Post # 1
One of my best friends from high school is going to be a BM in my wedding. When she first found out I was engaged she was super happy for me. She drove 8 hours to my engagement party and spent the whole time talking with my MOH about bridal party and bachlorette party ideas. Anyway, when my MOH was trying to plan the bridal shower, she emailed all the girls and asked them what was good for them. BM didn’t respond to any e-mails. So MOH calls her and leaves messages. No response. Finally, MOH posts on her facebook wall and BM responds! She says she has no idea what’s going on this summer and can’t make a committment to any dates. MOH plans the shower on dates that work for everyone else since BM is being so evasive. I try to call BM and she won’t answer. Seems she’ll only answer me on text or facebook, which makes it difficult to have a conversation. She’s supposed to elope this summer with her FI, but she did mention vaguely that he might want to push it back a bit. Maybe she’s stressed about that? If she’s having problems with her FI or whatever or just doesn’t want to be in the wedding I wish she’d just let me know.
So finally, since MOH can’t get ahold of BM, I just write on BM’s wall, commenting on how she’s doing, inquiring about her new job, etc. She tells me she has a new waitressing job and she can’t come to the bridal shower because she has to work that weekend. At this point, I’m frustrated because she could seem to care less about anythng related to the wedding and I have no idea if she plans to be in the wedding. She’s the type who I could see not telling me till last minute that she’s not coming to the wedding. My MOH can’t get even find out if she has her dress and or shoes and I’ve had no luck with that either. Any suggestions? if she’d talk to me on the phone we could at least figure things out but texting and e0-mailing is difficult.
Post # 3
I’m sure you’ve already done this, but the only thing I could think of doing is text her and tell her that she needs to call you. Tell her it’s super important. If she doesn’t end up calling you, then I would cut her from the wedding or demote her to the person who passes out the programs.
Post # 4
This is tricky. It sounds like she was happy at first. And she might have some good reasons for missing the shower. You said she started a new job. That makes me wonder if she was strapped for cash, to come out and attend the shower, and spend money on hosting and gifts. That can make ppl act a little goofy and illusive about why they can’t commit to stuff. They don’t want others to know they’re having troubles.
You also said that she’s planning an elopement too this summer. Honestly, I can see why she might be hesitant to commit to a day for your shower. She’s not only trying to juggle her schedule to plan around, but her FI’s and perhaps whoever was supposed to go with them.
On top of that, you mention that they might push some things back. I don’t know why she’s eloping. Maybe they are having family troubles or money troubles. but it’s possible that she’s jealous of your wedding.
Have you tried by starting with what’s going on in her life? See what doors that might open up.
Post # 5
@Tanya: From everything I’ve been told by her, her FI makes a lot of money and they’re very financially stable. However, this could have changed. She’s eloping because they wanted to elope in Italy, not due to financial or family issues, they just want it that way. Her wedding plans seem to change at the drop of a hat but she’s always been very spur of the moment and inconsistant.
I’ve asked her multiple times what’s new in her life, inquired about the new job, etc and have gotten limited responses. Maybe it’s the fact that the communication is only through facebook or text and it’s easy to miscommunicate. I plan on calling her today and catching up with her and her life (no wedding talk) and seeing how it goes from there. However, and this may be my overactive imagination/pessimism talking, I’m just feeling like she really doesn’t want to be in the wedding party anymore.
Post # 6
I think you need to be honest and direct with her. Call her (or if that doesn’t work facebook her) and say, “You seem to be very busy lately and it’s been hard for us to get ahold of you, I know you have a lot going on and I totally understand, but I need to know if you’ve bought the BM dress and sare still able to be in the wedding.”
Post # 7
Funny, I could of written this post 3 months ago! I have had the same difficulty with a BM of mine. I eventually had to call her and leave a voicemail that said something to the effect of, “Hey, I keep trying to get ahold of you to check in. Haven’t talked to you in awhile, I hope everthings alright. My MOH has also been trying to get ahold of you. If something’s come up and you can’t commit to the wedding and all the stuff beforehand, no problem, but please let me know. If I don’t hear from you, I’ll have to assume you’re not able to attend anything anymore” She called right back and gave some lame excuses. Whatever. I recently decided that she’s going through postpartum. And I can’t be sure because she won’t open up about what her deal is, but she’s been avoiding me and all my stuff too. She did randomly show up to my bachelorette party though, it was so strange!