(Closed) I need your opinions ladies…

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
12248 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Have you talked to him about the possibility of going to nursing school early?

Post # 5
2958 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

Living apart for a while doesn’t mean your relationship has to end. I say this from experience as I was in a LDR for 4 years and now we are happily married. The bigger problem, I think, is finding out if you are on the same page with life goals and such. If you want to marry this man and he wants to marry you the nursing school changes won’t be too bad.

Post # 7
452 posts
Helper bee

@lsimpson:  The line “I don’t want to beg for anything he doesn’t want to do” made me sad. I’ve been there. I’ve felt that. And here’s my personal anecdote about what I did.

I gave him an ultimatum. I said we’ve been together XX years, what are we waiting for. He (begrudgingly) proposed. I got a pretty ring, three showers, a big wedding… and a divorce 5 years later. It wasn’t right. There were things I wanted to do and pushed to the back of my mind. I wanted to get my masters, I wanted to travel, I wanted to grow. Instead, I settled down and had kids too quickly. Not that I would trade my kids for anything (of course)!

But, I guess my personal advice is to get yourself right. Do what YOU need to do. I looked for fulfillment in a marriage instead of looking for fulfillment with myself. If you’re meant to be together, you’ll both realize that and make it happpen (that sounds so cliche, but it’s true). 

Hope that helps. Good luck.

Post # 9
987 posts
Busy bee

@btothez: +1 I agree that you should focus on you.

What do you want from life, not just from the relationship?

It is not okay if you feel like being in this relationship is holding you back. But yu need to know if it’s the fact that he hasn’t proposed that’s holding you back or if its the relationship itself. I don’t feel that you should let someone else determine your life for you.

Honestly I don’t see why he can’t propose right now. I probably wouldn’t be likely to move to a new country with a man for whonknows how long if I wasn’t engaged to him or 1000% sure he was committed to me. 

Post # 10
1011 posts
Bumble bee

@lsimpson:  If you somehow knew he never proposed would you still be with him?

I’ve been in a relationship for 8 years and I’m still a waiting bee. As much as I’d love to get married, I want him more than I want any of that.

I know it’s frustrating when they say they want to be “settled” (new job or whatever) before proposing because we all know there is no “perfect time” in life. I expressed this feeling to my SO and he understood. He then expressed to me his reasoning. So here’s from a guys perspective;

“To me, proposing means I promise to take care of you, and it’s also a gesture to your family that you will be well taken care of.” (BTW I am very independent from him and my family, and it sounds a little sexist but I found it very sweet and whether it’s rational or not that is how he felt.)

I also had the same feelings as you – what if he doesn’t see me as marriage material or hasn’t proposed yet because he wants the *option* to leave one day. He told me he would never put 8 years into a relationship if he wasn’t a thousand percent sure he wanted to marry that person and I believe him.

We do have a plan to get engaged before March 2014. I didn’t give an ultimatum or anything it’s just something we discussed based on when we want to be married.

An out of the country LDR is really hard. I did it for a couple years while he was in the military.

Maybe you should talk about his feelings on WHY he thinks he needs to have a new job first, etc. Just knowing that that is the reason doesn’t always help if you can’t understand his thought process.


Post # 12
2037 posts
Buzzing bee

@lsimpson:  Hello,

I’m sorry to hear about your situation…this is frustrating!!  I totally understand where you are coming from.  My SO is not in his dream job and wants to move across the country we live in (6 hr flight from home) to obtain that.  I just finished undergrad, want to go to graduate school…but we plan to move together so I don’t want to start anything here that I cannot finish.  Here’s my thoughts for you:

-I know you don’t like your degree.  Is there any chance at all you can change your major within your college and finish?  EX-I started off as a history major and almost flunked out!  So I researched other majors in liberal arts and sciences and got my undergrad in anthropology.  At least if you do this, go back to school for a semester, it’ll give you something to do while you wait for him to figure out what he’s doing next.

-Totally think going to school for nursing is a great idea.  If you are adamant about going with him and pursing a nursing program elsewhere, you could possibly volunteer at a hospital or get some sort of admin job to get your foot in the door with nursing programs.  You might find this easier as well when you move and apply for nursing school because you are showing you are proactive.

Happy anniversary.  25 is young…not that young you are right.  But, well, I’m 30+ and still waiting to be married haha so yeah, at least you are not 30 trying to make these decisions! Wink

Post # 13
3371 posts
Sugar bee

@lsimpson:  The only way to know a man wants to marry you is for him to ask you to marry him. Go back to school. If you are “the one” he won’t lose you.

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