(Closed) I need to suck it up….

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
10366 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

There is a way to get what you want. It’s called “not having a bridal party”. Makes like MUCH easier :-).

Post # 4
4824 posts
Honey bee

Be sure to tell her how much money you expect it to cost her and let her know that if she cant afford it you you “completely understand”.

Post # 5
569 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Can’t you nicely tell her that you’d be honored if she’d be a bridesmaid, but if she doesn’t want to or it’s just not her thing, then there would absolutely be no hard feelings? You might add that you want her to be comfortable and have fun at your wedding, so the choice is hers. Fiance and I are planning on giving my younger brother the option of being an usher or just being a guest. He hates dressing up (so I’m thinking a tux may not be to his liking), and honestly, I don’t want to force him to participate in wedding stuff if he’d rather just hang back with the guests, drink some beer, and not have any responsibilities. I know he’ll appreciate being given the choice.

Post # 7
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

How about putting her in a black dress and making her a “Groomswoman” then she won’t have to participate in all of your stuff and then she could choose the price of the dress. It could also help to even out your sides.

Post # 8
1569 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

I’m a little confused by what the problem is. You’d prefer not to have her as a bridesmaid because she’s shy and you don’t have much in common with her? I think you’re right, you need to suck it up and ask her graciously and enthusiastically. It could mean a lot to her. It could mean a lot to your Future In-Laws, too. Sounds like the worst thing that could happen is she doesn’t participate much in conversation during the girls-only events and getting ready on the day of the wedding. Best case scenario, you could get to know her better, she comes out of her shell, and you find you have a new friend in your new family, and she might be really honored to be included. No waffling on this one, I say just do it.

[ETA] Yikes, I would stay away from all the ideas about dropping hints that she doesn’t have to do it if she doesn’t want to, or she really ought to be aware of how expensive it is, etc. That sounds really passive-aggressive and I could see it coming off as hurtful to her if she feels like you don’t want her in the bridal party because she isn’t talkative enough.

Post # 11
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Couldnt she be the guest book guardian instead? If she is shy it gives her something to do.

Post # 12
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think that if you don’t want her in the wedding than don’t ask her!  I know that I personally wouldn’t want to be a bridesmaid if the bride asked me out of a sense of obligation.  I wasn’t in my oldest brother’s wedding and that was fine by me – all I wanted was to be present at the ceremony and reception. 

 I don’t know if there have been other threads made about this topic….is it important to your Fiance that she be in the wedding?

Post # 13
489 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I really like it when a sibling is on their brother or sisters side.  Granted, I’m not doing that- but then I was friends with my FI’s sister before I even met him.  If she’s comfortable with that (which she might not be if she’s shy) I’d say go for it and ignore all the old school people.  Maybe give her a choice-  she can stand on your side or her brothers, whichever she feels comfortable with.  The key is to make sure she feels like she’s being welcomed into the wedding party.  Good luck!

Post # 15
233 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

 Why don’t you have your Fiance ask her? Or the two of you together? So that way she’s doing it for her brother, not so much for you (although she’ll be a bridesmaid)? My sister was in a wedding as a “groomswoman” although she did everything the bridesaids did.

Post # 16
1927 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Keep us posted on what you end up doing. I am actually in the same situation as you, I don’t feel close at all to FI’s sister. I would much rather have a small bridal party of 3 girls 3 guys and 1 junior bridesmaid.

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