(Closed) I need tougher skin..

posted 11 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I hear you on this.  The craziest comment I’ve had thus far was from one of my best friends.  We had gone dress shopping the day before (it was my third time out looking) and I found a gorgeous dress that I LOVED, made my sister cry, etc.  It was also out of my budget.  I found a sample dress at the same store that can be altered fairly easily to look very similar to my dream dress and it was less then half the price (SCORE!).  As it’s a sample, I had to actually pick up the dress quickly, which I did the next day.  We decided to have lunch together to sort of celebrate and as we’re eating she says:

“If I had your body and was you, I would have gone with the first dress you tried on…but to each their own.”  

UMMM….WTF?!?!  The first dress wasn’t in the running at all (it was stunning, but made me look like a fat pyramid in a pouffy dress) and I have JUST RETURNED FROM BUYING ANOTHER DRESS.  I just looked at her.  I know that she meant well, but it really stung.

I KNOW that I haven’t always been the most understanding about weddings in the past…when you’re not planning it, paying for it, etc. sometimes you can say things without thinking.  This is why I’m doing my absolute best not to take things personally, because people don’t seem to understand how much of yourself goes into the details of planning a wedding (especially if they haven’t done it themselves).  So far, the success at this has been minimal, but I keep reminding myself that most of the comments are from good friends, who just aren’t thinking.

Post # 18
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: January 2011

seriously, if people don’t like something about your wedding, they need to just keep their comments to themselves. of course, there will always be someone who disagrees with the way you are handling things, but why they feel the need to share their unsolicited thoughts with the bride or groom is beyond me.

for a while I was thinking that once you get married yourself, it makes you more aware of the do’s and dont’s of basic wedding courtesy. based on the experiences people here have had though, it doesn’t sound like it!

Post # 19
Member
277 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I just say, “hey, I’m really excited about my wedding and I’m happy with our plans”.  Then leave.

Post # 20
Member
19 posts
Newbee

i had a lot of negative comments from people when i would tell them the things i was doing myself (which was pretty much anything i was able to do). i would say i was making the cake and they would be all “are you sure? that’s a big project. i don’t knowwwwwwww.” it got on my nerves a ton because i KNOW what i can do and i know what i want. you just have to let it slide because everyone feels like they can give their two cents and think they are helping when they aren’t. sometimes you just have to say “thank you for sharing your opinion but this is my wedding and this is how i want it.” it was also nice to show them all when they saw the final wedding pictures or the event itself and saw how awesome everything i made myself turned out. so i proved i knew what i wanted and how to make it happen. and you will do the same. my fiance also stepped in to tell people to back off when it was his family making comments. your wedding will be great because it’s all about you two and no one else.

Post # 22
Member
1102 posts
Bumble bee

My mum told me to choose my battles too 🙂 In life, not wedding planning as such. It’s good advice!

To be honest if these are the kinds of comments you’re getting, I’d just stop discussing the wedding with everyone except your Fiance (and anyone else you know will be supportive). If someone asks how the planning is going, say fine and change the subject. If someone asks what chairs/colours/songs/food you’re having, say you haven’t decided yet/are keeping it a surprise, and change the subject. Keep yourself sane and don’t pander to the curiosities of rude folk 🙂

Post # 24
Member
19 posts
Newbee

you just have to realize that anything interesting is going to be considered weird or wrong to boring or jealous people with no imaginations. when you have your wedding and love everything you chose and see the photos you won’t care what those people said. they don’t know what they are talking about and are just negative. people who can’t visualize always think anything new is a bad idea. those are the people who don’t make the world a more interesting place. so just remember you are doing cool stuff for you and it will all be great!

Post # 25
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I have already started a “complaints dept” list in my head but if I were smarter I would  just let their comments roll off of me.

I have received a lot of the above plus negative remarks about how our wedding is a “destination wedding.” The venue is about 90 minutes north of NYC by car and we did everything we could to make it easy for people to travel in and out for the day (scheduling it in the late afternoon instead of evening, providing a free shuttle from the train station).  We could easily spend double the $ if we did it in the city, and we wouldn’t be able to invite everyone we wanted to or have it outdoors.

Somebody once told me “the bride can never do good” in everyone’s eyes. Amen to that.

Thanks for letting me rant!

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