Post # 1
Ok I really need to let off some steam here about this situation. Little backround, all my life my dad has never really done anything for me. He never bought clothes, never gave me money when i hung out with friends, never even volunteered to pick me up from practices etc. however he has been in my life the whole time. My mom has remarried and my step father is complete opposite. Willing to help no matter what, has given me 2 cars when I was in college (had horrible luck with cars back in the day) and even helped out in a rough spot when Fiance lost his job.
Unfortunately to avoid any drama that my real dad would bring (and he would bring it) my mom and I have determined it’d be best that my real dad walks me down the aisle and participates in all the father traditional role. My Fiance is upset because he doesn’t like my real dad and my real dad probably doesn’t like Fiance but we wouldn’t know as they’ve probably said 2 words to each other the whole 4 years we’ve been together. Also no one NOT ONE person from my dads side is invited as they “disowned me” (publicly when i was in 8th grade most humilitating thing I’ve ever been through) for some juvenile trouble I got in back in the day.
Anywas the issue, my dad has not contributed at all to my wedding. I told him in July 2012 that I was getting married, he said “he’d get his stuff together and call back” he never called back. So finally I called him last night to tell him I set up an account for the tuxes all he has to do is go get fitted and pay for his. He threw a FIT that hehad to pay to rent a tux, wear a tux and dress shoes He even said he’s going to wear sneakers because he hates dress shoes. When I saidthat all I want for him is to wear the nice tux I picked out so he doesnt stand out and looks nice he told me I’m being superficial and must be my mothers idea.
I’m just so upset, like I’m his ONLY daughter and he can’t even be excited to wear a tux and walk me down the aisle!!?
oh and when I told my step dad about the tux he was excited and said ‘anything you want it’s your day’
Post # 3
This should not come as a surprise to you…. you clearly haven’t had a close relationship to your biological father for your entire life. When it comes down to you choosing who you want to walk you down the isle, that is up to you and only you IMO, your mom shouldn’t really have a say.
The only reason you are having him walk you down the isle is to avoid him causing any trouble… that doesn’t sound right, but it is what it is I guess. I think deep down you would probably be happier walking down with your step father because you clearly see him as a true father figure. I know of many people who have mad much better relationships with their step parent than their actual parent.
I’d pick step dad, if biological dad really cared he wouldn’t b**** about renting a tux for his daughters wedding.
Post # 4
In understand that you and your mother want to avoid drama by placating your father by having him walk you down the aisle, etc.
But sometimes what seems to be the easiest option maybe isn’t the best option.
Your step-dad has done a lot for you and it really speaks to his character that he would do all of these things for you and yet still understand why you would choose your bio-“dad” to walk to down the aisle. Personally, I would choose step-dad if I were you.
My Fiance cut his parents out of his life. We’re gradually trying to get his mom back into our lives (she’s unfortunately just a battered woman), but we have no interest in having his dad or sister back. It would have been easiest to keep a relationship with them despite the drama and dysfunction because there wouldn’t be drama. However, it wasn’t healthy for us and after a lifetime of pleasing others we realized that you have to think of yourself. And your wedding day is maybe the one time you are really allowed to put yourself first and its okay!
So, I understand wanting to avoid drama. But it is YOUR wedding (and I’m sure if you haven’t already, you’ll hear that a lot) and its the beginning of your new life with your Fiance. Take care of yourself and do what is right for you – not just what will make somebody else happ.y.
Post # 5
Maybe I’m secretly a bitter person inside, but I would just say “Wear what you want, but then you’re just a guest and step dad is walking me down the aisle. He’s earned it anyway.” But that’s just me.