- 8 years ago
- Wedding: August 2010
I probably should fill you in on the background before I ask for advice. My excitement has been completey replaced with an emotion I can’t describe!
My fiance and I were engaged last August. It was the happiest moment of my life. I immediately became excited and started the planning process. Although my fiance and I both come from different backgrounds, we are insanely in love and crazy for one another. 🙂 We met through the military and now attend school together. He grew up with one sister in a large city and didn’t have to worry financially. I grew up in the country on a farm with my wonderful seven brothers and sisters where life was tough at times. I love his family and respect them so much, but sometimes I feel they aren’t excited about our upcoming wedding. They treat me nicely but at times do the craziest things that make me feel as though I’m not good enough for their son. We’ve been together for over three years.
I think things got off to a bad start when I politely turned down my future MIL’s request that I wear her wedding gown. I tried it on for her sake but honestly, I wanted to cry when I looked at myself in the mirror. It was like someone wanting me to be someone I’m not. From that point on, she has lost all excitement. I am using her toasting glasses and cake topper. I invited her to go dress shopping with me but it was pulling teeth.She only went after her daughter came along. When I came out in my dress, she just stayed sitting and said “oh, it’s pretty.”
In addition, to try and keep her involved, I’ve been emailing her pictures and ideas of what I’ve been creating. I ask her time and time again for feedback and I get no response. She sometimes responds to the email but it’s never about the wedding. It confuses me so much and hurts my feelings. I love and respect my future Mother-In-Law but she makes it hard for me to be excited about the wedding. When I sign my emails with the word love, she makes it obvious not to.
Over New Year’s, she gave a toast and said at the end raising her glass, “maybe there will be a wedding next year.” It’s all so confusing to me because up until our wedding announcement, she and I got along great. I even lived with them for a few months. Lately, when we visit (we live six hours away), his parents have repeatedly asked me why I’m majoring in English and not planning on teaching. I keep repeating that my passion in life are animals/outdoors and I have a strong desire to pursue a writing career. Again, my fiance brought up the subject of us moving to another state(his idea), and his mom said “What’s (me) going to do there? Teach Animals?” in a sarcastic tone. Again, making me feel as though I’m not good enough. SIGH. There’s more but it’s not even worth writing-you get the drift.
My color scheme is green/light pink. My future Mother-In-Law picked out a beauiful green dress–absolutely beautiful! But then, for some reason, she decided she didn’t like the dress and bought a new one. It’s floor length, ivory, and beads…like mine! Sadly, I think it didn’t even suprise me so I don’t even care anymore.
The thing that I do care about is that my family has 100 percent welcomed my fiance into our family. After the engagement, my family was calling my fiance nonstop. I guess the number one thing that bothers me, is neither parent has expressed an excitement towards me being their son’s wife. It really hurts a lot. The rest of my fiance’s extended family has. Everyone keeps telling me that I should just realize my fiance is her only son and she’s dealing with mother emotions. And I understand that. I just want her to have a part in the planning and feedback, etc. Should I just give up?
I’ve talked with my fiance and he addressed his mom’s excitement (lack thereof)with her. She’s so different with him though. He thinks maybe I’m being too sensitive.
On top of all this, I’m dealing with an immature sister (7 years younger) who is angry our other sister is the Maid/Matron of Honor (she’s 2 years younger and my best friend) and that my friends from the military are standing closer to me in the ceremony. She refused to go pick out bridesmaid dresses with us and that really hurt my feelings. In addition, my sister in law is being a total ____ (you fill in the blank) about me not asking her to be a bridesmaid. I have 3 sister in laws! She has made comments about my fiance not asking any of my brothers to be groomsmen. Instead, I asked two of my brothers to be ushers. The number one reasosn she is mad is because she insists and believes my MARRIED friend (bridesmaid) wants her husband (my brother). I asked her daughter (my niece) to be one of the flower girls and she insists that my nephew have a part as well. I suggested that he could hand out programs and, instead, my SIL told my nephew he was playing the keyboard throught the ceremony!!!!It’s all so ridiculous!! I have enough to deal with wedding planning, work, and school combined. Why do people act like this when it comes to a wedding!?
My fiance and I both are at the verge of wanting to elope. haha.
Sorry it was so long–just needed to vent.