(Closed) I need to vent.. stop giving yourselves plus ones!

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
233 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Haha, yes this is happening to me. My invites have gone out and the response card specifies whether the person gets a plus one or not (in __ of 1 fashion). Still, some people are telling me “guess who I am bringing as a plus one!?”

I admit to making some snarky responses, like…is there a number on your reply card? That’s right, it IS 1.

Post # 5
Member
295 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Heh, so I have to admit that I’m not so concerned one way or the other with it since we only had three people do it out of 100, but my uncle tried it this morning with a friend who coincidentally (??) turned out to be in town (they both live 3,000 miles away…) and I emailed my mom to see if she knew anything about it.

Before I knew it, she’d called both my uncle and my grandmother and yelled at them both about etiquette and who gets plus ones and who doesn’t and how it’s really rude to assume you get one when you’re invited by yourself. Too funny…I was just planning to send him a note saying sorry, we didn’t have room (which is true). Ah, well. (I should add that both my sister and I are planning weddings right now, so it’s possible that my mom’s a little too immersed in wedding etiquette at this stage….luckily we’ll rescue her soon! 😉

[Edit: Oh, yeah, and he’s 60-something too, so definitely not an age thing….although in our case all three who did it were single guys, so possibly an unfamiliar-with-etiquette thing?]

Post # 6
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

It will definitely happen when you send out your invites too, and it isn’t just young people. My FI’s mom’s friend (I think she is 60 something) added her someone to her RSVP! Turns out she is dating this guy and I didn’t know it. I haven’t figured out if I’m going to call her and tell her he can’t come. Very irritating. I didn’t do the _ of 1 on the RSVP, but I’m starting to worry I should have.

Post # 8
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I don’t blame you girl! My friend had an outrageously huge wedding; 425 people total! But people used that as an excuse to start bringing random boyfriends, family members, and OTHER friends of theirs, because they’d heard it was going to be ‘the party of the year’ and they wanted to basically take advantage. Two months before the wedding, her parents had to call 78 people and tell them that, no, actually, you can’t bring your step-brother or your new girlfriend or your three roommates, SORRY.

Do what you have to do, it’s YOUR day. If they don’t like it, it’s their own fault for being so rude and presumptuous in the first place!

Post # 9
Member
3539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

425 people MY GOODNESS!!  I would faint if i have that many ppl and .. i dont even think I know that many people… hate to be in that family calling people up.

Post # 11
Member
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I totally agree that they are being rude by asking you, but please remember that you have to invite both parties of a long-term relationship and couples that live together.  You can’t only invite one of them, even if they will know other people there.

Post # 13
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Lol, too funny and I understand your frustration because so people don’t understand etiquette for weddings or anything else. I think you are on the right track by ignoring them and letting the invites speak for themselves.

Post # 14
Member
510 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I definitely understand! I didn’t even know about the plus 1 rule until last year, when I started reading up on wedding ettiquette. There are definitely some friends on my list that aren’t in relationships right now, so I’m not giving them a plus 1, especially when other friends will be at the wedding. I did have my sister say that she wanted a plus 1, when she isn’t dating someone. Luckily I just added one of our high school friends to the list who isn’t dating anyone, and they decided to go together, so yay, I don’t need to add 2 plus 1’s! haha. Drama!

Post # 15
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I only put plus 1s for people who are in a relationship, and that I have at least heard of their SO. It didn’t matter to me if I’d actually met them, but if my friend actually took the effort to tell me about them then that was good enough for me. 

Everyone else didn’t get one. Although, I wouldn’t be upset if they wanted to bring a friend, especially if they feel like they won’t know anyone else. 

Future Sister-In-Law asked if her boyfriend of a few months could sit at the head table… um NO! 

Post # 16
Member
573 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

That is super annoying. Let each person who posted know that the STD is just to give them a heads up for their work/travel schedule, not to start finding someone to take with them. You can also prep them if you know your guest policy.

When you do set your guest list, be sure to set a specific guideline for invites and stick to it. We didn’t invite + 1’s, but a couple of people had dates with them because we were friends with each person and they happen to be in relationships. It was pretty obvious in those cases, so it worked out well. If you get into “well, I met so-and-so that time…” and “well they’ve been together for x months, vs y months” people will not be able to tell why they couldn’t bring someone.

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