- Miss Luck of the Irish
- 5 years ago
- Wedding: October 2012
I am generally a pretty understanding person. I understand how I was raised is different from others. I whole heartedly accept all thoughts, behaviors, emotions, reactions, and comments with an open mind. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion of what can, should, would, won’t, might or might not happen.
But it’s difficult to step away from tradition. The infamous traditions involved with weddings is I’m speaking of. I am experiencing a form of neglect with the future in-laws, and it’s creating some tension, being myself and fiance v. the in-laws
My family is fronting the entire cost of the wedding. When originally asked if his parents would like to contribute any funding to the money, crickets were heard. They explained that as of late, there were financial issues, and that the only thing they would be able to provide was the church donation. And I openly accepted that. I understand that if money was tight, they should save their pennies. I also realized that they would be purchasing the dresses of the two younger daughters who were in the bridal party. So I completely understood that they to some extent were contributing in some way, shape, and form.
Since those comments were made, I have seen a trip to Mexico purchased, an above-ground pool put in, and countless bottles of Captain Morgans emptied. My fiance has been 100% independent of his family this past year, but allowed his parents to claim him, since they generally will give the kids their portion of taxes back. This has yet to happen, and word is, the family ‘might not be receiving anything back this year’….with three depedants, I didn’t think that would be possible. Plus, I found out that the daughters had to borrow money from boyfriends and other family to buy their dresses…had I known this, I would have fronted the cost. (One girl is in college for radiation therapy and can’t really work right now; the other just graduated, has no vehicle, nor way of even getting to a job if she got one).
To continue my b*tch fest, I began to self-realize all of the ways which his parents were ‘missing’.
The in-laws would not be supplying the traditional $ to cover the liquor, a rehearsal dinner would not be hosted in their name, nor will they (or continue) to have any interest in the current wedding plans. Don’t even ask about the bridal shower his mother offered to host – that quickly dissolved.
When my fiance’s mother asked about the church donation, Mike (hubby) responded that $500-600 at his church is generally the low-end. She at which gawked at the number, and stated that $200 would be enough. So, we will also be contributing monies to the church with whatever the in-laws donate.
Next up: our food tasting which is occurring this Sunday at our venue. We were allotted six people to attend the tasting at a total cost of $75. I was already aware that my family would be fronting the bill, but had told my fiance to invite his parents…to me, it felt like the right thing to do. Plus, his family had not had many opportunities to meet members of my own family, so I thought it would be a nice chance for the parents to gain some rapport. However, my fiance informed me that his parents would not be coming, as they had plans to clean the pool, of all things, at that exact time on Sunday.
I apologize for the rude/bridezilla infested-person I am about to unleash…
These are two people who drink every evening beginning at 8 p.m. and lasts until around 2-3 a.m. The general routine involves watching t.v. all night, passing out and sleeping until 2-3 in the afternoon! And trust me when I say that this is always the schedule. In four years of knowing my future parents, it’s been 95% consistent. Again, this is their lifestyle, so I have bit my tongue and swallowed numerous times.
I could go into many more specifics, but for the sake of this post, I will hold back. My frustrations lie with my future in’-laws in-ability to put anyone before their own selves, including their children. I have accepted the idea that they perhaps are not contributing anything to the wedding for the sake of myself. But for my fiance, their own child, who just graduated in Electrical Engineering with no help,…I guess I just thought for once they would change their ways.
How this family raised three amazing children surprises me every day.
I’m just beside myself. Has anyone else encountered in-laws who have decided they have no responsibilities for the wedding and if so, how have you coped?
For the record, I have a decent relationship with his parents…They have not seen any of my frustrations, and probably think there is nothing of conflict.
Thanks for letting me vent, hive. I will continue to use my deep-breathing techniques