(Closed) I need to vent- please tell me if I'm crazy (long)

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1094 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I read this earlier and I see now that still no one has replied.  I think it’s because the majority of people will prolly agree that you’re being a little crazy. 

You’re worrying about things that haven’t even happened yet.

And how come you’re assuming the worst? That FI’s family won’t be as excited? That they won’t want to help? Weddings are about family and the more the merrier! 

I say suck it up and put on a smile. This is going to be your sister in law and the last thing you want to do is alienate FI”S family.

IF! Down the road, aweful things happen like her picking a date a week before or whatever, feel free to come back and rant and we’ll all join in with you. But until then, her engagement doesn’t take anything away from yours.

You’re still in love. You’re still happy.

 

And a bonus! You’ll have someone to talk wedding stuff with that won’t want to pull their hair out because people who arn’t planning weddings really don’t care about weddings. 

Post # 4
Member
776 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I agree with the pp – you are being kind of crazy with this one. You need to let it go… They didn’t get engaged to show you up, and even if they did – does it really matter? If so, I think you might need to reassess your priorities. 

It will all be great in the end, you’ll have a lovely wedding surrounded by friends and family you love and a husband you adore! What’s not to be happy about!? 🙂 

Post # 5
Member
2821 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

Yeah, sorry, you’re being kind of insane. Take some deep breaths and try to let it go. It’s not unreasonable to feel a little bit of frustration that you’re going to have to share this special time, but it IS unreasonable to complain about it pretty much anywhere but here. Come here when you need to vent about it — otherwise, keep your mouth shut, even to your FI! Your feelings = valid. Acting on those feelings when they’re pretty irrational = poor decision making.

Post # 6
Member
260 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I think you’re too worried about something that hasn’t happened yet. I don’t think anyone would want to take away from the excitement of your wedding. I’m sure you’re wedding will be beautiful and everyone will enjoy it.

Post # 7
Member
1876 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

You seem to have a level head in that you know you are being a little crazy. That’s okay. Let is out here. But – keep it to yourself and just be happy for FSIL and FBIL. The truth is, his family might be more excited. There is a difference when you are the grooms family vs being the brides family. The brides family is much more involved and everyone sees it as a wedding they (collectively) are throwing. So yes, they mihgt be more involved/more excited for her. But you know what, it doesn’t diminish from the importance of your event. In fact if you look on the brightside, they might be so involved in her wedding that they back off from your wedding and not get too involved. They will also be more likely to understand where you are coming from with certain wedding aspects because they will be going thorugh it too.

Post # 8
Member
1427 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - parent's backyard

of course you ca’t control how you feel about it! but I agree with @JrzyGurl: keep it to yourself and try to be happy for them.  you will not regret being gracious about this, but I guarantee you will regret it if you act bitter. 

my SIL and BIL each got engaged within months of each other, and their weddings were only a few months apart too.  a few years later, they each found out they were pregnant and the babies were only a few months apart. (what is with these kids? sheesh.)

the point of my story is that the rest of the family was equally excited for both parties, and I really don’t think thunder was stolen from either of them. 

please try your hardest to enjoy all of the happiness and love that is happening in your family right now!

 

Post # 9
Member
776 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Yea, it’s a little crazy.  But I can sympathize.  FI and I have been dating for 5 + years.  We got engaged a year ago.  FI’s cousin started dating this guy right before we got engaged, and they got engaged 6 months later.  They planned their wedding for the month before ours.  I felt a little  ripped off at first because I felt like I’d put in all of this time dating, being engaged, planning etc. and she’s getting married RIGHT before we do to a guy she barely knows. (that was harsh of me I’m sure) They are having a much bigger wedding, and we are having a simple garden wedding. (and many of her pinterest pins look similar to things I’m doing) I felt like everyone would be comparing our little wedding to hers that they’d just attended. 

But then I started thinking…who cares. I’m doing exactly what I want to do with an amazing person.  I will just be happy for her. (and pray she doesn’t do anything too similar to me)

 

Post # 10
Member
430 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I totaly see where you are coming from, I would probably feel the same way (I am pretty similar in how I react to somethings).  Just be happy for them and keep your feelings at bay.  It probably won’t be as bad as your thinking 🙂

Post # 11
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Take a deep breath! You’ll be fine 🙂 my older brother got married 14 months before us;  DH’s sister 9 months before us; DH’s cousin a week after DH’s sis; DH’s other cousin 2 weeks after us; and another of DH’s cousins 2 wks after that. We are jokingly called the “champion” among all the couples by our families because we’ve been dating the longest… although we’re also the youngest! We all had our moments, we were all treated extra special and our families were all so excited. Everyone gave us lots of attention before, during and after and none of us ever felt that there was any thunder-stealing or whatever haha. 🙂

anyway just wanted to share our good experience. You’ll drive yourself crazier worrying about this, so try to chill and focus on positive things! 🙂

Post # 12
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

There’s nothing wrong with feeling upset – no one can control their feelings! But try not to let it affect your actions and decisions. You’re not getting married for another eight months! Their engagement will be old news by then! They may get a few of the more distant relatives asking to see the ring, because they wouldn’t have had a chance to see it yet, but they will still be more excited to see you and your fiance get married 🙂

Post # 13
Member
2084 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@anonbee7:  I think you’re being a bit unreasonable. I doubt their wedding will make yours any less special. I would enjoy having someone else in the family to plan with.

Post # 14
Member
251 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Every situation is different and every family is different, but I did have a bit of a similar predicament when we got married. DH and I started dating the same month that his sister starting dating her (now) husband. We got engaged after 10 months of dating, they got engaged a few months later…way flashier engagment than us (on the Eiffel Tower?!). We ended up getting married 4 weeks apart (they got married before us). 

I see how this has the potential to be awkward and frustrating at times, but here’s my advice for what it’s worth…

– your future in-laws will still be excited about your wedding. yes, they’ll have another wedding to focus on, too…but they’ll still be excited about it and want to talk about it. Make sure to keep them in the loop…future SIL included!

– be open with your future SIL about wedding plans (colors, ideas, dresses) so you can avoid being twinsies…but don’t get mad if you have some things similar. As customized as each wedding is, there will STILL be similar elements to all of them. My SIL had black BM dresses. I had navy. She had a more formal wedding, mine was more casual. You can make it work. Do what you love and don’t worry about what she’s doing. Try to keep in mind the real purpose of the day…you’re getting MARRIED to the love of your life! Focus on making it meaningful, and I promise you can’t go wrong. 

– try to focus on YOUR relationship with your FI…that’s something only you guys have control over. the wedding will be awesome, but it is one day after all…the marriage is for a lifetime!

– enjoy bonding with your future SIL over wedding stuff…it can be fun if you want it to be 🙂

– DO NOT have a “joint shower” with future SIL. Believe me, it’s even more awkward than it sounds. Idk who thought that would be a good idea for my SIL and me. I didn’t mind not having as much attention, but it was just confusing. 

– focus on being gracious. not to be too dramatic, but this situation has the potential to be one of those “make or break” kind of things. You can be a bridezilla, act selfish, and hurt your SIL’s feelings…or you can be super cool, gracious, and build an even stronger bond with your future family. if (when) you do get frustrated, talk to your FI! this is a perfect time for you to work on communication and for him to make sure you feel like the most special girl in the world. 

good luck and congratulations 🙂 

Post # 15
Member
1497 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

It’s a little weird for you to want them to wait to get engaged for EIGHT MONTHS so you can have the spotlight….you’ll have your bridal shower, your bachelorette, reception dinner, and wedding. That’s four days/events. It’s rather self-centered to wish that other people would put their lives on hold for 2/3 of a year because you’re afraid it will steal your attention on those four days. People may ask her to see her ring and congratulate her…but the parties will be for YOU. You can make this an awesome situation by being happy for her and helping her and planning two awesome weddings so that on your days, she will support you and on her days, you can support her.

Post # 16
Member
593 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Might be a little crazy but I experienced the same thing. My FI and I got engaged in September of 2011. We set our date for March 2013. His brother got engaged March of 2012 and they set a date of August 2013. I can’t help but feel like I have had to share my special time but after our wedding (end of March) she will get the “spotlight” for 5 months since our wedding will be over and old news. Stupid, yes? But we can’t control our emotions. 

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