(Closed) I need your help bees! I want to be engaged.

posted 4 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
8044 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@rararachael:  He’s 22. That’s why he isn’t in a rush to get married.

Post # 4
Member
11760 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

He hasn’t asked because he isn’t ready.

engagement and even marriage doesn’t create any more security. Engagementa are broken off and divorces happen. If your relationship is strong before the ring or wedding it will be after those things too, if it isn’t strong before it won’t be after. 

Post # 5
Member
251 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@rararachael:  He might not be ready to get married, its a huge commitment. What’s the rush to be engaged??

@rararachael: not necessarily, i’m 23 and married

Post # 7
Member
8044 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@rararachael:  I know it’s tough, but if it’s meant to be (and not in the destiny/fate sense), it’ll work out. No rush.

Post # 8
Member
659 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@canarydiamond:  Not necessarily true…

@rararachael:  Though I would think there’s something giving him pause if he’s got all those options available to him. Have you two talked about getting married soon? Maybe he wants to wait until there’s some financial stability? Just because the ring and the wedding are paid for, doesn’t mean the rest of your life is paid for as well. 

My FI and I were ready to get married around 22 and 24, but we both knew we couldn’t support each other at that point in our life, so we just kept dating and improving our lives together and separately. I’m now 27 and he’s 29 and we’re getting married next year. Those 5 years were really important developmentally. And we were in a very similar situation of my grandmother offering a beautiful center diamond as well as my family paying for the wedding.

Just give it time and enjoy yourself – it’s not always a sprint down the aisle.

Post # 12
Member
602 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@rararachael:  My FI wanted to wait until we had the money for a house and to enjoy our lives together without stressing over my student loans. To him a wedding was also about the house, not just the ring and ceremony themselves.

Post # 13
Member
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@rararachael:  For all you know your proposal could come any day now since you two have already talked about it and he said soon.

BUT also, I really hate saying this because I know people hate hearing it but maybe he is young and not quite ready….when he is ready he will do it.

In the meantime try your best to be patient, you want him to do it because he wants to do it, not because he feels pressured by you or your family or anyone else.

Post # 16
Member
513 posts
Busy bee

It sounds like this is mostly a security thing for you. That’s not a good reason to get engaged. I’m 24 as well and yes, people are getting engaged left and right. But in my experience, a lot of those people were together for 5-10 years before doing so. You change SO much in your 20s.

I lucked out and got engaged after 2 years, but that wouldn’t have happened if my FI was my age (he’s 8 years older). He’s in a place now where his career and finances are where he wants them to be for him to feel comfortable getting married. And yes, there are 22 year old guys out there who want to settle down and get married, but they are rare.

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