(Closed) I need to vent!

posted 2 years ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 16
Member
649 posts
Busy bee

livelaughlove4ever :  You do realize there’s an issue with gang violence in Jamaica right now?  As in they declared a state of emergency?  Regardless of anyone’s finances the fact you picked a crime ridden country is going to deter many people.  

 

Post # 17
Member
1130 posts
Bumble bee

livelaughlove4ever :  having a destination wedding means asking people to spend a whole lot of money and take time off from work to go somewhere they never wanted to go in the first place. Most people only take one trip per year so you’re asking people to go to the place of your choosing for their annual vacation. That’s fine. But it’s also fine for them to choose to vacation elsewhere. 

Post # 20
Member
8861 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

livelaughlove4ever :  “You just have to travel smart.” — Yeah, because violence never spreads. Again, you’re projecting and trying to make yourself feel better about this decision by blaming others. People who don’t want to come to the wedding aren’t honest and people affected by gang violence aren’t smart. I recommend some introspection, bee.

Post # 21
Member
408 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

 

livelaughlove4ever :  I wouldn’t be afraid to travel to Jamaica. I’ve been there before and it’s a beautiful country. Yes there is crime, but not the entire country. Every country has trouble spots! I live in NYC which also has crime, gangs, trouble spots, and is always a possible hit for terrorism but yet people travel to NYC every single damn day and they love it! 

I’m also having a destination wedding and the fact is not everyone will come and that is what you have to accept when you choose to have your wedding in another country. Stop stressing, because it is what it is. Those that want to be there and can be there, will be there.

Post # 23
Member
589 posts
Busy bee

Mine is kind of a Destination Wedding…kind of not…..I am British and marrying my Spanish SO in Spain where we live, so for the brits this will be a Destination Wedding for them. 

I am inviting everyone I would like to be there, but I am definitely expecting a lot of ‘no’s, especially from aunts, cousins, grandparents….I am thinking of maybe doing something in the UK afterwards to celebrate with those who can’t come. My wedding won’t cost too much (you easily fly to Spain for a weekend – and I have chosen a bank holiday weekend for that reason) – but it is still a cost and I am aware of that. My side of the guests will need to pay for flights, rent cars to get there and book hotels. That is a HUGE ask and to be honest I will be completely flattered if anyone from my side turns up at all. People don’t even need to give me an excuse, I get it….it’s expensive. I am really sorry but I am stuck between a rock and a hard place because of our nationalities. No matter where we choose, at least half the guests have to travel. 

Don’t be so hard on your friends and family. It doesn’t mean they think any less of you. Maybe do a local smaller get-to-together afterwards 🙂 

Post # 24
Member
7 posts
Newbee

In my opinion DWs are a pain in the behind for anyone who isn’t the bride or groom! They can be expensive, requiring holiday time from work and may be the only vacation that people take that year. I would rather choose my own holiday. I’m sorry you are upset but the only important attendees at your Destination Wedding is you and your future husband. 

Post # 25
Member
5708 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

It feels like there is a post every day now with some bride bitching about other people not wanting to fork out their hard earned money to make the bride’s dream Destination Wedding wedding a reality.  

They are not giving you BS excuses, they are trying to be polite.  Something you are not doing when you try to pry into their financial situations. 

I don’t know, it just bothers me that she rather go on a cruise this year instead of attending her nieces wedding in Jamaica. 

I actually find this so strange. I would not want my aunt to sacrifice her yearly vacation for MY wedding. 

Also, my friend recently told me that they could not afford to go to our wedding because she recently got laid off from her job, which I totally understand!  Then they post on social media that her and her husband are going to Florida.  Is it me?  Why can’t people just be honest about why they can’t or don’t want come to the wedding?  

Again, where is the BS excuse? She literally told you she couldn’t afford the trip to Jamaica and you still aren’t accepting that as valid. 

People like you are the reason Destination Wedding weddings have a bad reputation. 

Post # 26
Member
270 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Honestly, I was considering a Destination Wedding for myself. My hubby and I are both from the States (Louisiana) and the military sent us to Europe a few months ago. I thought the idea of having a wedding in Europe, especially in front of a lovely castle, sounded like a grand idea. However, I realized even from the inception of that idea, that a lot of people couldn’t go. But I could see what a beautiful day that would be. However, even my own sister wouldn’t be able to because she has small children and it would be a huge expense. Our families are kind of spread out, so I was already concerned about people being able to come from out of state to attend. We are getting married in our home state because I decided I would rather be surrounded by the people we love, than to have a fancy castle wedding no one can attend. The thing is, when you have a Destination Wedding, you have to go in it understanding that not everyone will be able or willing to make the sacrifices to go. It IS a big deal to ask people to use what may be their only vacation time or spare money to go to your wedding. People work hard for their money, and sometimes have to earn their days off or go without pay. It’s not reasonable to expect them to sacrifice that for a wedding, which is normally only a 3-5 hour event. Also, going to Jamaica is arguably more expensive than a trip to Florida. Even so, they may not want to spend their only vacation budget on a Destination Wedding. But that’s the sacrifice YOU make by choosing to have a Destination Wedding. You have to realize that not everyone will participate, and you have to be okay with that. I don’t really think there’s an invalid reason for them not to attend, and honestly, all they really owe you (if anything) is telling you whether or not they intend to go. They really don’t owe you an explanation beyond yes or no. 

Post # 27
Member
1292 posts
Bumble bee

I’m just gonna comment on the excuses part. People don’t tell the truth because they want to be polite and it sounds rude to say “i don’t want to” also it is for many people embarrassing to say “we don’t have the money”. Giving BS in these instances is the right thing to do.

Post # 28
Member
1684 posts
Bumble bee

She is retired, but she retired younger than most because she is financially stable, so it is not like money is an issue. 

First, it is incredibly entitled to assume that you can dictate or suggest or be mad about how other people should spend their money.

Second, do you know why your aunt is financially stable? Maybe for the same reason I will be: Because I saved and planned during my life. I choose how and when to spend my money. That does not include spending $1,500 or $3,000 to travel for someone’s “dream wedding”. It does include vacations of my choice at the time I choose to take them.

Post # 29
Member
718 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

When you have a destination wedding you forfeit the right to be upset if people cannot/do not want to come. Other people’s finances are really none of your business – and neither is how they spend their vacation time. I understand that you want all of your friends and family to make it, but unless you’re willing to fork out the cost of the trip for everyone that isn’t going to happen. You really need to lower your expectations. 

I should mention that I’m also getting married in Jamaica next year but I went into it with the mindset that it could very well just be my fiancé and I. Our save the dates just went out but I certainly won’t be upset with anyone who chooses not to come. 

Post # 30
Member
646 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

zzar45 :  yeah… I have just about had it with entitled brides (and grooms) who want to gobble up the money and vacation time of their so-called loved ones. We’re being forced to go to one this year which is going to spend a huge chunk of our honeymoon budget. We tried to at least salvage our honeymoon by asking if the resort had cheaper 3 day packages. We got a nasty voicemail asking “what our problem is” and then were told that we should take it as an opportunity to honeymoon at their Destination Wedding… Because that’s my dreams, having all of my husband’s relatives on our honeymoon. LOL! Also, when did it become customary to ask for gifts? Future Sister-In-Law was asking me where she should register and I told her that she doesn’t because they have a Destination Wedding and people are already spending enough. But then she clarified that her “friend” suggested a registration for the people who can’t make it! WTF, they’re penalising people via Pottery Barn for not going to their DW! I give up. I’ve seen it all. Darling Husband told me that all they are getting from us is a card. I don’t even want to give them a Post-it Note after the position they put us in. 

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