(Closed) I need to know the WHY!

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 18
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2015

I totally feel your pain. I am going through a relatively similar thing with my boyfriend just now – we bought the ring together and I’ve been waiting for 5 months for him to pop the question.

 

After speaking to the girls on here about it, I asked him why he was waiting the other night. He told me it’s because he has a plan of when and where, and now he has that plan in his head – he wants to stick to it. Yesterday, we spoke about it again and I asked him for a timeframe. He said it’ll happen within 8-9 months. That has satisfied me for a little while, and it’s reduced my ‘crazy’ brain.

 

It sounds like you need to have the talk too, both for your sanity and your relationship. Trust me, it has made me feel so much better.

Good luck and big hugs xxx

 

Post # 19
Member
523 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@Countant819:  Thanks for the extra info.  I can understand completely why you’re frustrated.  I would be sooo pissed if my Fiance did something like that to me.  

I hope, though, that you’re able to tell him you feel angry b/c there hasn’t been a proposal and that you want to know what the plan is.  It does sound like maybe he’s overthinking the proposal a bit.  Or maybe he’s just getting cold feet.  Either way, I hope you talk to him about it soon so you can figure out where his head is at.  Good luck.

Post # 20
Member
27 posts
Newbee

@Countant819:  I have NO IDEA why men do stupid things.  We looked in October – we paid in April – HE PICKED UP ON MY BDAY in May, 2013!!!! and has yet to formally ask me. What is the deal? I told him it was a cruel joke.  You dont buy a $20,000 car for someone and leave it in the driveway while you have control of the keys..thats just wrong. LOL I know it’s there…he knows it’s there so what the heck. I don’t know anymore.  Just know that there is always someone else out there that has been waiting longer than you, or me! I don’t mention it much anymore, but it is def becoming more frustrating to handle my emotions. Grrr…only thing I can say is go about your life and act like you don’t care 🙂 he will come around.

Post # 21
Member
27 posts
Newbee

@Redapple89:  how long have you been with your SO?  My SO has had my ring for almost 5 months as well – but we have been together for 10 years!!

Post # 22
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2015

@jtk717 we’ve been together for 4 and a half years. 10 years! Congratulations, and i hope he gets his skates on!! 🙂

Post # 23
Member
865 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@Countant819:  I completely understand what you’re feeling… I recently had a talk with my SO about how waiting makes me feel like he’s unsure of the decision. He said it’s not it, and revealed that a lot of why we were still waiting was because he’d been dragging his feet on having uncomfortable conversations- one with my dad to tell him his intentions, and another with his mom to ask for a family ring (for god’s sake he already told her he wants us to get married and she was excited; couldn’t he have asked then!?) I started crying and he didn’t understand why; to me, it sounded like he was saying it wasn’t worth the awkwardness and anxiety to be engaged to me. I guess what I’m trying to say is that men just see it differently; it’s not as big a deal to them, it’ll happen when it happens, and they’re ok just letting it run its course, whereas we’d like to see them be very proactive about setting the plans into motion. Talk to him, and maybe he’ll understand how important this is to you!

Post # 24
Member
1768 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 1997

@Countant819:  why are you waiting? You have a child inwho is already from a broken home that is invested in him.. I would simply ask him when he would like to get married and start planning.

After 3 years and your ages hon,  if he is not willing to set a relative soon date to make you his wife, I would stop acting like one.  If he won’t marry you, you need to cut your losses.. His talk is cheap, his actions are telling you he is complacent with you as his live in friend. That’s not the best example for your child. If u end up having to move on, I would learn and not move my child in  unless it is clear there will be permanence.

Good luck. Hope it works out.

 

Post # 26
Member
3208 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@Countant819:  I think your conversation needs to be less about “when are you proposing?” and more about “When are we getting married?” If you moved yourself and your daughter in with him, you’ve dramatically changed your lives in hope of something that may not happen. I know it’s nice to think about your dream proposal and whatnot, but since you have a daughter to think about, I don’t think the issue is really the ring or the engagement. 

I would honestly sit him down like two adults and rationally discuss your future. If there is marriage in that future, you need to set a date. Then work backwards from that date (ie – December 2014) so he knows he does need to propose before that. And heck – what’s the big deal about the proposal anyway? You could mutually decide to get married and tada! You’re engaged. 

Post # 27
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

Any update from the op?

The topic ‘I need to know the WHY!’ is closed to new replies.

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