- 7 years ago
- Wedding: June 2011
So this morning Fiance and I got into an argument. And out of nowhere I had a major anxiety attack. I couldn’t feel my face, my hands, my feet, I couldn’t see, I couldn’t breath, and I needed to get out of the car that instant (FI was driving). I had no control over anything my body was doing. It was the scariest feeling I’ve ever felt in my entire life.
leading up to the anxiety attack:
-in 3 weeks as of today I’m getting married
-I’ve had a lot of problems with my Maid/Matron of Honor. But yesterday she called my decisions that Fiance and I have made for the wedding inappropriate. She continued to text me and all of my other bridesmaids about how she has a problem with one of the groomsmen and that he shouldn’t be invited (she hasn’t met him) because he told Fiance that she was pretty from pictures. She told her controlling boyfriend (none of my business, I know) and now he doesn’t want her to attend the wedding.
-my two year old threw up in my car while I was lost for a good hour driving, on an empty tank of gas last night
-my phone broke this morning
-went to at&t to get it fixed, they couldn’t fix it but Fiance decided to upgrade his phone to the new iphone (while we are really strapped for cash) and now I have his old phone…which is fine but I didn’t understand why he wouldn’t suggest that I get another phone?
-had to go to the apple store to get my phone fixed (in the mall) and I told Fiance “I hate going to the mall when I look like crap”…I just do. I always notice how put together everyone looks and for some reason it just made me really depressed…and in the past when I’ve been depressed its stemed from really awful body image issues
-apple set my appointment to fix my phone on Tuesday…which wasn’t a huge deal, it just felt like a waste to go over there.
-FI kicked me when I was down. He got mad that I said I looked like crap because I said it in a mean tone? He went on to say how stupid it was that I was sad and he doesn’t want to be around me when I’m like that. Finally, I asked him why he thought it was okay to talk about it right now since I’m really upset with all that has gone on and I just need support. He went nuts and full on screamed at me that I shouldn’t talk to him the way I did…which I was really confused, I was being hard on myself not him! I hate being screamed at more than anything. That’s when it happened…
I couldn’t see, I started crying. Which turned into not being able to feel my face and hyperventilation. It lasted about 45 minutes but I’ve never felt more insane in my life. I never thought I was insane…but I lost it. A lot of stress has built up and there are several factors contributing that I am leaving out just because this is so long.
I’m really sorry this is long, and it’s a vent. I’ve tried to stay away from vents for awhile :-/ I’m in need of your encouraging words bee’s