(Closed) I need tougher skin..

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
472 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010 - Ladder 15 Restaurant

Ugh!!  I hate downers like those people!!  I totally relate to needing thicker skin though, I let EVERYTHING get to me.  So being the same way, I have no words of advice, only empathy!

Just keep your head high and remind yourself that it’s YOUR DAY and you’ll love it!

Post # 4
Member
321 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011 - Anthony’s Fine Dining

That kind of stuff gets to me too!  I’m sure that on your big day, none of that will matter 🙂

Post # 5
Member
300 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I totally know what you mean. My Future Sister-In-Law (and one of my BM) is getting married a few months before us and we are having very different weddings. I don’t feel any sense of competition but it is really important to my dad that we have real dishes (as oppossed to throw away which is common in our area and I am in no way judging that) and silverware. It’s what we did for my sister’s wedding and my dad just absolutely HATES eating on paper plates with plastic forks. Don’t know why, he just does. I can’t count the number of times my FIL’s have made comment about how they arent’t having anything like that at their wedding. Just very simple, affordable stuff. Nothing outrageous like that. They’ve also made comments about how I want real flowers and she wants fake, etc. I’ve jsut gotten to the point where I don’t talk about my wedding with them at all. I have never been trying to compete over this. We are 2 different couples have 2 different weddings. End of story. No need to make anybody feel bad about choices for their wedding.

Post # 7
Member
593 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I hear you. When my coworker asked about wedding plans, I told her Fiance and I had asked a very close friend to marry us (outdoor wedding and all). She gave me a disgusted look. I reminded her that we are not religious–and how spiritual and religious are not mutually exclusive–and she said “well most people have the decency to have their wedding in a church out respect for their parents.”

Whoa! The comment made me especially angry because my coworker happily calls herself Christian yet she absolutely does NOT “do unto others” and all that jazz. She’s actually a pretty horrible and hateful person. Yet somehow she is better than me because she would have her wedding in a church? That attitude kills me.

Anyway, I am used to her saying incredibly rude things so I tried my best to shrug it off and say “my parents love the idea.” But that still didn’t deter her. Funny thing is, I am pretty sure she is warped enough to expect an invite! Good luck with that, lady.

Post # 8
Member
2788 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I am getting annoyed that people keep saying that our wedding shouldn’t be in January because of the snow.  All of the snowing this year happened in Dec. and Feb.  And it is our wedding, and it is what works best for us financially and work wise. 

When the comments stop becoming helpful they are annoying already…

invest in some boots

Post # 9
Member
408 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I totally understand how you feel….people just don’t understand how insensitive those comments are…but you will have good and bad days….some days you will let it just roll off your shoulders and other days you will BLOW up….now being just 30 days away for our wedding…I can honestly say that at this point I could care less what people think, don’t have time for all the negativity….this is OUR day…the way WE want it…I just focus on the important things….because at the end of the day….someone will have SOMETHING to say….so poo them!

Post # 10
Member
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

@ccranetobe – I totally understand your frustration!  My MOTHER made an awful (in my opinion) comment to me 1.5 months before the wedding:

“I kind of wish you had stuck to your original idea of a big wedding. I enjoyed being a part of the planning, helping you look for places on the internet and I was looking forward to visiting places with you and helping to pick out the menu and stuff.”

I was just like “WTF!”  I couldn’t do anything about it at that point so I didn’t know why she even said it!  It just made me feel like total CRAP!  My mom was involved in EVERY detail of my wedding (except the food because my husband’s mom catered it).  So I don’t know why she was having issues!

Post # 11
Member
2083 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I have found that people in general are just more anti-marriage than I had ever imagined! Everyone knows that my Fiance and I have been together for almost 7 years now and that we are SO excited to be marrying eachother and have had absolutely no problems… yet sometimes when I tell someone that I am getting married soon they look shocked, disgusted and are like “Seriously? WHY? You are so young!”. I want to know what happened to people keeping their judgements to themselves, keeping their mouths shut, and simply saying “Congratulations!”

Post # 12
Member
198 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I got this comment from someone when they found out we’re having a ceremony and not a mass in our church. 

“Thank God, now it won’t be SO LONG!”

Um, if you can’t spare an hour of your fabulous life for my wedding, please don’t bother coming. 

Post # 13
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’ve been having a ‘crap on Jen’s wedding’ week… or 2.  So yeah, I totally empathize!  I’m not really sure how to tell you to let this stuff go, but for our sanity we need to let it go.  Sometimes people have no idea the impact their thoughtless comments can make.  Others just don’t have a filter so they blurt out what comes to mind without thinking about it at all.  I get crazy comment all the time, from everyone.  My Maid/Matron of Honor is queen off offering a recommendation for or solution to something that was never an issue.  I would tell her, “so, I decided that I’d like to do________”.  And she’ll say, “Oh!  You know what you should do instead!”.  Then I want to slap her because I wasn’t asking for input!  Ah!  A lot of times they are trying to help, they just totally miss the mark.  I realize though, that I would never be offended if I wasn’t already a bit emotional.  I’ve become good at just ignoring, fake smiling and changing the subject.  I’m hoping they get the point. 

Post # 14
Member
1426 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Um, WTH when did chairs start becoming a luxury at weddings?? 

I feel like I’m getting it from both sides.  If I try to do something traditional- like register for china- I get negative comments like “That’s such a waste! No one will buy it and you don’t even need it!” Uh, we want it, so we registered for it.  If people don’t want to buy it, no one is forcing them. End of story. 

Then, if we try to eliminate something that we don’t think we need, like limos, we get the “Oh, but it won’t be a wedding without limos!” or “you won’t be a bride without a veil!” Uh, I thought us getting married was what made it a wedding and me a bride, not the transportation or attire.

People need to mind their own business. ugh.

Post # 15
Member
5262 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

Things like that really get to me too. I think because a lot of us on here put so much thought into our weddings. I know when Future Sister-In-Law got married, she had no real attachment to anything but the invites and her dress. Everything else she was like, “oh, whatever X wants” – she still got mad when family attacked over things, but I don’t think it was as personal to her, but the decisions were often that of her Mother-In-Law or her own mother. But when you put painstaking detail into the favors, picking out the venue, writing the ceremony, etc, it gets personal when someone says something like, “You want to get married where?” 

Post # 16
Member
2066 posts
Buzzing bee

I could have written this post!

A sampling of comments I’ve heard:

– People complaining that we’re getting married in July in Houston (yes, it will be hot outside, but we’re getting married inside and our reception is inside and the a/c will be running).  One of my BM’s husbands was complaining about this on FACEBOOK.  Umm – we’re FB friends.

– People are upset we’re having an adults only wedding/reception.  I’ve tried to explain we are having an elegent seated dinner reception at a nice venue and its not child friendly (and its hard for kids to sit through a full mass wedding).  Its a decision Fiance and I made and its what we want for our wedding.

– Comments about how we’re having a large wedding.  Umm – we both have large familes and lots of friends.  Why is a large wedding suddenly tacky?

It seems like people just have comments about everything.  I keep reminding myself that its our wedding and we shouldn’t have to defend our choices. 

 

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