(Closed) I need your help bees! I want to be engaged.

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 17
Member
207 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I’m 21, (FI is 22) and we’re getting married this fall, so age might not be an issue. The bigger issue might be that you’re unaware how much more of a financial committment marriage really is. For you to say “it would cost him nothing” is an understatement. The wedding might not, but the marriage will surely cost more than either of you can imagine!

Post # 20
Member
207 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@rararachael: I guess if you’re already living together (not sure if you are), you’ve established a monthly budget, etc. I suppose every couple is different. For us, marriage will be much more expensive than our individual lives. We have to move into a bigger house, take on each others student loans and car payments…

Post # 22
Member
180 posts
Blushing bee

@canarydiamond:  +1

 

Not everyone is ready to get married at 22.  It definitely wasn’t on my radar then.   And not to be a downer, but the divorce stats for people under 25 aren’t the best.

Perhaps he wants to be in a position where he doesn’t HAVE to depend on your family to fund his wedding.  Personally, I think it’s important for two people to learn how to be completely self-sufficient before joining in marriage.  Maybe first he wants to get a job in his field to be able to support himself before committing to marriage.  

 

Post # 23
Member
680 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

You’ve only been together 2 years, give it time. I don’t think your grandmother is going to retract her offer so what’s the rush?

Post # 24
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee

[content moderated for snark]

Post # 25
Member
1670 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@rararachael:  My Fiance is approaching 28 and he just proposed in december and he still was barely ready! I think men just take awhile to warm up to the idea of marriage! Also most men want to be the provider, he might just want to be secure in himself, job, life, finances, etc first.

Post # 26
Member
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

give him time 🙂 (like 2 years) he should be ready then ( or be thinking about it seriously :)) I’m 28 my fiance is 33 . We met when we were 24 and 29 .

 

I don’t think he was ready until he was 31 and I wouldn’t have expected it until we’d been together at least 4 years which is this year 

 

 

 

good luck 🙂

 

Post # 27
Member
4655 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Welcome to the hive!

You’ll find a lot of similar minded bees (including myself) in the Waiting section of this site.  It’s a really great place to connect with others and vent your frustrations!!

For what it’s worth, SO asked my Dad for my hand nearly 2 years ago but is yet to make the committment to me.  I know it’ll come, it’s about patience (grr!!)

Also, consider joining the Waiting List if you haven’t already, you can post at the bottom of this thread or PM somethingaquamarine.

 

Post # 28
Member
513 posts
Busy bee

@Miss_Words:  Age might not have been an issue for you and your Fiance, but it is for a lot of people. I can totally see how the OP’s bf wouldn’t be ready for such a committment.

Post # 30
Member
4524 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I’ve been with my bf for 2 years as well. We are 27 and 25 this month. We sound similar to you in the sense that I want a commitment but am not rushing to get married, and he sees engagement as marriage coming soon and a house and bills and money.

My advice would be to think about why you want an engagement and what it means to you, and then try to find out what it means to him. My dbf and I are now on the same page, with him hinting at “good things later this year” and both of us agreeing that June 2015 would be perfect for a wedding

Post # 31
Member
2961 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

A year isn’t a long engagement. Not even a year and a half. 22 is really young for a lot of people to decide to get married. I did it, and I’m divorced now. I’m not saying that is what always happens in young marriages, but it is more likely statistically.

I wouldn’t pressure him now. Calm your jets, you are only 24.

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