(Closed) I need to vent… and I need some real advice.

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2512 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Honestly, I personally wouldn’t go.

I think that it is a bit of an insult for her to announce her wedding plans on facebook before telling her bridal party. How are you expected to make accomodations for her event if you arent even formally informed?

I would wait till she contacted you, then tell her that you just arent able to financially afford being her bridal party. Then wish her well and tell her you hope that as a friend she can understand. 

Post # 4
Member
31 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Just tell her that you can’t afford to go. She has changed her date so many times and now you just don’t have enough notice to save up with your wedding being so close. And tell her that you don’t expect her to come to yours either. She doesn’t seem like that great of a friend if she can only post about her wedding dates on facebook and not even tell you over the phone or email – especially since you are supposed to be a bridesmaid!

Post # 4
Member
796 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I definitely agree with tranquility. If she hasn’t announced it to you yet (and you’re supposed to be close friends), then you have no responsibility for knowing. That’s really insane of her to be announcing a wedding that people will have to travel across the country for in such a short time. Obviously you want to be there for her on her big day, but it shouldn’t have to cause you this much anxiety! That’s just not fair. I would definitely agree that it’s acceptable for you to tell her that it’s beyond your budget’s capability. 

Post # 5
Member
2981 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

If you don’t think you can financially swing all of the expenses of going across the country plus the expenses of your OWN wedding and your other best friend (who by the way sounds like she’s got her stuff together and is acting like a friend should!) then I’d just gently say to the other girl that you simply can’t afford it with the short notice. Most people send invitations- did she even bother to send them to her guests or is this a FB only invitation list? 

I would just send a nice heartfelt card stating how happy you are for her/wish her the best/regret not being able to make it, yadda yadda  and MAYBE a small gift. 

If I was in your position, I’d opt to not go. I hope all of our advice is helping! 

 

Post # 7
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

If she is your bridesmaid, I’d go. Even if you cant give her a big or monetary gift because of travel expenses, it’s better than picking one friend over another.

Honestly, I just think it would be lame not to go to a current bridesmaid’s wedding. She said she would do everything in her power to be at yours and afford the expenses. I would expect you to do the same for me.

Just honest opinion.

Post # 8
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Oh, but if she isn’t announcing her wedding and not inviting people formally or at least through evite, then screw it. Dont go.

Post # 9
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

A couple of things worry me about your post. First, I don’t get the impression you were too upset about her quick engagement before you got engaged and started planning your own wedding. Hopefully you aren’t trying to come up with reasons why her wedding is a sham just because it’s inconvenient for you to go. Also, you’ve known about her wedding for a while now and knew you’d have to pay for the flight, hotel, etc. So why does it matter when her wedding is? Even if she waited until after your wedding was over, you’d still have the same problems with setting that money aside. I thought you were going to say something like “She chose a date two weeks before mine!” But when you said 5 months I was kind of like “Well that’s not really too close..”

The guy from her past is a totally separate issue. If she’s a good friend, then you will be there for her during this difficult time and help her sort it out. To ban her wedding just because she’s having relationship issues is a little inconsiderate and judgy. This is the time when she probably needs you the most, and you can’t abandon her just because attending her wedding might take funds away from yours.

Post # 10
Member
562 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think 5 months is a ridiculously short period of time to expect someone to  have the funds to fly across country and stand in your wedding.  Especially if she’s emotionally cheating on her too be hubby.  Shame on her!

If it was a more reasonable date I’d say go but it’s not imo…

Post # 12
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

@frazzledbride:  That does clarify things! I think you should ask yourself, if you weren’t planning/paying for your wedding then would you go to hers. If the answer is yes then at least try to make it work – even if it means just you going. It’s still understandable if you can’t because of your own wedding expenses, I do think that’s a valid excuse at the end of the day, but if you can then try to take your wedding out of the equation when deciding to go.

Post # 13
Member
1252 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Well I see that I’m in the minority, but I don’t think 5 months is an unreasonable amount of time to schedule travel.  I do think it would have been more appropriate if she’d picked up the phone to call you before broadcasting it on FB, but that wouldn’t change the situation materially.

I guess to me it doesn’t really sound like she did anything wrong by choosing to have a shorter engagement.  The real issue is that you are having budget issues, and I don’t see how that issue would be any different if she had picked this date 6 months ago or if she had her wedding next March.  You most likely still wouldn’t have the money this June if she’d told you earlier, and you probably would still have an issue with next March considering its 5 months after your wedding and 2 months after your other friend’s wedding.  You’ve known about her engagement for some time, so I’m assuming you haven’t been splurging on unnecessary shopping trips that you would have otherwise saved for travel.  So I guess what I’m saying is you may be taking out your frustration with your financial situation on her, she has a right to get married when and where she pleases, and you have a right to tell her that you can not attend due to the cost.  That said, you did agree to be her bridesmaid and should not have done that if you didn’t think you’d be able to afford participating in her wedding, so you should make an attempt to go if she really is a good enough friend that you wanted her in your wedding.  I hope you can work it out.

Post # 15
Member
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I don’t understand how people write posts about their dear friends who are bridesmaids by starting them off with so many negative things about their friend. If she’s that close of a friend then you should make her wedding a priority. If she’s not, then find a way to tell her that you can’t afford it.

The topic ‘I need to vent… and I need some real advice.’ is closed to new replies.

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