- 5 years ago
- Wedding: January 2014
Most of you, if you read my previous post know that I’m a little unhappy with my currente situation. I find myself in a 9 years relationship with a guy that tells me that he wants to marry me and have kids but yet does not propose, or plan to propose in a near future. We spoke before, we have our comminication lines open, i’ve expressed my feelings and he has expressed his, he wants to marry me and he doesn’t plan to propose before moving on with his career. He has a stable job but he doesn’t love it, so he wants to change for something he loves, and probably move to another country, since ours can’t provide a good career in his field of study (aerospacial enginner).
In the other hand I never finish my college degree, i’m 80% done but I couldn’t finish it because computer enginnering is definatly not for me, and I found myself failing the classes and spending alot of money going to school and fail, so I decided to quit, find a job (which I did), and build my life on the idea: “when he finds his dream job in whatever country he needs to move to, I will join a nursing degree and work part-time until I get my diploma.”
Recently I’ve started to wonder about this idea… Although we are still young (both 25 yo) we are not that young. Despite living together for 2 years, we are not married, and i’ve started to fear about my future. What if he decides that I’m not marriage material or something, I end up with no career what so ever… I love him and trust him, and as far as i can tell he wants to marry me… but yet, you know that feeling in the back of your head, when you feel insecure about something and word do nothing to calm it down? that’s what i’m feeling right now.
Today is our 9th aniversary, exactly 9 years ago we kissed for the first time and decided to be boyfriend and girlfriend (at 16… nothing more then children), and I feel like i’m stoke. I don’t want to speak of marriages and engagements with him anymore, we have talked about it and it’s clear we are not going anywhere until he decides he is happy with his career, so why keep forcing the idea? I don’t want to beg for anything that he doesn’t want to do.
I’ve come upon the idea of going to a nursing school next year (may 2014) but that would mean for me to go back to my home town, leave lisbon (where we currently live together) and come back to my parents house. with him working hours away, and me being stuck for 4 years in school while he wants to go aboard, that probably means our relationship would be over… I don’t know what to do. If he proposed, a promise that we will get married in a near by future, I would definatly rething this, I don’t mind waiting 2 more years to start my nursing classes (in another country) if that meant that we could be together, but i’m afraid of wasting 2 more years and then find out he is not ready yet…
Can you understand me? words about my situation? please help…