- 1 year ago
Super long so please bear with me….
I’m getting married in a month and I’ve been having so much drama this week with one of my bridesmaids. I will be getting married on the other side of the country, and most of my wedding party will have to fly there and stay for a few days. For the most part, almost everyone in my bridal party has been pretty excited. However, I have this one bridesmaid, we’ll call her Lori, who has been making things very stressful for me.
I hang out quite frequently together with Lori, and my Maid/Matron of Honor, whom we’ll call Dana. Dana and I have been best friends since we were in middle school, and we met Lori a few years ago when we were both in college. For my bridal party, I have my Maid/Matron of Honor and 5 bridesmaids. Back in September, Dana and Lori were talking about my Bachelorette party plans, and Lori insisted that we all fly to New Orleans for a long weekend. It wasn’t exactly what I had expected, but they both seemed super excited about it so I agreed. Some bridesmaids were able to go, and a few others weren’t. No big deal, as it definitely wasn’t mandatory. We all agreed that the bridesmaids would share the cost of accommodation and tickets to events, and I would cover my flight, and my own meals and drinks.
Fast forward to 6 months ago when Dana wanted to talk to me and said that Lori was very concerned about her budget situation and that going to New Orleans, plus my destination wedding might be too much of a burden for her financially. Initially, I was concerned, but I was also a bit confused on why Lori had insisted a destination bachelorette party if finances might be tight. A few days later, Lori messaged me and said “Hey I just booked a trip with my friend a week before your wedding, and I’ll wait for a standby flight while I’m there to fly to your wedding.” I actually posted about this when it happened.
I was pretty mad because it seemed like she didn’t really care about attending my wedding at all, plus she complained to my Maid/Matron of Honor about financial burden and then planned a whole other trip right before my wedding. I thought about asking her if she wanted an out. At that point, I didn’t care if she was in my bridal party anymore because I felt very disappointed. I talked to Dana about it, and she tried to mediate because the three of us see each other quite a bit and asking her to step down as a bridesmaid might change things in our friendship circle. She told me to give it some time and that she will talk to Lori and see what’s going on. She talked to Lori about it, and I guess she somehow got Lori to confirm a flight to my wedding.
And then we get to this week….sigh…
Dana rented a cottage to share with all the other bridesmaids, their +1s, and Lori (who is single and not bringing a plus one). I wasn’t there when this conversation happened, but Dana told me that she asked Lori if it’s ok that she sleeps on the pull-out bed in the living room (since that bed is smaller), and have each couple get their own room with a bigger bed. She threw a fit and complained about back issues. Dana then offered to have Lori share a room with her, and that Dana will get her boyfriend to sleep by himself on the pull-out couch.
And then a few days ago, Lori asked me to meet her for lunch. She kept complaining about not wanting to sleep on the pull-out because it’s bad for her back. I told her that I thought Dana had already offered to share the room with her, and that she’ll have her own boyfriend sleep on the pull-out. Lori then complained about not wanting to stay in the same house with a bunch of couples. That’s when I got super irritated. It’s only for 3 nights! Why is this such a big deal?? Also, Dana tried to be cautious of everyone’s budget and this was the most affordable option she could find.
I messaged Dana and our conversation went like this
Me: I just had lunch with Lori and she complained that sleeping on a pull-out is bad for her back. I’m not sure what to do?
Dana: What, seriously? Why is she getting on to you about this? I already offered to let her sleep in my room and have Eric sleep on the pull-out
Me: Yeah that’s what I thought…and then she started complaining about not wanting to stay in a house with a bunch of couples
Dana: Uhhh, well I don’t know what to about that. What does she want then? For all the guys to sleep outside?
In the end Dana offered to give the entire bedroom to Lori, and that she and Eric will take the pull-out together. I thought the whole thing was ridiculous.
And then later that day, Lori messaged me and, I kid you not, said “your wedding expenses has been a huge burden on all of us, and feel free to turn down this idea if you already got everyone’s gifts. I know you said you were going shopping for gifts for the bridal party. I’m super embarrassed to bring this up but could you please give what you were planning on getting for me, and give it to me in the form of money instead?”
First of all, who does she think she is to say “all of us”? She barely knows my other bridesmaids aside from Dana. I understand that money can get tight and it’s expensive to be part of a wedding party, so I agreed to give her cash instead of what I was going to spend on her gift. But what I don’t understand is why she insisted on New Orleans, when the cost of that whole trip is way more than what I had asked each bridesmaid to spend. I appreciate what she and Dana have done for me, but I would have rather done something simple for my bachelorette if it meant less financial burden.
I’m very irritated with her right now and heavily contemplating cutting ties with her after my wedding is over. I thought about just paying her back for her dress and airfare and asking her not to come, but it might seem like I’m overreacting? Plus she doesn’t know my other bridesmaids and I would prefer to not air any drama. She keeps complaining to me about having no money, but somehow has money to book another vacation just before my wedding time, and even bought a new car…..which is fine, she has the right to spend her money however she wants, but why continuously make me feel like my wedding has been a financial burden on her? And why bring it all up now, when I am more stressed out than ever about my wedding plans? For now, I feel like there’s not much that I can do. She’s already booked her flight and she has her dress. I’m getting married in a month and I hate that I’m feeling angry about this, when I have other wedding details to worry about.