Post # 1
Ok to give you background FH and I having a small wedding, about 50 people. We are paying for the wedding ourselves and decided to just invite immediate family and close friends only. my mom has a coworker that have known me since I was born, she asked if they could be invited and I said thats fine.
When we sent out the invites I wrote in a 1 on her RSVP card. I was informed on Monday (through my mom) that her daughter would be attending with her. What!!!…I don’t even know her daughter. A side note appaerntly when the same ladys daughter was married like 15 years ago, my mom took me even though her invite is only for 1. Now I don’t even remember going that is how long ago it was.
Anyway so because my mother took me she said her daughter has to come, and she doesn’t want to go alone (she knows several people that are going)…..
so cut to today and her RSVP card arrives and she has scribbled out the pre-written 1 and put 2, and added her dauughters name.
I ask my mom and she says she will pay for the extra dinner, but i am more concerned that
1. why would someone who doesn’t know either of us want to come to the wedding
2. regardless of what my mom did 15 years ago its just rude, she obviously has no concern for us or our wedding
4. some of our friends are not even able to bring plus 1’s so WTF
So I talk to my mom (sort of freaking out) and she says that if we have to add an extra table and it is a big hassle she will tell the lady that her daughter can’t come. I am hoping that this will be what happens but I doubt it. i wonder what the likelyhood og the daughter showing up anyway will be.
I don’t know what to do, with only about a month to go the stress and little things like this are driving me nuts. What would you Bees do?
Thank you if you stuck it thru all the way I know this was long…..but I just feel like crying…..this kind of stuff is making this last month not fun, when it should be 🙁
Post # 3
I totally get you! It happens, and people who do this don’t understand how disrespectful it is.
This also happened to us (a guest in which we provided 2 seats wanted to bring a third person). We corrected them and said that they could only have 2 seats. She said okay and that she will just bring one guest.
Cut to the day of the wedding – She brought 2 people with her. She basically lied to our face and went along with her original plan. We were serving a plated dinner, so basically – we had a wedding crasher.
I say just go with it. At least you know an additional person is coming now, and not surprised on the day of!
Post # 4
Im sorry about your stress. My mom is HUGE on this etiquette rule. Me I dont get it. But she believes if you have been invited to a wedding, those same attendants should be invited to your wedding. (I guess this rule applies to us daughters!!) My mom is really stuck on this rule, and while I dont get it, I hope she is willing to compromise with me since we are 1. paying for all this alone and 2. want to keep it intimate as possible!
Best of Luck! Keep your sanity over one person! =)
Post # 5
I dont think she understands that you are having an intimate wedding. Maybe just a quick phone call will clear it up? Tell her simply you are having immediate family and friends, but wanted to include her because how close she is to your mother. I understand what your saying when you have a small wedding every guest counts!
Post # 6
This might not be the answer you’re looking for… but I was in a VERY similar situation, and I just let the girls come along. Yes, girls, we are talking twins here. My in-laws were allowed to invite a few of their friends, and one of my MIL’s friends is a single mother of teenaged twin daughters. I guess she just assumed from the mere mention of potentially receiving an invite in the future that her girls would be invited as well. I went around and around on this issue for months with my Mother-In-Law. I had all the same arguments as you, we couldn’t even invite some of OUR friends, and yet these two teenagers that I don’t even know and have never met are coming to the wedding. My in-laws would not back down though, and in the end the girls did come. I wasn’t happy about it, but in the end it wasn’t worth all the tension.
Post # 7
Your mom offered to mitigate the cost, just let it go. There are more important thiings to worry about, and in the end you won’t remember this 20 years from now.
Post # 8
I get where you’re coming from. We had this same issue with people wanting to bring their kids to our wedding and we had to make a few phone calls or tell people casually before hand that we were encouraging baby sitters due to size limitations.
Honestly though I think you are stressing way too much over 1 person. Are you sure that all 50 of your guests are coming? Yes she is being rude but it is also a little strange to send an invite for 1 unless you have explained before hand that it is a very small wedding. Likely at least one or two people will have an emergency come up and not make the wedding. Yes you could make your mom uninvite the daughter but that could be awkward for everyone involved. I would just try to be the bigger person here and find a way to accommodate the extra guest.
Post # 9
I had a similar situation. I invited my aunt (I just put HER name on the invite) and unfortunately, her son (my no-good cousin) had just moved in with her and when she called she left a message that “Hello dear, yes no-good son and I will be attending!” It was really irritating because 1) I don’t particularly like this dude and 2) don’t know him that well either. But what can you do. I just let it go and added him to the list. Hope they bring a good present!
Post # 10
Just blow it off or you will go nuts. More and more “little” things will start popping up the closer you get to your big day. If you don’t let it go it can consume you. I truly pray that people will be more considerate of you. Just remember that most folks wont realize how inconsiderate they are being. They really mean no harm. Frustrating isn’t it?
Post # 11
Thanks Bees……I am waiting for the rest of my RSVPs to arrive but we know everyone we invited will be there, it is literally only family and super close friends. I have been super stressed (only a month to go) and I think this just sent me over the edge…to crazy town lol. I had a meeting with my planner yesterday and we came up with several options of how to deal, and she helped with some of the other stress as well. Will just have to wait and see what happens…..Thanks for the kind words…really needed some positiveness the last couple days.
Post # 12
If I were that lady’s daughter and I ended up attending a super-intimate wedding of only 50 (or I guess 51) guests where I didn’t even know the bride and groom, I would be not only embarrassed, but also very uncomfortable. That’s selfish of your mom’s co-worker to do that to you and to her daughter.
So sorry you have to deal with this, but I kind of agree that you should just let your mom handle this mess and not worry about it. Don’t let her ruin your big day!
Best of luck!