying to prevent your anger but honestly it would have been better if he mentioned it earlier. But all and all you and your SO have a wonderful relationship and she is very jealous of that. 

 

Keep your head up, your a good person that deserves good people in her life. 

Post # 10
Member
2543 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Ummm am I the only one who would be more worried about my sister prostituting herself?

 

(I’d also think that if my DH paid for sex – something the rest of us get for free – he’d be plain stupid and why the f did I marry stupid?)

Post # 11
Member
4231 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Yeahhhhh no. Walk away from that disaster and never look back. Block, lock, delete.

Post # 12
Member
174 posts
Blushing bee

What she does with her life is her business, it’s not your place to determine she’s disrespecting “sisterhood” and women’s rights. She obviously had a different upbringing than you anyway.

If your Fiance is uncomfortable with her, he can block her number/email/etc. If you don’t want to talk to her, don’t. She can do what she wants on her own time, but if it’s making you/FI unhappy, then she’s not a person to continue to interact with.

Post # 13
Member
660 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: Saint Domingue

I feel bad for your sister.  I honestly do, because it has to take some form of desperation to make a woman decide to take up the world’s oldest profession.  I’m not sure what her having a pimp or not matters.  She’s a prostitutue no matter whether she gives someone a cut or is a sole proprietor.  She’s putting her life in danger every time she meets up with a john.  Prostitutes aren’t exactly treated well by their customers and then there are the health risks as well.  

Everyone can make snap judgments, but no one knows what the heck is going on and, probably, more precisely, what the heck has happened, that has driven OP’s sister to prostitution.  From what OP says, her sister seems to have some disordered personality traits going on here, which wouldn’t be surprising at all if she had a chaotic upbringing.

All that being said, none of this makes any of this easier for you to deal with, OP, and  no one can tell you how to feel about this revelation about your sister or what action to take with regard to your relationship with her.  

Here’s the deal, though: she IS an adult and, as far as you know no one is forcing her to do this against her will, right? That being said, maybe you want to think about why you’re so angry with your sister.  I feel like, and this is just my read on your post so keep in mind it doesn’t mean it’s real or it’s even how anyone else will feel, you are primarily angry with your sister for her occupation and secondarily angry with her over her definite boundary issues with your SO.  

I just felt like it seemed you were willing to put up with a lot of awful crap (as opposed to the good kind 😊) from her with the idea that “Yeah, she does some crappy stuff, but she’s my sister and I’m a very kind person so I’m going to put up with said crappy stuff,” but when you found out about the prostitution that’s where you drew the line and couldn’t take it any more.  (Looking back, the timeline isn’t exactly clear as to when you learned about the odd comments about shaving, etc.)

But it sounds like this isn’t a person you by any means have a lifetime of memories built up with and, you know what, even if you did, there are people who it serves us and the ones we live best to just move on from.  

I come from a step-family and am raising half-siblings and my fiancé has raised my youngest son since he was so young he can’t remember life without him, though, so I’m a tad partial to the who-the-hell-cares-who-shares-your-DNA theory of family.  DNA does not a family make.  Love maketh a family.  

If you love your sister enough to forgive her and to continue to want her in your life after you’ve had a chance to cool off then do it, but only you can make that choice and no one can make you feel like a “bad person” about whatever decision you come to but yourself.  Don’t torment yourself over this.  

Hopefully, life is a long journey for you both.  You may decide to take a good, long break from her now and there may very well be a time when a relationship between the two of you makes more sense, perhaps years down the road when she’s had time to work through some things.  

You take care of yourself in the meantime.  I’m so sorry you’ve had to be on the receiving end of such a rotten hand of cards.  The thing with cards, though, is, there is always another hand to be dealt.  

Post # 14
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016 - Sassafraz in Toronto, Ontario

You can be a well adjusted sex worker, but it doesn’t sound like your sister is one.

Is there someone close to her that you could alert to her alarming behavior? You don’t need to mention her work, but it seems like she has major boundary/validation issues that are coming from a place of immense hurt/possible substance abuse. Not trying to diagnose, but just speaking from what I have seen in my own life. 

She’s not your responsability and you don’t owe her anything, but maybe if you are feeling bad something like asking a closer relative to keep an eye on her might make you feel more at ease with your choices. 

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