- 6 years ago
- Wedding: October 2013
Ugh this is just driving me crazy and I have to get it out. A dear friend of mine, one of my bridesmaids, has been dating this man for a few months. It is easy to tell that they are very different types of people. She is college educated, loves fashion, loves dogs, love indie music, works full time, wants to go to the big city eventually, etc.
He is a small town guy who, with little to no motivation to do apparently anything. He sits around their apartment, sometimes takes work with his family if it comes up (even though he has useful skills, he does not seek work out), but largely he just lounges on their couch.
She’s told me that he’s insisted she write down all the passwords for her social media so he has complete access to them. He calls to check in on her frequently. He treats the car that she purchased with her own money, while she was a student on a very limited budget, as his own, demanding that she leave it for him while she goes to work so he can get around and refers to it as ‘their car’. She always corrects him when he does this, but he just laughs at her. He has no car of his own.
Yesterday she texted me to hang out, and I told her to come on over. When they arrived, he was wearing a grease stained t-shirt and windbreaker pants. We (me, friend and my FI) all like to play games on the PS3 move and do some active things like that. He spent 3 hours laying down on our couch scratching at his exposed belly where his shirt was riding up.
She’s told me that she knows it’s doomed and would probably have left him already if her name wasn’t on the lease. When they started dating, she said it was exciting to find out about each other and how different they were.
UGH bees it just grates at me to see my beautiful, self-possessed, independent friend with this jag-hole slob. I know she plans to end it, but I can’t think why she would drag it on for that long – her lease won’t be up for months!
I don’t know what to do because she already knows I don’t like him. I tried VERY hard to be nice to him when we’d met previously, but you can’t hide some stuff from your very good friends – they know you too well.
It didn’t help that he spent the entire first time we hung out together condescendingly telling my Fiance that “you’ll understand what life is really like once you get older. you just don’t even know man, you’ll see.” He’s 4 years older than my Fiance, ten years older than me and her.
She brought it up in the context of ‘I know you have x, x, and x problems with [NAME], so don’t worry about pretending and don’t worry because I know and I don’t really like him anymore.’ Not her exact words, lol, but similar. Apparently though, she likes him enough to stay with him for months more? Once I know that a relationship is going to end, I can’t drag it out. How can you be with someone who you have so little respect for?
I’m just concerned because at least half the time I want to hang out with her now, he will be there and I am very bad at pretending I like him. I’m not rude or anything! I’m mature enough to be completely cordial to him, I just have to keep to strictly superficial conversations because I have no idea what to say. It’s very awkward being in a room with four people when you know that three of them really don’t welcome the fourth – and one of them is dating him!
And apparently this will continue til April when the lease is up.
Bees, I don’t like to be dishonest, but I don’t like to be rude. How am I supposed to treat this man? How am I supposed to react given that I know she doesn’t want to be with him but will put up with him for that long?
At least I can be confident he won’t be at our wedding…we’re going to be certain that when her STD goes out, it’s with a +1 and has no mention of his name. Invitations should go out late enough not to have to worry about it.