(Closed) I Need Your Advice Please!!! – Jealousy Issues

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
6354 posts
Bee Keeper

The jealousy is his fault. He’s not acting like a mature adult who respects you. He may be better than your exes, but he’s not good enough for you. You need to realize that.

Demand more from men… as much as you demand from yourself to give to them, not an iota less than that… and they will give it to you.

Post # 4
578 posts
Busy bee

I think it’s really good that you realize that there is an issue here. Truthfully, I do not think YOU have much of an issue. His actions and tendencies to flirt with other women would make any girlfriend uncomfortable. You say you are sure he would never cheat on you, but if I was you I wouldn’t fully believe that. You two may be looking for completely different things in life. You can’t marry someone expecting that they will change as soon as they put on that ring… you will marry this man, and everything that comes with it. Are you prepared to live with his behaviors and tendencies? I know I wouldn’t. I need someone who is fully mentally, emotionally, and physically committed to me above everyone. 

I am so sorry you are going through this! I wish you the best. 

Post # 7
670 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

What you described is flirting! Please stop buying into his lies.

Post # 9
394 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

First of all, there is nothing wrong with YOU.  You are not crazy and you certainly don’t have issues.  You are normal and I think any normal woman (even ones who are mega-confident) would feel the way you do….I know I would.   My Fiance was also a “player” in his younger years and I sometimes get jealous when I think of all of the women that came before me.  However, Fiance has always gone over and above in telling/showing me that I am the love of his life and he’s so grateful that he finally found someone who loves him so dearly and unconditionally.  

I re-read your post twice, because I don’t want to be judgemental and unfair with my impressions, so if I say anything offensive, I don’t mean to.   However, it sounds like your Fiance could do a little more for you in the reassurance/devotion department.   You sound like a lovely, kind woman who has worked hard to be a loving partner in your relationship, but based on what you’ve wrote, he seems to be sending a lot of (negative) subliminal messages about his feelings towards committment & monogamy.  Just because he’s not taking women up on their offers to meet him out for drinks, doesn’t mean that he’s not disrespecting your relationship.  He should be 100% devoted to you and shouldn’t have to get a pat on the back for “giving up porn” and “not actually messaging female FB friends” .  And no man should make you feel that your physical attitributes are sub-par and need surgical correction in order for you to be beautiful to them.

I think  you should step back and see a therapist before you seal the deal with this man.  I know you love him, but any man who constantly checks out other women — to the point of making you nervous and uncomfortable — may not be the best one for you.  And as a fellow single mom, I’m concerned about his comment about not being “a good family guy”.  You come with two special, important children and he NEEDS to be a family guy if he wants you forever. 

I hope I haven’t overstepped my bounds, but it if you’re having doubts and worry in your gut, you should probably pay attention to it.  Hugs to you…I know this is not easy for you.

Post # 10
12244 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Take that man off that big, shiny pedestal. He does NOT deserve it.

As someone who also has left an extremely abusive relationship, I know how it feels like every man not beating you MUST be a great guy!

But they’re not. Men who treat you with respect are great guys. Men who hunt down women online and say they’re single? Not great guys!

So I think your insecurities are not th problem here. His behaviors are.

Post # 12
1078 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@old-hollywood:  I got to the point where you said he wanted you to get work done… awe honey he said he was single to people??? thats horrible 


I am so sorry, I feel like he is taking advantage of the fact when he got to know you you had been crushed feeling 


its wonderful he is a free spirit who made you feel stronger 


its ok he looks at another girl … IT IS NOT OK HE EVER SAID HE WAS SINGLE WHILE DATING YOU!!!


It’s nice he baby sits and cooks, but it does not sound like he makes you feel the love and he is looking for other girls … I am 27 dating a 40 year old so I get the age dif stuff pretty well and I am not bothered by age… that being said you are 26 and you have dated 2 def jerks and one jerk who acted very sweet but said he was single for a year, and still chats and flirts you are young and have alot to offer someone you shouldn’t be with a grown grown up (i say that b.c. once a man is 40 they should know how to act and treat a women right)  who makes you feel you need work done and who cant commit and make you feel secure with him 



It’s ok he looks(never touches or asks or texts emails about how he would like to) 


It’s ok to talk to other girls (not new ones he meets on dating sites though, you go on dating sites to meet someone you want to date so you do nlt meet friends there) 


It’s ok to hang out with other girls (not meet up with girls he never met that he chatted up on line) 


its not ok to treat you this way, he is totally taking advantage of you, if you feel jelouse in this case it’s with good reason 


its not like your jealous he holds the door for a girl with bags at the mall… or jealous he talks to his old friends he has known for years or someone at work 


you are jealous he disrespects you and goes out to seek other female attenion tell him it like that 


tell him its not ok he does that and he not 22 he not 30 he is well past the point he should know how to respect a women by now and tell him if he wants to seek other female attention he should get out and not even look back 


right now he is a bad romodel for your childre (he will teach a girl its ok to let someoen treat you bad and change you and he teach a boy not to respect women) 


it’s just shame on him for doing that to you don’t beat your self up when your in love more so after being abused you put up with shit and you deserve better way better 


if you need an ear msg me anytime and please stand up to him 


btw i would be much more confy with someone watching porn then chating up real women online … those are girls who are looking for a connection maybe don’t care if they are home recking hell maybe they get a rise out of it … porn is way safre then real girls porn can’t give your partner an std

Post # 15
1078 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

View original reply
@old-hollywood:  I am glad you are feeling that way b.c. you deserve someone who makes you feel good and strong and better like he did at the get go… I loved readying how he got you back intouch with some of those good parts of you again after not feeling that way for along time 


like anyone there is good and bad I think you will do what you find is right, I def think your not being jealous in a bad way you are reacting to his behavior. It’s not like your freaking out over nothing people who are jealous in bad ways do 


example I dated a guy who called my homework code for doing a guy in my class (he was jealous with out reason) and got upset evne if i did nothing thats the bad kinda jealous 


you are worried and feel jealous b.c. he at 1st still said he was single and he has a habit of seeking out new women to get attenion form … thats alright to be jealous about 


if you do keep dating def seeing someone would be the right way to go, b,c, he needs to learn how to respect you and the relationshop b.c. you and your whole family deserve that 


and if you don’t stay with him, you did refind those stronger parts of your self and he taught you things everyone comes into our lifes for a reason not alwayd the one we like he might have been someone ment to teach you HEY I AM STRONG and I can be who i was b4 anyone hurt me and you know what I DESRVE BETTER  


sometimes thats is why people are in our lifes to help use grow and see things what we need and what we want … if he can’t be what you need and what you want then you need to wait and find someone who is or if he is gonna still but what you want and step up go with you to see someone to find out how to be what you need  then maybe you made him grow too 🙂

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